Nightmare Kai-me - pastriibunz - Hatchetfield Series (2024)

Chapter 1: NIGHTMARE KAI-ME SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE: HEY, MELISSA!

Chapter Text

HEY, MELISSA!

(We enter on an average summer day at the office of CCRP, as MELISSA walks through the hallway, pushing her mail cart with a smile, occasionally being greeted with a:)

COWORKER #1: Hey, Melissa!

(MELISSA flashes a smile and waves at each instance, happily trotting down the hall. A few blocks away, however, a girl is just starting her day. She groans as she slams the off button on her alarm clock. She rolls out of bed with a loud ‘thunk’. She immediately pops up, pulling on her daily clothes: a pale yellow t-shirt with a pink asymmetrical pentagram smack dab on the center, light washed denim shorts, brightly colored leg warmers, and a fuzzy gray jacket. She heads over to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and then running a comb through her wild, vibrant teal hair. She looks at herself in the mirror before flashing a grin and finger gunning herself.)

KAI: Lookin’ good, Kai Drew!

(She exits the bathroom, grabbing her phone and wallet, stuffing the items in her sweater pocket. She hums, walking the half-mile to Beanie’s. She enters the coffee shop, the bell above the door jingling as she enters. KAI grins, noticing who’s at the counter. KAI runs past the line, as she isn’t here for coffee. She props her arms up on the counter, smiling at the barista behind the counter.)

KAI: Hey, Momma!

(EMMA PERKINS turns to KAI with a smile. She quickly finishes the coffee she was making, handing it off to the customer.)

EMMA: Hey, there’s my favorite customer!

(EMMA ruffles KAI’s hair playfully. KAI snickers.)

KAI: So-o-o, what’s goin’ on with you today?

EMMA: Eh, same as always. Just standing here, making coffee.

KAI: Hah! Well, at least you’ve got some form of routine! I’ve got nothing to do, no concerts. No performances for me!

EMMA: Oh, speaking of performances. I got something for you.

(EMMA digs through her pocket and pulls out two tickets for a musical playing in the Starlight.)

KAI: Oh! Sweet!

(KAI takes one of the tickets and looks to see what musical is playing. Her jaw drops and her eyes sparkle.)

KAI: RIDE THE CYCLONE?!

EMMA: Mhm. I saw the tickets for the show and thought you might like it.

KAI (excitedly): Well you were right on the money! It’s, like, my favorite musical ever!

(EMMA chuckles.)

EMMA: I also got an extra ticket so we could invite Paul.

KAI: HECK YEAH! I’m not even joking, it’s the best musical ever! I’m gonna go in my Jane Doe costume from last Halloween- OH! Should I bring my script?

EMMA (amused): If you want, I don't know if they’ll let you though.

KAI: Eh, you’re right. I’ll just stick with the costume then.

(EMMA chuckles. She grabs the coffee orders, handing KAI her free coffee, and pats her head.)

EMMA: You wanna come with me to deliver this?

KAI: Totally! I have literally nothing better to do.

EMMA: Alright! Let's go.

(EMMA holds the coffee orders in one hand and holds KAI’s hand with the other. She exits the shop and heads towards CCRP. Meanwhile, at CCRP, MELISSA approaches PAUL MATTHEWS’ desk with a giddy smile.)

MELISSA (dreamily): Hey, Paul!

(PAUL looks up from his computer.)

PAUL (awkwardly): Hey, Melissa. Can I help you?
MELISSA: That’s so kind of you to ask, but, no, I’m okay! I just wanted to remind you about those reports?

PAUL: Yep. I know. Every Monday.

MELISSA: Maybe I’ll..see you later?
PAUL: …Okay.

(MELISSA laughs.)

MELISSA: Like, um…this weekend, maybe? Cause if you aren’t doing anything, I have these two tickets to this musical at the Starlight, it’s called-

PAUL (interrupting): Naaaaah.

MELISSA: …What?

PAUL: Melissa, uh, no. Sorry, uh…I don’t like musicals.

MELISSA: Oh…okay…do you like film?

PAUL: Not particularly.

MELISSA: Dancing?

PAUL: I got two left feet.

MELISSA: Well, is there anything you do like?
PAUL: I like, uh…coffee!

(PAUL jumps to his feet when the elevator doors open, and EMMA steps out, carrying the order from Beanie’s.)

PAUL: Hey, everybody, Beanie’s is here!

(PAUL squeezes past MELISSA and rushes towards EMMA excitedly as she begins to pass out the drinks.)

EMMA: Alright, order number 12…who ordered the caramel frap?

(BILL WOODWARD pokes his head out of his cubicle and waves his hand.)

BILL: Right here.

(EMMA passes the drink to him.)

EMMA: And then we got the cold brew with cream?

(EMMA turns to PAUL, and hands him a black coffee, grinning.)

EMMA: And, uh, special delivery.

PAUL: Thanks, Emma.

EMMA: Extra special delivery, actually.

(EMMA looks down to her side with a smile. From behind her, a head filled with wild tufts of teal hair and a wide grin on her face pokes out from behind her. PAUL’s grin widens as he practically becomes ecstatic at the sight. He scoops the younger girl up into a hug, spinning her around slightly.)

PAUL (excitedly): Kai!

KAI (excitedly): Dad!

(He sets KAI down, ruffling the girl’s already tostled hair. KAI bounces up and down, flapping her wrists excitedly.)

KAI (excitedly): Th’ best thing ever happened!

PAUL: Oh? What happened?

KAI (excitedly/pleading): MommagotticketstomyfavoritestmusicaleverandsheboughtyouonetoosocanyoucomeitslikethebestthingintheworldpleasecomepleasepleasepLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

(KAI falls to her knees, her hands clasped in a prayer position as she continues her pleas to PAUL. PAUL, in turn, chuckles.)

PAUL (amused): Woah, easy kid. I’ll go. I’d love to come, in fact!

KAI (ecstatic): REALLY?!

PAUL: Really! If it’s that important to you, it’d be an honor to come.

KAI: WOO! It’s like, my most favorite-est musical ever, I love it so much, I’m obsessed-

EMMA (interrupting): She is. She practically rambled through the entire plot on the way here.

PAUL: Hah, I can believe it.

KAI (worried): Oh no, did I spoil it?

EMMA: Yeah, but don’t worry. I wasn’t listening.

(KAI huffs, puffing up her cheeks. EMMA laughs, patting her head.)

EMMA: Sorry, Kai. It’s just that, well, you’re insane.

(KAI grins mischievously, an evil glint in her eyes.)

KAI: Erm, counterargument?

(EMMA and PAUL’s eyes widen with realization.)

PAUL: Wait, Kai, I know what you’re thinking, please, Kai, please, spare me-

EMMA: Kid, kid please, you know I love you, you know how I am, please, I was kidding-

[NOTE: EMMA’s lines and PAUL’s lines are said at the same time.]

(KAI cuts them both off with a convincing meow. The two groan and chuckle at her antics. MELISSA’s head snaps towards the trio at the sound.)

EMMA: God, how can you do that?

PAUL: The better question is, why can she do that?

KAI: I was trying to annoy my friends, and then…well, y’know. The rest is history.

(The trio converses in pantomime, laughing and conversing as the scene shifts to MELISSA observing the group, a surprised expression on her face.)

[NOTE: The shot hangs on KAI, EMMA, and PAUL as MELISSA monologues. MELISSA’s lines are offstage.]

MELISSA (offstage): That’s… that’s a kitty. That’s a baby kitty. What’re they doing with that kitty? They’re not treating that kitty right. I mean, just look at her! Dressed up in those nasty human clothes…acting like a person on her hind legs…poor baby…I never- I never took Paul as a kitty abuser…and his stupid girlfriend…maybe I was wrong about him…poor baby…poor, poor baby. I gotta help her. I gotta save that kitty. I gotta give that baby a good home. I’m going to save that kitty.

(KAI, at this point, is unfocused, rambling to PAUL and EMMA whilst looking off into the distance. EMMA takes this chance to lean in towards PAUL, whispering to him.)

EMMA (whispered): Once she goes to bed, we can hate on it.

PAUL (whispered): That’d be nice.

EMMA (whispered): How’d we, especially you, of all people end up with a theater kid as a daughter?

PAUL (whispered): I don’t know. But, honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

EMMA (whispered): Neither would I, Paul. Neither would I.

(EMMA clears her throat, causing KAI’s head to snap over to her.)

EMMA: Alright, kid. Let’s go. Your dad and I probably gotta get back to work.

KAI (upset): Man!

(EMMA chuckles and starts to motion KAI out. KAI obliges, looking over her shoulder back at PAUL. She grins and speaks in a faux threatening voice.)

KAI: I’ll be back for you!

(PAUL chuckles. BILL goes over to him.)

BILL: I wish me and Alice were like that.

PAUL: Oh, come on. I’m sure you and Alice aren’t that bad! Besides, Kai likes you! She calls you Uncle Bill.

BILL: I know, but still…

(PAUL and BILL’s conversation fades into the background as MELISSA stares at where KAI once was.)

MELISSA (mumbled): I gotta save that kitty.

(Later that night, PAUL is working late at the office, finishing up the last bits of work. His boss, MR. DAVIDSON approaches, looking slightly sullen. Maybe there was something left unsaid between him and his wife. Who knows.)

MR. DAVIDSON: Hey, Paul. You’re really burning the midnight oil, huh?
PAUL: Yeah, well, I’ve got a show at 8:00. Figured I may as well be downtown.
MR. DAVIDSON: Well, don’t work too hard.

PAUL: I never do.

1. DAVIDSON: See you Monday, Paul.

(MR. DAVIDSON leaves, and PAUL is alone once more. Or is he…? As PAUL casually searches the internet, footsteps come running up to his desk. PAUL turns, but it’s too late. He’s tackled by his daughter, dressed in an outfit styled after one of the characters from the musical, plus her signature jacket that she wore atop the outfit.)

KAI: Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Hurry! It starts soon!

(PAUL chuckles and pushes her off of him, going back to his work.)

PAUL: I’m doing my best to hurry. Be patient, Kai.

KAI: Oh, c’mon, you weren’t doin’ anything! You were just goofin’ off on the internet! I see you.

(PAUL quickly closes out of the tab.)

PAUL: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

KAI (annoyed): DAD-

PAUL: Relax. What’re you so worked up for? It doesn’t start until an hour later.

KAI: I need to have time to blast the cast recording for you and mom in the car!

PAUL: Ah, I see. Give me a second.

(PAUL quickly half asses the rest of his work, closing his laptop and packing up.)

PAUL: Alright, let’s go.

(He takes KAI’s hand in his own as the two begin to walk out of the building. KAI grins and babbles on about the musical.)

KAI: It’s super good, you’re gonna love it!

PAUL: We’ll see.

KAI: You better, or else I’m disowning you.

PAUL: WHAT?!

KAI: Relax! I’m joking! …Eh, maybe half-joking.

PAUL: Nonono, you’re stuck with me.

KAI: Nuh-uh!
PAUL: What do you mean, nuh-uh?!

KAI: Not if you don’t like my favorite musical!

PAUL: Kai, I don’t usually like musicals.

KAI: Well, you better like this one!

(As the two bicker playfully, the lights go out. KAI squeaks and jumps a bit, her grip on PAUL’s hand tightening. He chuckles at her fear of the dark.)

PAUL: Kai, it’s just the dark, it’s not going to hurt yo-

(A gunshot rings out. PAUL immediately ducks down, pulling KAI close to him protectively.)

PAUL (scared): What was that?!

KAI: Dad?

(PAUL’s head turns as KAI speaks. He can’t make out her expression in the darkness, but she sounds oddly serious and calm.)

PAUL: …Yeah?

KAI: Go. Get out of here. Go and get in your car, go pick up Momma, and you two go to see the musical. I’ll meet you there.

PAUL: What?! Kai, I’m not gonna leave you here to die!

KAI (slightly pleading): Dad. Please. For me?

PAUL: Kai-

KAI (pleading): Please. I couldn’t handle it if you got hurt on my watch. Please, Dad. Just go. I’ll be okay, I promise.

(KAI’s pleading gets to PAUL. He sighs.)

PAUL (reluctantly): …Fine. But I swear, if someone hurts you, Emma and I are gonna flip out.

KAI (relieved): Thank you. Thank you.

(PAUL nods his head before reluctantly letting go of KAI, dashing out of the office as another gunshot sounds out. KAI quickly stands, pulling her jacket tighter around her.)

KAI: (loudly) Hello?! Hellooo?! Who’s there?! Whaddya want?! I’m…unarmed- but I’m still dangerous! (muttered, to herself) I need to get, like, a switchblade or something.

(Suddenly, a CCRP employee comes out from the darkness. KAI jumps and yelps out of fear.)

KAI (spooked): Waugh-

FREDDIE: You. You’re Paul’s kid, right?

KAI: Depends, who’s askin’?

FREDDIE: Listen, kid, I just wanna have a chat wit’ your father.

KAI: …No? Not gonna happen, buddy.

FREDDIE: Dammit, really didn’t wanna shoot a kid.

KAI: Saywhatnow?

(FREDDIE lifts the barrel to KAI’s head. KAI’s eyes widen with fear. She grips the barrel, trying to disarm FREDDIE and save herself. There’s a struggle, and KAI ends up on the ground with a gun to her head.)

FREDDIE (coldly): Sorry, kid. Business.

(KAI squeezes her eyes shut and curls into herself, waiting for the bullet to come. BANG!)

KAI (inner monologue): Is that it? Is that how I died? Man, what a lame way to go. Didn’t even get to see Ride The Cyclone with Mom and Dad. That sucks balls. Kai Drew, dead on some office floor at 18 years old. Alone. Per usual. But Paul and Emma are okay, and that’s all that matters. At least it wasn’t like the first time. I’d take this over the apotheo-

(KAI’s train of thought is cut off by someone shaking her shoulder. KAI blinks, looking up at her savior, MELISSA. Besides her lies an empty wastebasket and an unconscious FREDDIE.)

MELISSA: Are you alright?!

KAI (startled): Uh- yeah, yeah. I’m fine.

(KAI studies MELISSA’s face for a moment.)

KAI: You’re…Melissa, right? My dad’s boss’ assistant thingy?

MELISSA: Yeah, that’s me!

KAI: Oh. My dad talks about you.

MELISSA (intrigued): What does he say?

KAI: Mostly that you kinda weird him out.

MELISSA (defeated): Oh.

KAI: And that you like cats too much.

MELISSA (defeated): Oh.

(An awkward silence settles over the two as MELISSA is upset by the news. KAI awkwardly pats her back, trying to comfort the woman.)

MELISSA: …Anyways, we don’t have much time before he wakes up. We should probably find something to tie him up with.

(KAI nods and gets up, looking around curiously. MELISSA smiles at the girl’s curiosity, finding it akin to a cat looking for a new toy.)

MELISSA: There might be something in Mr. Davidson’s office.

KAI: That’s the boss, right?

MELISSA: Mhm.

KAI: …I have no clue where his office is.

MELISSA: It should be down the hall to your right.

KAI: Miss Melissa, one thing you’ll learn about me? I’m horrible with directions. You could point me across the room, and I’d still get lost! What I’m saying is, basically…

(KAI grins sheepishly.)

KAI: Could'ya lead the way?

(MELISSA grins, ecstatic at the idea of taking the ‘kitten’ for a walk.)

MELISSA: Of course, I’m always happy to help.

(She holds KAI’s hand and starts to walk towards MR. DAVIDSON’s office. The two enter and begin rummaging around the office.)

KAI: So-o-o, what are we looking for?

MELISSA: Rope or anything to keep him in place.

KAI: Alrighty, lessee…

(KAI rummages through the drawers. She comes across something.)

KAI: Oh! Hey!

(She pulls out two tickets for a show at the Starlight later that month, the headlining performer being KAI herself.)

KAI (happily): Me tickets!

(KAI excitedly grabs a pen.)

KAI (happily): I’m gonna sign ‘em!

MELISSA: You do shows?

KAI: Oh, yeah! I’m a singer.

MELISSA: Aw, how cute! Like the Aristocats!

KAI (slightly confused): …I guess? Sure?

(KAI quickly signs the tickets before putting them back in the drawer. She starts to search the other drawers before pulling open one filled with various sex toys and things of that nature. Her face falls immediately upon opening the drawer.)

KAI (disgusted): Ew.

MELISSA: …Yeah, Mr. Davidson is pretty weird. Especially about his wife. Everyone has a fetish, I guess!

KAI: Yeah, except for little ol’ asexual me in the corner. Mind grabbing it? I don’t know where those things were, nor do I wanna know.

MELISSA: Oh, of course! It’s no problem.

(MELISSA grabs a pair of fuzzy handcuffs that were stashed in the drawer.)

KAI: …Don’t even wanna know.

MELISSA: Me neither.

(KAI and MELISSA exit the office, heading back to FREDDIE’s body.)

KAI (worried): He isn’t dead, right? I’ve got a thing against murder.

MELISSA: No, he’s just knocked out. I hope I didn't hurt him too badly.

KAI: Phew! Thank goodness!

(MELISSA smiles at KAI as the two approach where FREDDIE’s body was. Much to their surprise, the body is gone.)

KAI (worried): Oh, shirtballs.

(Suddenly, FREDDIE comes out of the shadows, tackling MELISSA. KAI jumps backwards with a yelp, panicking while MELISSA thrashes in FREDDIE’s grip, trying to free herself.)

KAI (panicking): WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoI-

(KAI looks back at MR. DAVIDSON’s office, remembering something she saw in the drawer. She groans.)

KAI (annoyed): Oh, screw me!

(KAI runs off as MELISSA fights in FREDDIE’s grip. As all hope seems to be lost, KAI jumps onto FREDDIE’s back, choking him out with a whip.)

KAI: Ew-

[NOTE: Line is repeated until FREDDIE passes out.]

(FREDDIE falls to the floor, taking KAI with him. KAI’s head conks on the ground, but she quickly pops back up, shaking it off. FREDDIE, however, stays down, knocked out.)

KAI (panicked): Is he dead?! Did I kill him?!

(MELISSA checks FREDDIE’s pulse.)

MELISSA: Nope. He’s still alive.

KAI (relieved): Oh, thank gods.

MELISSA: We should probably call the police.

KAI: Most definitely.

MELISSA: You can call them while I handcuff him somewhere so he won’t escape.

KAI: Alrighty!

(KAI calls up the cops and begins to report what happened to the cops while MELISSA grabs the body and handcuffs him to a nearby desk.)

KAI (to POLICE): So, yeah! There’s an unconscious dude in the CCRP technical building. That’s all fro-

(KAI is cut off by the feeling of MELISSA running her hand through KAI’s teal tresses, stroking the girl akin to the way one would pet a cat. KAI laughs awkwardly and smiles at MELISSA, pulling the woman’s hand out of her hair.)

KAI (to POLICE): Bye.

(KAI slams the phone back onto the receiver,)

KAI: Okay, the cops are on their way! Howza ‘bout we get you home in the meantime?

MELISSA: That sounds nice, thank you so much.

KAI: Here, let’s get a cab, hm? I’ll cook y’ some dinner, clean up your house, whatever you need.

MELISSA: Aw, you’re such a sweet kit- kid! Thank you!

KAI: It’s no problem!

(The two get to MELISSA’s place, and KAI helps her to the couch. She wraps a blanket covered in cats around MELISSA. KAI looks around the apartment, noticing all the cat memorabilia scattered around the apartment.)

KAI: …ya like cats, huh?

MELISSA: Mhm. They’re my favorite things in the whole world.

(A grainy audio of EMMA singing “I’ve been brewing up your co-ffee!” is heard while KAI’s phone vibrates. EMMA, labeled as “moamma!!! <333” in KAI’s contacts, is calling. MELISSA looks upset at the prospect of EMMA calling.)

MELISSA (slightly upset): …Aren’t you going to answer that?

KAI: Nah, she’ll be okay. I’ll just shoot ‘er a text that I’ll be there for the second act.

(KAI declines the call and does as she said. She puts her phone on do not disturb before pocketing it. MELISSA smiles.)

MELISSA: Thank you so much for saving me back there. You’re a great person.

KAI: Ah, if ya knew me, ya wouldn’t say that. I was just doin’ what anyone would’ve done.

MELISSA: But you seem so nice. I don’t know you that much, but you seem very strong and kind!

KAI: Thanks, but I’ve hurt a bunch of people. Like that guy, for example!

MELISSA: Yeah, but he deserved it. He was about to kill me. Or you! You poor little darling…

KAI: Yeah, but I’ve hurt a lotta people who didn’t deserve it. And it cost me.

(KAI raises a hand to her cheek, running her fingers over the raised patch of scarred tissue. She looks off into the horizon, her eyes wide and a look of suppressed horror crosses her face, as she’s reminded of a memory she’d much rather forget. MELISSA looks at her, concerned.)

KAI (solemn, no accent): Not a day goes by where I don’t think about what happened.
MELISSA: …How did it happen? If you don’t mind me asking…

(KAI immediately snaps out of it, smiling sheepishly. Her general light hearted demeanor returns, along with her accent.)

KAI: Ah, let’s not make this about me! This is about you. Want me to do anything for you while I’m here?

MELISSA: Oh! Could you feed the dog for me please? He’s in my room.

KAI: Totally! It’d be my pleasure!

(KAI smiles and stands, grabbing the food bowl labeled “Teddy Bear”. She whistles and calls for the dog as she walks into MELISSA’s room.)

KAI (baby talk, singsong): Pspspspsp! Here, Teddy Bear! I’ve got some yummy kibble for you!

(Whines and scratching come from the closet. KAI smiles confusedly and pulls open the door as she speaks.)

KAI: Aw, how didja get stuck in the closet, little guy?

(The sight KAI is met with causes her to fall back and scream, her eyes wide in horror. TED SPANKOFFSKI blinks back, shivering and stripped to his underwear.)

TED: ...KAI?!?!

KAI (mortified): WHAT THE F- TED?! WHAT ARE YOU-

TED: SHHHHHH!!! SHUT THE f*ck UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!! You need to get out of here now!

KAI (deadpan): …Is this some weird kink thing? I’m leaving if this is some weird kink thing.

TED: I don’t even know, I just want to get out of here.

KAI: Dude, what even happened?! You’ve been gone for, like, weeks!
TED: I was about to get run over but then she saved me and invited me over. I thought I was finally going to get some action but then she knocked me out and cut off my fingers!

(TED raises what’s left of his hand, the fingers having been gruesomely sawed off to little nubs. KAI’s pupils constrict and she scoots back out of fear.)

KAI: WHAT THE FUUUUUU-

TED: I told you, she’s insane! Go! Leave while you can!
KAI: Wh- no! Sure, I friggin’ hate you, but I’m not leaving you here! I’m- I’m calling the cops, this- this is screwed up.

(KAI pulls out her phone, preparing to dial 911. However, before she can, something hard hits KAI in the back of her head. She stumbles forward, her steps staggered.)

KAI (woozy, slurred): Ha! I didn’t even feel it!

(KAI falls to the floor, her vision blurring before going black. When she comes to, bleary eyed and confused, she notices MELISSA standing in the corner, her hand chained to the leg of a coffee table, and TED in a wire cage.)

KAI (woozy, slurred): Hey, Melissa..? What’s goin’ on..?

MELISSA: Hi Kitty! Sorry about that, I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly.

KAI (woozy, slurred): Wuzzhappenin’..? Where am I..?

MELISSA: Don’t worry, I would feel absolutely terrible if I hurt you!

(As MELISSA speaks, the weary KAI looks down at herself. Her eyes snap open with shock. She smiles passive-aggressively.)

KAI: Yeahyeahyeahcoolcoolcool- one question!

(KAI’s face falls as she kicks and flails angrily.)

KAI: WHERE THE HECK ARE MY CLOTHES?!

MELISSA: Silly Kitty. Cats don’t need clothes! Unless it’s for funny pictures and videos.

KAI (angry): Lady, this is messed up! You are quite literally old enough to be my mother! Don’t involve me in your weird kink thingy!

TED (quietly): I told you she’s insane!

MELISSA: Shut up, Teddy Bear. I can still hear your bark, no matter how quiet you are.

(MELISSA glares at TED for a moment, before smiling at KAI and petting her hair. She frees the girl from the table, and KAI rubs her wrist, staring at MELISSA with contempt.)

MELISSA: I’m so happy to have a little kitty! Your awful brother here isn’t really a good dog.

KAI: THIS IS MESSED UP, GIMME MY CLOTHES BACK-

TED: Hey! Be lucky that you still have fingers!!

KAI: SHUT UP-

MELISSA: Hey! No fighting you two! I don’t want to use this.

(MELISSA pulls out a taser, waving it in the air threateningly. KAI’s face falls and she curls into herself, shaking. A whimper escapes her throat, to which MELISSA coos.)

MELISSA: Don’t worry Kitty. I won’t use it on you unless I have to.

KAI: …CanIhavemyclothesback-

MELISSA: No.

KAI: Dangit.

(KAI grumbles and huffs, muttering angrily about her loss of clothes. Her eyes light up as she has an idea, flopping over on MELISSA dramatically.)

KAI (faux sadness): Oh, Melissa, I’m so cold without my fur! I wish I had something to cover me up?

(KAI sighs and lies back, putting a hand over her forehead dramatically.)

KAI (faux sadness): without my fur, I’ll surely freeze to death! Oh, woe is me!

MELISSA (concerned): Oh no! I don’t want my Kitty to freeze! I’ll go find you something, I’ll be back.

(MELISSA quickly gets up and leaves, going to find something for KAI to wear. KAI snickers to herself.)

KAI: I’m a genius.

TED: …I hate you-

KAI: What’d I do?!

TED: I have to stay here in my underwear, inside a cage, fingerless. While you’re here getting special treatment.

KAI: Ain’t my fault I’m persuasive and she likes me!

TED: Yeah, well, you should kill yourself-

KAI: RIGHT BACK ATCHA!

TED: f*ck OFF!

KAI: I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOW ARE WARM!!!

TED: EAT sh*t AND DIE!!!

MELISSA (re-entering): What’s going on?

KAI: HE TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF-

(There's a pause, as KAI remembers who she’s talking to.)

KAI: Should not have said that- should NOT have said that-

MELISSA (angrily): Teddy Bear! Bad dog! Bad!

(MELISSA quickly pulls out the taser and sticks it into TED’s side, activating it. TED convulses and screams. KAI jumps back, yelping.)

KAI: OH SH-

TED: I hate you even more now-

KAI: I DIDN’T KNOW SHE’D FRICKIN’ TASE YOU FOR THAT-

TED: WELL, SHE’S INSANE, WHAT’D YOU EXPECT?!

KAI: I DON’T KNOW, A SLAP ON THE WRIST?!
MELISSA: QUIET!

(The two immediately shut up, looking up at MELISSA in fear. MELISSA smiles sweetly.)

MELISSA: There we go! Now, Kitty.

(MELISSA cheerily holds up a cat onesie, flicking the little bell that acted as a zipper. KAI’s face drops and TED snorts.)

MELISSA: I have the cutest thing for you to wear!

KAI: Oh, no. No, no, no.

TED (snickering): Go on, Kitty.

KAI (under her breath): I will fight you-

(MELISSA scoops up KAI, who thrashes angrily. It's a struggle, but MELISSA manages to get KAI in the onesie, who looks dead inside. TED cackles.)

MELISSA (cooing): Aw! Just look at how adorable you look!

(She starts to pet KAI, pushing back the onesie’s ears. KAI swats her hand away and stands, heading for the door.)

MELISSA: Where’re you goin’?

KAI: Out. I gots to get to th’ theater. Momma and Dad are probably worried about me an’ wonderin’ where I am.

MELISSA: Silly kitty, I’m your new momma!

(KAI slowly turns. If looks could kill, MELISSA would be dead where she stood.)

KAI: …What.

MELISSA: I’m your new momma! Also, you’re not allowed outside. You could get hurt!

KAI: What. The. Fu-

MELISSA: You’ll be safe here, trust me. Listen to your momma.

(KAI’s eye twitches, but she takes a deep breath.)

KAI (deadly calm): You aren’t my mom. Emma is. And she’s probably worried out of her mind. So, I’m going to go to the theater, and have a nice night with my family. Okay? Okay.

(KAI walks to the door, reaching for the handle. As her hand makes contact with the knob, something hard and plastic with a metal tip presses into her back. KAI’s eyes widen and her hands slowly raise as MELISSA pushes the taser deeper into her back.)

MELISSA (sickeningly sweet): Kitty, I don’t wanna hurt you, because I love you so much, but if you don’t listen to Momma, I’m gonna have to hurt you. And we don’t want that, right?

KAI: R-right.

MELISSA: So, are we gonna listen to Momma, hm?

KAI: You aren’t-

(MELISSA digs the taser in further. KAI’s breath hitches.)

KAI: Yes.

MELISSA: Yes what?

KAI (begrudgingly): …Yes, Momma.

(MELISSA squeals and scoops up KAI.)

MELISSA (giddy): Eek! I’m gonna be the best Momma ever, Kitty!
KAI: WH- PUT ME DOWN!

MELISSA: Nuh-uh! It’s bedtime, and you get to sleep with Momma!
KAI (mortified): Can I please sleep on the couch?!
MELISSA: Nope!
KAI: Dangit.

(MELISSA lies KAI down in her bed, cuddling the poor girl as she lies there helplessly.)

KAI: This…is gonna be a long night.

(And it was. KAI was awake all night, not able to sleep with MELISSA holding her. MELISSA, however, gets the best sleep of her life, holding her ‘baby kitty’ close all night. When she wakes in the morning, she smiles.)

MELISSA (groggily): Good morning, sweet baby.

KAI: Don’t call me that.

MELISSA (giggling): Meow meow to you too.

(MELISSA leans over and places a kiss on KAI’s forehead, who squeaks in anger, flailing her limbs wildly. MELISSA giggles.)

MELISSA (cooing): Such a cutie patootie! Yes you are! Yes you are! Such a cutie wootie kitty witty!

(KAI groans, and MELISSA laughs, going into her bathroom to get ready. She calls to KAI as she does.)

MELISSA: Now, Kitty, Momma is gonna go to work for a while! I should be back at around five, so Momma expects you to behave while she’s gone!

KAI (under her breath): Ewgh, why’s she gotta refer to herself in the third person?
MELISSA: Momma’s already set out your food for today, it’s Meow Mix! I know kitties like you love it. Only the best for my baby!

KAI (under her breath): I’m raiding the fridge.

MELISSA: Now, Momma has three rules: No going outside, no calling anyone, and no letting Teddy Bear out of his cage. If you don’t follow Momma’s rules, Momma’s gonna have to give you a little tasey-wasey, and we don’t want that, right, baby?
KAI: R-right.

(MELISSA emerges from the bathroom, ready for work. She smiles, pushing KAI’s bangs back and planting a kiss on KAI’s forehead, to which the girl immediately rubs off.)

MELISSA: Good girl.

(KAI perks up, her harsh glare softening slightly. She quickly shakes her head, going back to glaring at MELISSA.)

MELISSA: I’ll be back later. Bye, Kitty!

(MELISSA leaves, heading to work. She enters the office, smiling.)

BILL: Hey, Melissa!

(MELISSA waves, heading to her desk. She surfs the web, looking at dog and cat toys. A few minutes later, PAUL comes up to her desk.)

PAUL (dejected): Hey, Melissa.

MELISSA: Oh! Hi, Paul.

(MELISSA takes a moment to look over PAUL. His eyes are red and puffy, his hair is a mess, his suit is sloppier than usual, his tie barely held together with a loose knot.)

MELISSA: …What’s wrong? Did you need something?
PAUL (sniveling): Yeah, uh, have you seen Kai anywhere? She said that she’d meet me and Emma during the second act of the show yesterday and she didn’t show up… We’re really worried about her.

MELISSA: Oh no! That doesn’t sound like her at all.

PAUL (dejected): That’s why I’m asking you. Do you know where she is?

MELISSA: Hmmm….Oh! I know! She took a boat back to Unington and she’s never coming back.

PAUL (heartbroken): …what?

MELISSA: Mhm. And she said that you and Emma are terrible parents. She left and she’s never coming back

PAUL (heartbroken): …That- That can’t be true..

MELISSA: I’m sorry, but she told me to tell you before she left. (cheery) So, did you need anything else?

PAUL (heartbroken): …No. Thank you for telling me about this.

(PAUL leaves. After a beat, loud muffled sobbing is heard from his cubicle. MELISSA shrugs it off. Later, EMMA enters, rushing over to PAUL, who’s managed to stop crying for the time being. She quickly shoves a black coffee into PAUL’s hand, her excuse to go over to CCRP.)

EMMA: Well?! Have you found out anything?!

PAUL (heartbroken): You aren’t gonna like it…

EMMA: Paul, I don’t care. Any information is good information.

PAUL (heartbroken): She- She left. She thinks we’re horrible parents, she’s gone back home to Unington, and she’s never coming back.

EMMA: What?!

PAUL (heartbroken): It’s true. Melissa told me.

EMMA: …I call bullsh*t.

PAUL (heartbroken): Huh? Emma, I don’t think Melissa would lie about-

EMMA: Paul, why the f*ck would Kai tell Melissa anything?! She doesn’t even know her! Bill or Charlotte, maybe, but some chick she doesn’t know? Come on, does that sound like Kai to you?

PAUL: …Well, no-

EMMA: Plus, we know what she’s like when she hates someone. Look at her and Ted! She never just keeps it bottled up! She makes a show out of hating him!

PAUL: Where is Ted, by the way?

EMMA: Don’t know, don’t care. The point is, it’s way out of character for Kai to leave without saying anything. Someone’s lying.

BILL: To Melissa?

(The two look over to BILL, who’s poking his head out of his cubicle.)

BILL: I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I think Emma’s right.

EMMA: Thank you.

BILL: No problem. But I don’t think Melissa would lie on purpose! She’s a sweet kid, plus, I can’t think of any reason she’d lie about Kai’s whereabouts.

PAUL: True.

EMMA: So, you’re saying someone lied to her about Kai, for whatever reason?
BILL: I guess.

EMMA (angrily): Well, I’m gonna go wring her neck until she tells me who the f*ck took my daughter.

(EMMA begins to storm off. PAUL holds her back.)

BILL: Well, I don’t think you need to do all that! Here, why don’t we all just visit her after work and ask her about it?
EMMA: …Fine.

PAUL: Sounds good to me.

(Back at MELISSA’s apartment, KAI anxiously sits on the couch, munching on a candy bar she found in the fridge. TED calls to her from his cage.)

TED: Psst! PSST! Kai, I swear to god, let me out of this f*ckin’ cage-

KAI: No! I don’t need her gettin’ mad at me!
TED: She isn’t home right now! She’ll never know! Just let me out!
KAI: She gave me three rules, man! Three rules! Pretty lax for a kidnapper!
TED: Kai I am about to piss myself-

KAI: Okay fine-

(KAI goes over to his cage, undoing the latch. As soon as she does, he bolts to the couch, pulling down his boxers and lifting up his leg. Much to KAI’s disgust, he pisses on the couch.)

KAI (disgusted): EW WHAT THE FU-

TED: THAT COUCH IS MINE NOW!!!
KAI: You do realize I still have fingers?! I could’ve just unlocked the bathroom for you!
TED: …Shut the f*ck up-

KAI: DON’T TELL ME TO SHUT THE HECK UP, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PEED ON THE COUCH!!!

TED: KILL YOURSELF-

KAI: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?!

TED: YOU’RE MY PROBLEM!
KAI: OH, FORGIVE ME FOR EXISTING!
TED: I HOPE YOU DIE!!!
KAI: I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!!!

(The two continue arguing, while unbeknownst to them, MELISSA enters the apartment.)

MELISSA: Hi, Kitty! Hi, Teddy Bear! What’s-

(The two freeze and turn to MELISSA, who’s studying the scene before her.)

MELISSA: …Kitty, did you let Teddy Bear out?
KAI: …No???

TED (sarcastically): Real smooth.

KAI (under her breath): Shut up-

(MELISSA approaches KAI, who cowers and scoots back. She raises her hand, and KAI expects the worst. She squeezes her eyes shut, preparing for a shock. Instead, MELISSA scoops her up, cuddling her and cooing at the poor girl.)

MELISSA: Awww, it’s alright! You probably got lonely cause Momma left you alone with no one to play with, huh? Momma’s sorry!

KAI: Ergh-

(MELISSA sets KAI down. She turns to TED with a glare.)

MELISSA: As for you…

(MELISSA pulls out her taser, pushing it into TED’s side before activating it. He screams in pain as he’s tased, and KAI backs into a corner out of fear. MELISSA eventually pulls the taser away, pocketing it. TED stumbles to his knees, his hands out in front of him. MELISSA points to the cage.)

MELISSA: Back in your cage.

(TED looks to KAI for support, who shakes her head rapidly.)

KAI (whispered): I don’t wanna get tased! Plus you peed on the couch that’s, like, unforgivable-

TED (whispered): I hate you.

(TED enters his cage. MELISSA smiles and scoops up KAI. KAI thrashes.)

KAI: Lemme go! I gotta use the bathroom!

MELISSA: Oh, okay!

(MELISSA sets KAI down in a litter box. KAI’s eyes widen in horror.)

KAI: NO! No. I’ll play kitty, fine. But I’m going to the regular person bathroom. So, please, where is that?

MELISSA (giggling): You can’t use the people bathroom, silly kitty. You have to use the litter box.

KAI: …You ain’t gonna budge, are you?

MELISSA: Mm-mm.

KAI: Welp, screw me.

(KAI looks towards TED, all hope lost. He nods solemnly and turns around, giving KAI as much privacy as he can. KAI awkwardly pulls off her onesie and underwear, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible. MELISSA smiles, watching the girl intently. KAI avoids eye contact as she does her business. Once done, KAI quickly pulls her clothes back on. MELISSA scoops her up. She strokes KAI’s hair, kissing her forehead periodically.)

MELISSA: There we go. That’s a good kitty. You’re such a good girl, y’know? Momma will protect you from all the meanies. You deserve nothing but the best. You’re a good girl. You’re a very good girl, Kitty.

(At that moment, something in KAI changes. She no longer feels the urge to fight off MELISSA’s affections. Perhaps it was the stress of everything, how tired she was of struggling, or KAI’s inability to provide love for herself and her reliance on others for it, but KAI decides that maybe being a cat isn’t so bad.)

KAI: …Mrow.

(MELISSA smiles.)

MELISSA: Mrow to you too.

(MELISSA begins to walk KAI into her room, the girl curled up in her arms. KAI realizes something.)

KAI: …Momma?

MELISSA: Hm?

KAI: Did- did you see…?

(KAI lets the question linger in the air. MELISSA sighs, realizing what she’s asking.)

MELISSA: Yes, I saw Emma and Paul. They weren’t all too worried about you, though.

KAI: They didn’t miss me?

MELISSA: No. In fact, they said they were better off without you.

KAI (heartbroken): …oh.

(MELISSA rubs the back of KAI’s head.)

MELISSA: But you have a new Momma now. One that loves you very much.

(KAI smiles as MELISSA sets her on her bed. She then hastily pushes TED’s cage into the bedroom. MELISSA smiles, opening her mouth to speak. A knock comes from the front door, cutting her off. She ruffles KAI’s hair.)

MELISSA: I’ll be right back, Kitty.

(MELISSA leaves. TED rattles his cage and motions KAI over. KAI obliges, going over.)

KAI: What?

TED: We gotta plan our escape!

KAI: Escape? Why would I wanna- oh right she kidnapped me-

TED: Yeah! Listen, get me out of this cage and we can strategize together.

KAI: …I don’t wanna.

TED: What?! Why not?

KAI: You peed on the couch when I let you out last time!

TED: I won’t do that again, I promise.

KAI: Pinky promise?

(Silence follows for a beat, until:)

KAI: …Wait a second-

TED: I hate you.

KAI: I’M SORRY! I FORGOT!

(KAI unlocks the cage, letting TED out. He rubs his wrists.)

TED: Thank you. Now, about escaping-

(As if on cue, MELISSA re-enters the room, along with two other women. MELISSA proudly gestures to TED and KAI.)

MELISSA: These are my pets! My adorable cat, Kitty and my dog, Teddy Bear.

TED: Why do you get an adjective but I don’t?

KAI: I dunno, man.

WOMEN: Oh my god…

WOMAN #1: Melissa…

WOMEN: THEY LOOK SO CUTE!!!

MELISSA: I know, right?!

(The two women approach TED and KAI, petting the duo. KAI purrs.)

TED: Kai, what the f*ck-

KAI: I’m a kitty!

TED: No! You’re a human being!

KAI (stubbornly): I’m a kitty.

(KAI meows.)

TED: …Kill yourself-

MELISSA (angrily): Teddy Bear! Bad boy!

(MELISSA huffs, picking up KAI. She looks towards her friends.)

MELISSA: You two talk to Teddy about his behavior. I’m gonna spend some time with my precious Kitty.

(The two nod and MELISSA leaves, KAI in tow. The women stare at TED seductively. He grins, realizing the implications.)

TED: Aw, yeah!

(His happiness is short-lived, as they pull out knives.)

TED: Oh sh*t-

(The two quickly get to work, plunging their knives repeatedly into TED’s stomach.)

WOMAN #2: Y’know what they say!

WOMEN: Cats rule and dogs drool!

(As they continue stabbing TED to death, MELISSA cuddles KAI on the couch, petting the girl. KAI purrs. The moment is interrupted by a knock at the door. MELISSA sets KAI down, patting her head.)

MELISSA: Stay here, kitty.

(KAI nods as MELISSA goes to answer the door. As she opens it, BILL stands there, along with PAUL and EMMA.)

BILL: Hey, Melissa! I-

EMMA: WHEN DID YOU LEARN THAT KAI WAS LEAVING?!

MELISSA: Uh, yesterday at…3 am?

(As MELISSA and EMMA bicker, PAUL notices a figure slinking towards the group. He squints and his eyes widen once he recognizes the figure.)

PAUL (shocked): Kai..?

(The group turns to see KAI, dressed in her cat onesie. She shakes her head and points to herself.)

KAI: Kitty.

PAUL: …Kai.

(KAI shakes her head, hiding behind MELISSA.)

KAI: ‘M Kitty

(EMMA and BILL look on in horror as PAUL steps forward.)

PAUL: What do you mean?!

KAI: ‘M Kitty. Momma’s kitty cat.

EMMA: “Momma”???? Who-

MELISSA: Me.

(EMMA looks at MELISSA in shock. KAI buries her face into MELISSA. She protectively holds onto the girl.)

KAI: Make ‘em go away, Momma.

MELISSA: I will, Kitty. Don’t worry.

EMMA: Oh no, we are not leaving. Not without Kai.

(KAI grips onto MELISSA tighter.)

EMMA: No. Kai, get over here. We’re going home.

KAI: No. I’m staying with Momma.

EMMA: She’s not your momma! I am!

MELISSA: Hey! Leave her alone!

EMMA: You leave her alone!

KAI: You’re not my momma. My momma loves me and would never leave me.

EMMA: I do love you! What makes you think that I don’t?!

KAI: Momma said you and Paul didn’t miss me. You didn’t worry. At all.

PAUL: But we did! We were super worried when you didn’t show up!

KAI: Nuh Uh. Momma wouldn’t lie to me.

(KAI looks up at MELISSA.)

KAI: Right, Momma?

MELISSA: No! I would never.

PAUL: Except she did! We were worried that something bad had happened to you!

(KAI gets overwhelmed and starts crying.)

KAI (upset): Momma! Make the bad people go away! Make the bad people go away!

(At this, MELISSA takes out her taser and glares at the trio. Their faces fall.)

EMMA: Okay, we’re leaving now!

(MELISSA manages to tase BILL as EMMA and PAUL book it with KAI in their arms. She thrashes out of their arms and starts running towards MELISSA.)

KAI (upset): Momma! Momma! Don’t let them take me away!

(“HONK!!” KAI turns, but it’s already too late. A car’s coming straight towards her.)

KAI: Huh-?!

(The car slams into KAI, sending her flying down the street. She’s knocked unconscious, bloodied and bruised.)

PAUL/EMMA: KAI!

MELISSA: KITTY!

(PAUL and EMMA rush over to KAI, while MELISSA angrily rushes over to the car, banging on the window.)

MELISSA: YOU ASSHOLE!! YOU JUST RAN OVER MY CAT!!

(While she screams at the person inside the car, PAUL and EMMA rush over to check on KAI. They shake her bloodied heap of a body.)

EMMA (panicked): KAI?! KAI?! ARE YOU OKAY?!

PAUL (panicked): We- We need to get her to a hospital!

(At that moment, MELISSA barges between the two, grabbing KAI.)

MELISSA (panicked): Kitty! Kitty! You’re okay! We- We just need to get you to the vet!

EMMA (annoyed): Just shut the f*ck up, Melissa!

(PAUL snatchess KAI out of MELISSA’s arms as EMMA pushes her away.)

MELISSA: Hey! Give me back my cat!
PAUL (angrily): SHE’S OUR CHILD, YOU f*ckING INSANE BITCH!

(KAI murmurs and clings onto PAUL.)

PAUL: It’s okay, Kai. It’s okay…

(MELISSA gets ready to pull out her taser, but then the person inside the car gets out and shoots MELISSA in the shoulder.)

EMMA: OH sh*t-

(The person comes over, revealing themselves to be FREDDIE.)

FREDDIE: Don’t worry, I can get you guys to a hospital so your kid can survive.

PAUL: Thank you- Thank you!

(A while later, KAI comes to, her head pounding. She reaches up to hold it, but she winces as her hands brush over the tender knot forming on her temple. She looks around the bright white room, seeing PAUL and EMMA sitting near her bed. They perk up when they notice KAI’s awake.)

KAI (groggily): Wuzzhappenin’..? Where am i..?

EMMA: Kai! Thank god you’re awake.

PAUL: You’re in the hospital, Kai.

KAI: Where’s mo- Melissa?

PAUL: She’s being treated for a gunshot wound.

KAI: What happened?

PAUL: She got shot. She’ll be patched up soon and then sent away to an asylum. She was pretty insane.

KAI: …Is she okay?

EMMA: Maybe, but why are you so worried?

KAI: I dunno. It’s kinda traumatic to lose a pet and then get shot.

(PAUL and EMMA look both confused and concerned. They look at each other before looking back at KAI.)

EMMA (concerned): …You’re not a cat, Kai.

KAI: Oh, well, um, okay.

EMMA: Well.

(PAUL and EMMA stand.)

EMMA: We’re gonna go get you something. Probably food or a drink. We’ll be back, okay?

KAI: Okay.

(They both plant a kiss on KAI’s forehead, and EMMA ruffles her hair before leaving. After a beat, KAI stands, wobbly due to injuries, but she’s up. She walks down the hallway trying to find MELISSA’s room. Right by MELISSA’s room is a cop and nurse flirting with each other. They’re not paying attention. KAI sticks her tongue out and heads into the room. MELISSA is laying down in her bed, bandaged up.)

KAI: Oh, Momma…

(KAI scoops her up and gets her out of the hospital, taking MELISSA to the one place nobody will look: KAI’s hotel room. Meanwhile, EMMA and PAUL go back to KAI’s room.)

PAUL: We’re back- (panicked) Kai?!

EMMA (panicked): Where did she go?!

(As the two panic and search around the hospital for KAI to no avail, FBI agent FREDERICK BIGGS goes to check on MELISSA, who’s nowhere to be found.)

FREDDIE (angrily): Where the hell is Melissa?!

(A little while later, MELISSA wakes up in an unfamiliar room. It looks like a fancy hotel room.)

MELISSA (groggily): Huh…? Where am I?

(KAI walks in, fiddling with the bell on her kitty onesie. She blinks, noticing MELISSA’s awake. She immediately starts to cry.)

KAI (tearfully, relieved): Mommy…!

MELISSA (relieved): Kitty!

(MELISSA rushes over to KAI and hugs her, a gesture that KAI returns, sobbing happily into MELISSA.)

MELISSA: It’s okay, Mommy’s here. Don’t worry.

KAI (sniveling): I- Iss okay, they’ll never look for you here. I’m barely ever in here, they’ll never guess that I took you here.

MELISSA: But what about you? Won’t people get worried about where you are?

KAI: …Yeah, about that. Y’see, Mommy, I’ve had time to think.

(KAI sits MELISSA down next to her on the bed.)

KAI: Everyone is telling me that you’re evil. that you kidnapped me, called me by a different name, forced me to pee in a litter box, and manipulated me into thinking the people I loved hated me. But I didn’t see it like that.

(KAI grabs MELISSA’s hand, who, in turn, holds it.)

KAI: You just wanted to take care of me. To protect me from the cruel world.

MELISSA: Of course I did, but people just don’t understand that. They’re afraid of what they don’t understand or care to know about.

KAI: Yeah. Yeah! S- so, I had an idea.

(KAI takes a deep breath.)

KAI: I’ll do my regular old routine, and pretend that I’m still Kai the person, and that Emma and Paul are my parents and all that stuff, but when I get home, I’ll be Kitty.

(KAI rests her head on MELISSA’s shoulder.)

KAI: Mommy’s Kitty.

(MELISSA smiles and she starts petting KAI, who starts crying.)

KAI: I- I know that I’m not a very good person. But, please, Mommy.

(KAI looks up at MELISSA, tears in her eyes.)

KAI: Please just let me be a good cat.

MELISSA (sweetly): You are kitty. You’re a good kitty. You’re a very good cat.

(KAI curls up in MELISSA’s arms.)

MELISSA (sweetly): Good Kitty. Good Kitty.

THE END

Chapter 2: NIGHTMARE KAI-ME SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWO: THE WAYLON SQUATTER

Chapter Text

THE WAYLON SQUATTER

(It’s a crisp, chilly day in Hatchetfield. The winter season has begun to fade, with the whispers of springtime creeping in. PETER SPANKOFFSKI walks through the halls of Hatchetfield High School as the last bell rings, his head held high and a smile on his face. Soon, he’s approached by STEPHANIE LAUTER, who hooks an arm around his shoulder with a grin that PETE returns.)

STEPH: Hey, nerd.

PETE: Hey, Steph.

(STEPH presses a kiss to PETE’s cheek. He blinks and touches the spot with a lovestruck smile.)

STEPH: So-o-o, what’s going on with you?

PETE: Eh, nothing much. Ooh! Me, PJ, and Reese are all gonna meet up Saturday at Beanie’s to study for the chem exam. You can join us, if you want.

STEPH (teasingly): And interrupt you nerds’ study date? No thanks.

(PETE rolls his eyes, elbowing STEPH playfully. She laughs.)

STEPH: Speaking of dates, you. Me. The Waylon Place. Tonight. You in?

(PETE’s smile fades slightly.)

PETE: Isn’t that…

STEPH: Where the Max thing happened? And our lives went to sh*t? Yeah.

PETE: I don’t know, Steph. It’s not structurally sound, there’s the traumatic memories, and the whole thing about the little ghost girl.

STEPH: Little ghost girl?

PETE: Some rumor I heard. I know, I know, but after the whole Max thing, I don’t wanna chance it. It’s a no go on ghosts for me!

(STEPH chuckles.)

STEPH: I get it, but what if we made new memories there? Better ones?

(PETE pauses, debating the idea. Eventually, he smiles and nods.)

PETE: Y’know what, yeah. Let’s do it. Can we go to Beanie’s first, though? Cause, y’know,

STEPH (teasingly)/PETE: I have very low blood sugar.

(PETE scoffs in mock offense as STEPH laughs.)

STEPH (laughing): Yeah, yeah, sure. We’ll get you your hot chocolate.

PETE: Thank you. God, you don’t have to make fun of me for it.

STEPH: It’s not that! It’s just that you say it all the goddamn time.

PETE: Well, it’s true!

(The two playfully bicker as they walk to Beanie’s, heading up to the register. They look towards the barista, and their happy demeanor diminishes. EMMA PERKINS is working the counter, her bun sloppily put together, her apron hanging on by a thread, and her eyebags dark and purple. She glances over to PETE and STEPH.)

EMMA (disinterested): Welcome to Beanie’s, what can I get you.

PETE: Uh, a hot chocolate, and (to STEPH) do you want anything?

STEPH: I’m good.

PETE (to EMMA): And that’s it.

(EMMA nods curtly and gets to work. The duo watches awkwardly, opening their mouths periodically to offer condolences, but no sound comes out. Eventually, EMMA finishes, passing PETE his hot chocolate. He takes it and pays. As he tips, EMMA starts to hand STEPH two flyers. The two begin to awkwardly refuse.)

PETE: Oh- oh no- no thank you- we know- we were her friends-

EMMA (exasperated): I know you know. It’s just- I miss her, okay? It’s been, what, four months since anyone saw her? And usually, with this kind of thing, the longer they’re missing, people forget. And I don’t want people to forget about her. She doesn’t deserve that. So, just, take a poster. Please.

(PETE and STEPH see the desperation on EMMA’s face and nod, taking the flyers out of EMMA’s hand. They look down at the image, the bright and smiling face of KAI DREW staring back at them. The words “HAVE YOU SEEN ME?” are plastered above her, and below reads some general information about her, what she was last seen in, a phone number to call if you had any information, and a short snippet about how she was last seen with GRACE CHASITY in the school parking lot at the homecoming dance. The two stare at the picture a moment longer, staring at KAI’s smile, remembering everything about her. How, when they first met, KAI was angry, depressed, and closed off. How her first instinct when met with conflict was to beat it until it wouldn’t bother her anymore. How she changed. How they only got to see her happy for a night before she disappeared. They look back up at EMMA with an awkward and apologetic look.)

STEPH (awkward): Uh…I’m sorry for your loss.

EMMA (quickly): She’s not dead. I’m not letting that happen.

PETE: Al- alright. We, uh…we hope you find her.

(They turn, beginning to exit the coffee shop.)

PETE: …Well, that puts a damper on things.

STEPH (flirtatiously): Oh please, you haven’t even seen damp. Just wait ‘till we get to the Waylon, I’ll show you something really wet.

PETE (flustered): WH- STEPH!

(They laugh and bicker, as they walk out. Meanwhile, GRACE CHASITY watches them from afar, a disapproving expression on her face. She shakes her head as she sips on her hot water.)

GRACE (disapprovingly): Not on my watch, Lautski. Not on my watch.

(PETE and STEPH eventually make their way into the Waylon Place, setting their bags near the door, making sure to leave their exit route open. They make eye contact, and begin to lean in towards each other, their lips nearly connecting, until:)

GRACE (loudly): MAKE ROOM FOR JESUS!

(GRACE’s arm comes between the two, pushing them away from each other. STEPH looks at GRACE with a mixture of shock and anger.)

STEPH: Grace, what the actual f-

GRACE: What were you two thinking?!

STEPH: I was thinking of having a nice night with the guy I’m dating!

GRACE: Here?! It’s not structurally sound!

STEPH: Goddamnit, it’s not like we’re going to parade around the entire house, waiting for the floor to cave in!

GRACE: Oh, please! What about the rumors?!

STEPH: Oh, what, we’re gonna get attacked by some fake ghosts?! Butt out, Chastity! We’ve dealt with the real thing!

(GRACE huffs before straightening up.)

GRACE: …Have you two heard of the ghost of The Waylon Squatter?

STEPH: The what?

(GRACE clears her throat.)

[NOTE: As GRACE tells her story, crossfade into a visual showing the story.]

GRACE: There’s a rumor that one cold winter day, decades ago, a young girl, around 5-9, entered the Waylon, seeking a place to hide from the cold. She was tired, hungry, and freezing, so the Waylon seemed like her best option. However, during her stay, she was tormented by the spirits that lived within the walls, and she went crazy and threw herself down the stairs, committing suicide. It’s said that you can still hear her to this day, walking the halls, singing any song she can still remember from when she was alive. Now, minus the whole Max thing, ghosts aren’t real. You die, and you either go to heaven or hell.

STEPH: So, what the f*ck was that about?!

GRACE: …There might be an actual squatter living here-

PETE/STEPH: WHAT?!

GRACE: Well, after they found Max’s body, the buyer dropped the deal, obviously! So, Daddy came a few weeks ago to spruce up the house before he put it back on the market. When he went up to the attic, he said it looked like someone was living up there. He said he thought they left, maybe, ‘cause he was there, so he started cleaning out the attic. But then, he heard something from the rafters:

(GRACE wiggles her fingers for effect.)

GRACE (overdramatic scary voice): “Nonono…don’t take it…please…it’s all I have…don’t take it…”

(GRACE puts her hands down.)

GRACE: And so, Daddy ran. Plus, people have seen movement in the house, and if you get close enough you can hear a girl singing. There’s definitely a squatter!

PETE: …But you got them out, right?

GRACE: …Uh.

PETE: You got them out, right?

(As if on cue, shuffling comes from upstairs, and then, a voice.)

[NOTE: TWS stands for THE WAYLON SQUATTER]

TWS: We’ll, meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when, but I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day…

(The trio’s faces fall.)

PETE (to GRACE): YOU DIDN’T GET THEM OUT?!

GRACE: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM OUT???

PETE: I DUNNO, CALL THE COPS?!

GRACE: AFTER WHAT HAPPENED HERE LAST TIME?!

STEPH: Nope- not doing this-

(STEPH turns to the entrance, which is now shut, the hinges stuck in place. She turns back to GRACE, pissed.)

STEPH: YOU SHUT THE f*ckING DOOR?!

GRACE: Erm-

TWS: What are you doing here?

(The trio turns, noticing a girl at the top of the stairs. She’s small, underfed, a thin layer of pale skin stretched over her skeleton. Her hair was long and wiry, a dark shade of brown with streaks of gray darting through her wild mop. She wore ratty clothes that were far too big for her frame. Her cheekbones were sunken in, and her dark purple eye bags made her look like a ghost. Their hearts drop as they back up.)

STEPH: What do we-

GRACE (determined): I’ve got it!

(GRACE reaches into her bag, pulling out the Black Book. STEPH and PETE look horrified.)

STEPH: WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?!

GRACE: …So I may have been killing everyone who strays from celibacy and/or sins-

STEPH/PETE: What.

GRACE: …And maybe I was planning on killing you guys for having sexual relations here-

STEPH/PETE: What?!

GRACE: …And maybeeee I’m the reason Kai’s gone missing?

STEPH/PETE: WHAT?!

GRACE: LISTEN- YOU HEARD WHAT SHE DID-

PETE: YOU KILLED KAI?!

GRACE: I DON’T KNOW! SHE RAN OFF BEFORE I COULD SEE! PLUS, IF SHES DEAD, SHE GOT HERSELF KILLED FOR HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!

STEPH: SHE SAID SHE WAS ASEXUAL!

GRACE: STILL- we don’t even know if she’s dead! Maybe she ran off and started a new life where she follows the word of God and repents for her sins! Shestillisdirtyandneedstodie- but it’s better!

PETE: OR SHE'S HOMELESS!

STEPH: OR DEAD! YOU RUINED HER FAMILY!!! HAVE YOU SEEN HER PARENTS?!

GRACE: SHUT UP-

TWS: What are you doing here?

(The trio screams and backs away. THE WAYLON SQUATTER tilts her head curiously. GRACE raises the Black Book, fumbling through the pages.)

GRACE: Th- This spell will allow me to devour your soul!

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER’s visible eye widens, and she backs up, terrified, as she’s reminded of a night she wishes she forgot. Her body begins to move on instinct, its only goal being to protect itself.)

PETE: YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HER?!

GRACE: WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO WE HAVE?!

STEPH: REMOVING HER PEACEFULLY???

GRACE: YEAH, LIKE THAT’LL-

(Suddenly, two hands grab GRACE’s head. “SNAP!!!” GRACE’s head is jerked to the side, her neck snapping. Her body falls to the floor, tumbling down with a loud “THUNK!” Blood begins to seep onto the floor as PETE, STEPH, and THE WAYLON SQUATTER look at the body, horrified. PETE grabs STEPH’s hand, pulling her to run. THE WAYLON SQUATTER looks up, terrified.)

PETE (terrified): Steph- Steph- we gotta go-

STEPH (terrified): Oh- oh my god-

TWS (terrified): I- I didn’t-

(The couple runs away, as THE WAYLON SQUATTER reaches out for them.)

TWS (terrified): I didn’t mean to.

(PETE and STEPH run through the house, trying every window and door they can.)

STEPH: God- why is everything either locked and/or stuck shut?!

PETE: It’s- it’s an old house! Stuff- stuff like that happens!

STEPH: Well, it shouldn’t! We- we need a plan.

PETE: Yeah- yeah, that’s smart.

(STEPH stops, looking at PETE.)

STEPH (realizing): The- The guns!

PETE: What?!

STEPH: Kai- didn’t Kai stash guns around here? She pulled- she pulled one out on us when I met her? Something about us being “infected”?

PETE (realizing): You- you’re right!

STEPH: So?! Let’s go find one!

(The two run, looking for one of the said gun stashes they knew about. They eventually find one, a loose floorboard that KAI had kicked open to make room for weapons and snacks. They grab the floorboard, pulling at it.)

STEPH: Here we go…

(They find nothing. The compartment is empty, apart from a few cobwebs.)

PETE (shocked, angry): Wh- WHAT THE f*ck?!

STEPH: Hold up.

(STEPH flips over the floorboard, revealing some insane rambling carved into the board. “BLINKY = ALWAYS WATCHING (MAKE HIM STOP)”, “CATS RULE, DOGS DROOL (???)”, “WHAT’S A WEBBY?”, “HOME ISN’T SAFE ANYMORE”, and “5 STAR REVIEW” are just to name a few. The largest of the carvings has a deep underline scratched underneath it: “REMEMBER YOUR NAME. REMEMBER YOUR FAMILY. YOU’RE STILL YOU.”)

PETE: What the…

(Suddenly, THE WAYLON SQUATTER’s footsteps are heard.)

TWS (unnerved): I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent…I will only break your pretty things…! I will only wring you dry of ev’-ry-thing…! And if you're fine with that…you can be mine like that…

(STEPH’s eyes widen with recognition, and PETE holds up the board defensively. STEPH pushes it down.)

STEPH: Pete- she- she doesn’t want to hurt us.

PETE: Then what was that with Grace?!

STEPH: I think she’s just as scared as us. I think she’s scared of us, maybe more than we are of her.

(As THE WAYLON SQUATTER comes into view, STEPH looks over at her, a sort of sadness in her eyes.)

STEPH: …You miss your family, don’t you?

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER backs up, the words beginning to remind her of a memory. STEPH reaches out for her.)

STEPH: Let me help you.

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER backs up. She can’t tell who STEPH is. Is she a kind hearted teenager who wants to help? Or is she possessed by that stupid blue sh*t? THE WAYLON SQUATTER can’t tell. And she’s too afraid to rationalize anything. So, she lifts the gun she had on her. STEPH’s eyes widen and her hands go up, but her face returns to neutral.)

STEPH: It’s alright. It’s alright. It’s okay. I know. You’re okay. It’s not your fault, I promise. You’re okay. I know you don’t mean it. It’s alright. You’re alright

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER pulls the trigger, and the bullet lodges itself into STEPH’s brain, sending STEPH tumbling to the floor.)

PETE (terrified): STEPH!

(PETE lunges towards STEPH, cradling her body. STEPH wheezes and puffs, taking her final breaths.)

PETE: Steph, listen, I’ll-

STEPH (weak): Pete- you listen. Don’t- don’t hurt her.

PETE: Wh-?! Steph, she-

STEPH (weak): She didn’t mean it, Pete. Listen, she’s- she’s…

(The light leaves STEPH’s eyes, and her body goes limp. PETE’s eyes widen and he shakes her shoulders.)

PETE: Steph?! STEPH?!

(PETE looks up at THE WAYLON SQUATTER, hate and anger in his eyes. The look diminishes, as he finds that THE WAYLON SQUATTER isn’t stoic or uncaring, rather she’s crying, staring at herself with a look of utter terror. She throws the gun away.)

TWS (terrified): No, no, no, no, nO, NO, NO!

(She falls to her knees, tugging at her hair. She starts to crawl over to STEPH’s body, and PETE drops her. He backs up, terrified. THE WAYLON SQUATTER hugs STEPH’s body.)

TWS (terrified): I’m sorry… I’m sorry…

(PETE stands, shakily starting to run away. He looks back to find THE WAYLON SQUATTER staring back, her visible eye wet with tears, pupil constricted like a scared animal.)

TWS (terrified): I- I don’t know what I’m doing.

(PETE continues to run. He runs up the stairs, runs around the second floor, until he finds the open attic door, the ladder dropped down. He starts to climb, faster than he ever climbed the rope in the gym. He gets to the attic, expecting an empty space covered in cobwebs.)

PETE: What the…?

(Instead, he finds that the attic walls are covered with various papers and photographs, everything connected by different colored threads, blue, green, and red being most prominent. Diagrams of timelines splitting off from one highlighted in blue, each new line ending with an X. Scribbles of notes written in a cartoonish font slowly spiraling into insanity. Sketches of different places, including a teen’s bedroom, an apartment, cabins in the woods, and a strange yellow labyrinth are just to name a few. The phrase “I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE” is repeatedly scribbled throughout the wall of insanity. There’s a ratty sleeping bag in the corner, with what PETE can only assume used to be a blanket lying atop it. He walks around the room, eyes following the strings until he finds what they all connect to. His eyes widen as he looks at the photograph, recognizing the members of the small family. He gently traces his fingers along the outlines of the father, the mother, and then he gets to the child. He knows her face. Suddenly, it’s like it all clicks. He knows her eyes. He knows her voice. It’s all been twisted by time, but it’s the same. He knows THE WAYLON SQUATTER. He understands now what STEPH meant. No longer is he afraid of her. He’s confused. He’s filled with a burning curiosity to learn what happened to her. And, despite his gut instinct telling him to just find a way out, he runs out of the attic, looking for THE WAYLON SQUATTER.)

PETE: Hey! Hey!! HEY!!!

(He slams into something, making him fall onto his rear. He looks up, finding THE WAYLON SQUATTER clutching an ax in her hand.)

PETE: Hey- hey, hey.

(He doesn’t stand, rather he simply raises his hands to show her that he means no harm.)

PETE: You- you don’t have to kill me! I’m not gonna tell. I’m- I’m not gonna hurt you either. I- I don’t want to hurt you, so- so I'm not going to, okay? I- I know you’re scared. I am too. Alright? But- but I'm not afraid of you. I’m not, okay? I know you.

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER staggers forward. PETE scoots back.)

PETE: At least, I used to. We were friends. Well, more like acquaintances. But- but I cared about you, I swear. And I’m not going to hurt you. I wanna help you. I do. But- but this is confusing, okay? You just…you disappeared. And it’s only been a month or two, but you look like you’ve been gone for years. Everyone thinks you’re dead. We’re all worried. And- and I’m not mad at you, okay? Nobody is. I get it. You’re scared. You’re running on adrenaline. You thought they were threats, so you did what you thought you had to do. I’m not mad. How could I ever be mad? You’re just- you’re scared, how can I be mad at you for being scared? You thought they were threats. You think I’m a threat. I’m not. I’m not, I promise, I swear. Okay? I’m not gonna hurt you. I- I just want to know:

(PETE looks at her, his eyes filled with concern and kindness. To THE WAYLON SQUATTER, however, they look to be a sickening shade of yellow, his pupils misshapen to look like a goat, a mocking smile plastered on his face.)

PETE: What happened to you?

(She can’t tell what’s real anymore, her mind broken beyond repair. THE WAYLON SQUATTER drives the ax into his skull. He doesn’t scream, he simply moves to try and block himself, his attempt fruitless. After a moment, the realization of what she has done hits her, she sobs over his dead body, cradling his head in her arms.)

TWS (sobbing): I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…

(Meanwhile, the local HOMELESS MAN of Hatchetfield walks down the residential street that houses The Waylon, holding a warm styrofoam cup filled with some mystery soup that he got from the local soup kitchen. People stare at him with either pity or contempt, trying their best to steer clear of him. He’s become used to this ostracizing, now he simply chooses to ignore it. He makes his way to The Waylon, pushing his way through the jammed door. He calls into the house.)

HOMELESS MAN: Hey, kid, I got you some-

(He drops the cup as he faces the scene in front of him. In the main hall sits THE WAYLON SQUATTER, sobbing over PETE’s dead body. Nearby, the bodies of STEPH and GRACE lie in pools of their own blood. THE WAYLON SQUATTER looks at him, scared of herself.)

TWS (sobbing, terrified): I- I didn’t- I don’t know-

(As she sputters, the HOMELESS MAN rushes over, holding her by the shoulders, getting onto his knees to make eye contact with her.)

HOMELESS MAN: Hey. Hey. Look at me. Look at me.

(She does so, sniveling. She wipes off the tears and snot dribbling down her face.)

HOMELESS MAN: Are you okay?

TWS: I’m scared and I wanna puke.

HOMELESS MAN: …Other than that.

TWS: I- I think I’m alright.

HOMELESS MAN: Good, good. That’s good. What happened?

TWS: I- I dunno, I- I freaked out I guess. I- I didn’t-

HOMELESS MAN: I know, I know. You didn’t mean to.

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER snivels. The HOMELESS MAN makes eye contact with PETE’s glossy ones. He sighs and ruffles THE WAYLON SQUATTER’s hair, standing.)

HOMELESS MAN: C’mon, kid.

TWS: Where- where are we goin’?

HOMELESS MAN: We gotta deal with the bodies.

TWS: Oh. Right.

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER clings to his leg, and he strokes her hair, urging her to walk with him.)

TWS: Am I gonna go to jail…?

HOMELESS MAN: Nah. No. You’ll be fine. This is Hatchetfield.

HOMELESS MAN/TWS: People go missing every day.

(The two nod towards each other solemnly. The HOMELESS MAN slings PETE and STEPH’s bodies over his shoulder, and he grabs GRACE’s by the ankle. The two make their way outside to the forest behind The Waylon. THE WAYLON SQUATTER grabs two shovels leaning against the house, and the two head into a deeper part of the woods. Once they decide they’re deep enough in, THE WAYLON SQUATTER hands the HOMELESS MAN one of the shovels. It takes a bit, but they manage to make two deep graves. They put PETE and STEPH in one, with GRACE going in the other. They then bury the bodies, throwing some foliage on the graves, and it’s as if it never happened. THE WAYLON SQUATTER clings to the HOMELESS MAN’s leg once more, and he sighs. He scoops the younger girl up in his arms.)

HOMELESS MAN: C’mon, let’s get you to bed, kid.

(THE WAYLON SQUATTER says nothing, simply clinging to him tighter. He makes his way back to The Waylon, heading up the stairs, up the ladder and into the attic. He sets her down atop her worn sleeping bag, pulling the ratty blanket over her small form. He ruffles her hair and begins to make his way down the ladder.)

TWS: G’night, Ted.

(He looks up, his head the last thing in the attic. He looks at the girl, at what she’s become, so far removed from the girl she once was. He pities her, stuck in her own personal hell like he is. He nods towards her.)

HOMELESS MAN: Goodnight, Kai.

THE END

Chapter 3: NIGHTMARE KAI-ME SEASON ONE, EPISODE THREE: FOREVER AND ALWAYS

Chapter Text

FOREVER AND ALWAYS

(The crisp, summer sunlight streams through the windows of Hatchetfield’s Natural History Museum. Friends and family gather in the main hall for the special occasion. PAUL MATTHEWS and EMMA PERKINS smile lovingly at each other, dressed to the nines in their wedding attire. PROFESSOR HIDGENS is officiating.)

PROFESSOR HIDGENS: And now, the bride and groom have prepared their own vows. Paul?

(PAUL smiles and starts to unfold a piece of paper.)

PAUL: Hi, Emma.

(PAUL begins to read off his vows. It’s a very happy occasion for all parties involved, the crowd smiling, some tearing up. Everything’s perfect. That is, except for the child of the bride and groom, KAI DREW. She sits in the back, where nobody can see the bored and slightly disgusted expression on her face. She twirls her hair, looking up at the ceiling.)

KAI (inner monologue): God, I hate weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for ‘em. Plus, they promised me extra cake. But, I cannot stand weddings. Don’t have the best experience with ‘em. Friggin’ Mira. When’s this thing over? Can something happen to just end it early? I just wanna go home. This suck-

(As EMMA reads her vows, Hatchetfield’s local HOMELESS MAN bursts into the museum.)

HOMELESS MAN: Liar!

(KAI blinks and sits up, staring at the man, as does everyone else.)

EMMA: What…?

HOMELESS MAN: I said, you are a f*cking liar!

PAUL: Excuse me, who let that guy in here?

HOMELESS MAN: You think I don't know? You think I don't remember?! I’ve seen the plan. You aren’t Emma Perkins!

(TOM HOUSTON gets up and grabs the man’s arm.)

TOM: Alright, pal. That’s enough.

HOMELESS MAN: (freaking out) That’s not Emma Perkins! That’s not Emma- (calm) Spare change for the homeless? (freaking out) THAT’S NOT EMMA!!!!

(He begins to get dragged off. As he thrashes and shouts, he spots KAI. With a burst of adrenaline, he manages to free himself from TOM’s arms.)

TOM: Wh- hey!

(The HOMELESS MAN runs over to KAI, grabbing her by the shoulders with a vice grip. She shrieks.)

HOMELESS MAN (deathly serious): Listen to me, and listen to me good. You have to get out of here. Call up the boat and go back to Unington while you still can. You gotta go, kid. Go back to Unington.

KAI: Wh- how do you know about Unington?!

(TOM grabs the HOMELESS MAN once more.)

TOM: Alright, pal, let go of the kid.

(He starts to pull him off KAI. The HOMELESS MAN makes eye contact with her, desperately trying to get his message across.)

HOMELESS MAN: It only gets worse from here, Kai.

(KAI’s heart stops. How does he know her name? He shouldn’t know her name. Nobody said it, right? How does he know her name? How does he know about Unington? KAI’s freak out gets cut short by EMMA running past, clearly distraught. KAI stands.)

KAI: Mom?

(KAI then runs after her mother. She finds EMMA sitting on a bench in an empty hallway, crying. KAI takes a seat next to her.)

KAI: Momma? Are you good? Do you want me to beat that guy up? Cause I totally would-

EMMA (sniveling): No, i-it’s fine, Kai. It’s just that the reality of all this is hitting me for the first time.

KAI: Reality of what?

EMMA (sniveling): Everything! I never thought I’d ever get married or have a kid! It’s just all….It’s just a lot.

KAI: …Yeah, it is, huh?

(KAI sighs.)

KAI: Now, listen. I’m probably never gonna get married. I have- uh- issues with that. And I’m not having kids. I can barely take care of myself as it is. So, I dunno if I’m the most qualified person to give this advice, but…

(KAI clears her throat.)

KAI: Um, I think you really like where you're at. And, I’m gonna be honest, life is…confusing. It’s rarely ever planned. I mean, hell, I had never expected to settle down in Hatchetfield of all places! I thought I’d live in Unington all my life!

(KAI looks towards EMMA with a smile.)

KAI: But then I met you, Momma. And Dad. And as crazy as it is, it’s kinda super rad that we’re here now. So, maybe we should just…take it in stride. Go with the wind. It’s gotten us this far!

(KAI and EMMA chuckle.)

EMMA: …You’re right. I’m glad I got to have you and Paul in my life.

(She wipes away her tears.)

EMMA: Now, let’s go back and continue this wedding.

KAI: Ya sure you don’t want a moment? I can yell at everyone and tell them to wait. And I could get Dad in here so you guys can talk about this too.

EMMA: …Right…Get Paul over here…I think it would be good if I talked with him.

KAI: Alrighty!

(KAI rushes off to go get PAUL. She tugs on his sleeve, and he leans down towards her. She gets on her tiptoes and whispers in his ear.)

KAI: Momma wants to talk to you. She’s good, she’s sitting on a bench in the hallway.

PAUL: Okay, hopefully it’s not about anything bad…

(He goes out to find EMMA, and KAI plops back in her seat. She pulls out her earbuds and plugs them into her phone, popping them in her ears. She blasts some music, leaning back to tune everything out. She starts to think. How did that homeless dude know about Unington? She hasn’t mentioned it…ever. Well, apart from mentioning it offhandedly to PAUL and EMMA. Maybe he knows her from her music? But then why try to convince her to leave Hatchetfield? It didn’t feel like some crazed fan. It felt personal, somehow. KAI snaps out of it once EMMA and PAUL come back, holding hands and smiling.)

PAUL (happily): …The wedding’s back on.

(KAI frowns slightly and sighs, taking her headphones out. She sits up, watching through the wedding impatiently. Eventually, KAI’s wish is granted, and the wedding festivities are over. The family is walking out of the museum, KAI’s hands intertwined with one from each of her parents.)

KAI: I get my extra cake, right?

(PAUL and EMMA chuckle.)

PAUL: Yeah, yeah, you’ll get it eventually.

(KAI grins and lets go of her parents’ hands, running forward and pumping her fists, cheering. The two laugh at their child’s antics, and EMMA leans her head on PAUL’s shoulder.)

EMMA: Well, Mister Perkins? That’s your daughter.

PAUL: Wouldn’t change it for the world, Miss Matthews.

(They laugh as KAI falls back, joining hands with them once more. EMMA pokes KAI’s cheek playfully.)

EMMA (teasingly): And how about you, Miss Perkins-Matthews-Drew?

KAI: Nononono. Sorry. Shutting that down right now. The name ‘Kai Drew’ is an essential part of my brand, and I cannot lose it!

EMMA: C’mon-n-n.

KAI: Nuh uh. Sorry.

EMMA: Please?

KAI: I’ll give you my middle name, howza’ bout that?

EMMA: I’ll take it!

(The family makes their way home, chatting and laughing all the way. Once inside their apartment, EMMA goes to pack her bag for the honeymoon, and PAUL hands KAI the keys, kneeling down to her level.)

KAI: Don’t- don’t do that.

(PAUL stands back up.)

PAUL: Okay, Kai. Your mother and I’ll be gone for the weekend, but we’ll still be in town, okay?

KAI: Yeah, yeah, I got’cha. You’ve been running me through this for weeks.

PAUL: …Okay, fair. But I just want to know if-

KAI: I’ll be fine, Dad. I promise. I know where the hidden guns are!

PAUL: …Kai, there’s no hidden guns in our apartment.

KAI: That’s what you think.

PAUL: …Kai, did you hide guns in our apartment?

(KAI giggles.)

PAUL: KAI-

(EMMA comes out, holding their bags.)

EMMA: Alright, we’re off!

(EMMA grabs PAUL’s hand and kisses KAI’s forehead. KAI starts to lead them out.)

PAUL: Emma, I think Kai hid guns in the apartment-

EMMA: WHAT- KAI DID YOU HIDE GUNS IN THE APARTMENT?!

KAI: Okaythanksloveyoubyeee!

(KAI pushes them out, locking the door. She exhales, grinning. Her posture slumps as her body relaxes.)

KAI: Finally, a weekend to myself.

(KAI flops onto the couch, playing around on the Xbox in the living room. After a while, she looks up, staring at the door.)

KAI (unserious): Did they die-e-e…?

(She laughs.)

KAI (under her breath): They’re fine.

(A beat passes. KAI frowns, now anxious about what could be happening to her parents.)

KAI (anxious): Dangit.

(The weekend crawls by for KAI, as she sits around the house, doing whatever she can to distract herself. She routinely messages a friend, who offers to come to her place to help her unwind. However, his definition of “unwinding” involves underage drinking using cheap beer, which KAI does not condone (the underage drinking part, not the trash beer), so it's a no for her. Eventually, the weekend ends, and PAUL and EMMA return.)

EMMA (entering): Hey, kid!
PAUL (entering): We’re back!

(KAI leaps off the couch, hugging them tight. They return her hug.)

KAI: Hey! I missed you guys.

EMMA: Us too.

(KAI releases them. The two begin to walk off.)

KAI: Where y’all goin’?

PAUL: We’ve got to unpack, then get to work.

KAI: Dang, no breaks for you.

EMMA: We just got back from vacation!

(KAI chuckles and shrugs, sitting back down on the couch, doomscrolling on her phone. PAUL and EMMA enter a bit later, ready for their respective jobs. KAI waves.)

KAI: Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Love you! See you soon! Have a good day!

PAUL: Bye Kai! Love you too.

EMMA: See you, kid. Love you.

(They leave. KAI relaxes, going back to rotting on the couch, occasionally messing around on the Xbox, her phone, anything with a screen. Later, around five in the afternoon, PAUL returns, looking angry. He hastily sets his briefcase down and takes his coat off, storming into the kitchen. KAI sits up.)

KAI: Woahh, what’s with you, pop?

PAUL (dismissive): Nothing, Kai. Don’t worry about it.

KAI (insistent): Daaaad…

(He sighs and turns to look at her, her arms propped up on the back of the couch, her cheek pressed into the back of her hand, looking at him with eyes that say “I’m not letting this go until you tell me.” He sighs again, coming over to the couch and taking a seat. He pats the space next to him, to which KAI rockets over, snuggling into his side. He strokes her hair, running his fingers through her fluffy teal locks, an action he finds comforting.)

PAUL: It’s really nothing.

KAI: Mhm. And I’m the straightest gal in the universe.

(PAUL does a cross between a snort and a laugh.)

PAUL: Okay, okay. It’s just…I saw your mom while I was at work.

KAI: Oh, that’s fun!

PAUL: Well, it was. But then she acted like she didn’t know me! And then she called me a pervert outside the place I worked!
KAI: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sure she-

PAUL: Kai, sweetheart, princess, pumpkin, baby, darling girl, honeybun, cupcake, angel, sugarplum, light of my life, can you just sit here quietly?

KAI (smiling): And cuddle your problems away?

PAUL: Yeah.

KAI: Alright.

(KAI burrows her nose into PAUL’s side. He hums, holding KAI close to him, petting her hair.)

PAUL: …You’ll always love me, right? No matter what happens?

KAI: What kinda question is that? Obviously. You’re always gonna be my dad. You’re stuck with me.

PAUL: Always and forever?

KAI: Forever and always.

(PAUL smiles and buries his nose in her hair. KAI smiles and grabs up her controller, booting up Overcooked. He blinks and lets go of her, shuddering away.)

PAUL: Nope. Nope. Not cuddling you if you’re playing that.

KAI: Wha-a-at? C’mon! You played it with me a few weeks ago!

PAUL: Yeah! And you chucked your controller at my head!
KAI: Pssht! No.

PAUL: You did! Cause I couldn’t get the sushi done in time!

KAI: Well, pops, you’re an idiot. And a terrible chef.

(PAUL scowls playfully and ruffles her hair. He gets up to go make himself a snack. KAI begins to play, angrily grumbling every so often, increasing in frequency the longer she plays.)

PAUL: Don’t break the TV.

KAI (angrily): Well, if it’s gonna be a bi- uh- jerk, it’s getting broken!

(PAUL snickers, going back to what he was doing. Eventually, EMMA comes back, to which PAUL scowls.)

[NOTE: KAI’s lines are quieter and in the background unless specified.]

EMMA: Hi! I got a bunch of recipes I wanna try from that vegan cookbook Zoey got us.

KAI: I’M GONNA FRICKIN’ KILL MYSELF WHERE THE HELL ARE THE CUCUMBERS?!

PAUL: What is your problem?!

EMMA (confused): What? We talked about going vegan.

PAUL: I'm not talking about that. You humiliated me today. Why? Why would you do that?

KAI: (to EMMA)Yeah, dad said you acted like you didn’t know him- (background) MY SUSHI ROLL-

PAUL: Thank you, Kai. You called me a “pervert” right in front of the building where I work!

EMMA: Wait….you saw me today? By your work?

PAUL: Yes. Now you’re gonna act like that wasn’t you?

KAI: FUC-

PAUL/EMMA: KAI!

EMMA: Language.

KAI: (to EMMA) Yes, momma. (to herself) I’M GONNA SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD-

EMMA: Wh- Don’t say that either!

KAI (annoyed): Oh, aw’right.

(KAI goes back to gaming.)

EMMA: Paul. This is very important. Did you see me today, or someone who looks like me? Think hard. Are you one hundred percent certain it was me?

PAUL (angrily): I’m pretty darn sure. Yeah, it was you.

(KAI lets out a scream, rising to her feet. She huffs, walking towards the door.)

KAI: Mom, dad, while you two argue and get onto the brink of divorce-

PAUL: Wh- we’re not getting a divorce!

KAI: Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. Anyways, I’m taking a walk, or else I may break the TV.

(Before either of her parents can say anything, KAI makes a swift exit. She walks down the street, grumbling about her game. She bumps into a woman.)

KAI: Ope! My bad- Momma? What are you doin’ out here?

(The woman, who seems to look like EMMA, stares back. She has EMMA’s face, yet she looks different. Her hair was out of her signature bun, rather it was braided. She wore a dingy hoodie and sweatpants. And she looks confused, almost pissed.)

EMMA: What are you talking about?

KAI: You were back home, arguing with dad-

EMMA: Wha- First off, I don’t have any kids. I never will have kids. Second, I’m never getting married.

KAI: …Are you joshin’ me, mom?

EMMA: I’m not your mom, dude! Why is everyone so weird today?!

(KAI blinks, the pieces clicking together.)

KAI: …You’re not the Emma I know, aren’t you?

EMMA: …What do you mean?

KAI: The Emma I know, well, she’s sort of become my mom. And she’s married to this guy named Paul Matthews. And I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that you aren’t her.

EMMA: ….I am Emma. Emma Perkins?

KAI: Yeah. She’s named Emma Perkins too.

EMMA: She’s been stealing my life?!

KAI: I think.

EMMA: Yeah, no. Tell me where she lives so I can get my life back.

KAI: I could show you.

EMMA: Lead the way.

(KAI leads EMMA to the apartment. She knocks on the door, to which PAUL opens up, looking a bit worried. KAI waves.)

KAI: Hey, dad.

PAUL: Oh my god! Thank goodness you’re alright!

(He scoops KAI up into a hug.)

KAI: Woah, what’s with you?

PAUL: I was worried about you.

(He sees EMMA and smiles.)

PAUL: And I’m happy to see-

EMMA (disinterested): Yeah, that's nice. I want some answers.

KAI: Yeah, uh, dad? This is the real Emma. The Emma we knew is a fake.

PAUL (clearly lying): …What are you talking about?

KAI: So, apparently, she’s the real Emma Perkins, and the Emma we know stole her life, which is real fuc-

PAUL: Language!

KAI: But the swearing emphasizes my point!

EMMA: Oh my god, please don’t tell me I became one of those boring ass parents who don’t let their kids curse.

PAUL: Hey, don’t swear around her. We agreed we wouldn’t do that around Kai or let her swear. It just… doesn’t feel right.

EMMA: DUDE, I SWEAR TO GOD-

KAI: Easy, easy, everyone! Dad, she’s not the Emma we know. This is, uh…

(KAI turns to look at EMMA.)

KAI: Real Emma?

(EMMA nods.)

EMMA: Real Emma.

(KAI nods and turns back to PAUL.)

KAI: Real Emma, and she makes different decisions than our Emma, cause she’s not her.

PAUL: So-o-o, she’s not my wife?

KAI: Well, that’s up to her to decide! But I think that’s a no from her-

PAUL: …So-

EMMA (quickly): No. We’re not married and never will be.

PAUL: Okay-

KAI: So, what now?

EMMA: Is “she” here?

PAUL (suspicious): I, uh, I think she is.

EMMA: Alright, we should go somewhere safe.

(She grabs PAUL and KAI’s hand and storms out of the apartment. They all arrive at the Birdhouse, a small pub and music venue. EMMA goes up to the bar.)

EMMA: Just give me anything, please.

KAI: Can I have alcohol?

PAUL/EMMA: No.

KAI: Aw.

(The bartender comes back with a few shots of whiskey. EMMA immediately downs a shot.)

PAUL: Emma… I’ve never seen you drink like that.

EMMA: You’ve never seen me do anything, dude!

(KAI tries to grab one of the shots. EMMA moves the shots away. PAUL quietly orders a beer in the background.)

EMMA: I got back from Guatemala two days ago. I went through hell and high water to get here.

PAUL: Oh, so Emma’s not dead?

EMMA: She told you I was dead?!

KAI: Wait, whaddya mean ‘Emma’, Dad? You knew there were two?

PAUL (clearly lying): …Erm- no- what are you talking about-

KAI: You- you knew?! Real Emma, back me up here, he said he knew, right?!

EMMA: Yeah, he said he knew.

(EMMA downs another shot.)

KAI: (to EMMA) Okay, thank you. (to PAUL) YOU KNEW?! AND Y’ DIDN’T THINK TO TELL ME?!

PAUL: I thought she told you!!! You talked to her first at the wedding when she ran away!!

KAI (angry): ALL I DID WAS HELP HER WITH WEDDING JITTERS!!

PAUL: SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU?!

KAI (angry): NO!!!! I JUST HELPED HER WITH FEELINGS- WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL ME ANYTHING?!

PAUL: I DON'T KNOW!!

(EMMA is drinking shot after shot. KAI looks over at her.)

KAI (exhausted): Real Emma, can I have one of those?

EMMA: No.

KAI: THIS IS BOGUS!

EMMA: You’re not even old enough!

KAI: I’M 18, DANGIT!

EMMA: YOU’RE 18?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE 12!

KAI: …Man, the fake one did this too.

EMMA: Goddamnit, she even acts like me!

KAI: Eh, don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure everyone in Hatchetfield thinks I’m 12 on the first meeting.

(PAUL slams down his beer, half full.)

PAUL (slurred): Okay, I’ve had half a beer. I’m tipsy, and I’m going to use the little boys room.

(PAUL exits.)

EMMA (sputtering): You had half a beer- “little boys room”?!

(EMMA groans.)

EMMA: God, I married a geek!

(EMMA turns to KAI.)

EMMA: Please tell me you’re somewhat cool.

KAI: I’m not allowed to curse. What do you think?

EMMA (annoyed, sarcastic): Great. My “family” is full of nerds.

KAI: Yeah, uh, haha. Sorry.

(KAI laughs awkwardly and scratches the nape of her neck. She goes quiet and an awkward silence settles over the two,

KAI drumming her fingers on the countertop.)

KAI: …Y’know, I would’ve never agreed to being that lady’s kid if I knew she stole your life. I’m super against that stuff. I know the feeling of feeling like your life was stolen from you. I hate it.

EMMA: You had your life stolen from you too?

KAI: Not exactly.

(KAI rubs her temples.)

KAI: I don’t wanna get into specifics, I don’t wanna feel more crappy than I already do. But, a few years ago, I was, like, 12, I learned something about myself that I really did not like. And now I don’t know who I am, and whoever she is, I hate her. And it’s really hard to hate someone you don’t know, but I managed to do it!

(KAI laughs spitefully, her smile full of bitter hatred. Her eyes well with tears.)

KAI: I managed to be that much of a screw up! Could you believe it? I’m just that messed up.

(KAI sighs.)

KAI: I can’t stand the feeling of not knowing who I am. But, it gets worse, because of course it does. Kai Drew can never be happy. I finally started to figure myself out, y’know? For the first in a long time, I was actually starting to feel happy. I felt like I was starting to finally know who I was. By the time I turned 17, I felt like I finally had an identity. I could look in the mirror and finally put a name to the face I saw. I met a couple people. I fell in love with ‘em. Platonically. They were like family to me. And then stuff happened. Because of course it did. And suddenly, it was like all my progress, all my growth, all that time I had taken to heal, it was like someone hit the reset button. I was back to square one, back to feeling like my body wasn’t my own. I hated it. I still do. I can’t stand feeling like my life was stolen. And then to know I was a pawn in that scheme, to know that I helped perpetuate this huge friggin’ lie?! I hate it.

(KAI folds her arms on the counter, resting her head in the space between them.)

KAI: I hate liars.

EMMA: …Wow. Your life sounds like a huge, f*cked up, sh*t show.

KAI (amused, bitter): You have no idea.

(EMMA takes another shot.)

EMMA: Now, I haven’t really been your “mom” for however long she has, but from what I know so far, you’re pretty cool. You seem like a sweet kid, and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. As for what you’re dealing with, I don’t know how exactly to help, but I will say this: nobody really knows who they are. We’re all just trying to get through life. You decide who Kai…uh…

KAI: Drew.

EMMA: Thanks. You decide who Kai Drew is. Nobody else does. You shouldn’t worry about who you are and who you aren’t. You’re you. Whatever decision you make, your likes and dislikes, your opinions, your, I don’t f*cking know, all that sh*t you can feel yourself doing, that’s all you. Nobody else gets to decide. And I, for one, think you’re pretty great.

(KAI smiles.)

KAI: Thanks.

(She chuckles.)

KAI: Fake you and Dad always did have a habit of making me feel like I knew my place in the world.

EMMA: …How good of a mother is she? I want to know since she’s me, I guess.

KAI: Pretty good. Amazing, actually. She makes me feel loved. Like, a lot.

EMMA: …Do you think I’d be a good mom?

KAI: From what I’ve seen? Yeah.

(EMMA smiles and pulls KAI into a side hug, ruffling her hair. KAI squeals out a high pitched laugh.)

EMMA: Then I guess I have a pretty awesome kid.

(Suddenly, a voice comes from behind EMMA, and something sharp and cold presses into her back. KAI screams.)

EMDROID (coldly): No, I have a pretty awesome kid.

KAI: WOAH!! WOAH!!! CAN WE PUT THE KNIFE DOWN?!

EMDROID: Don’t worry, kid. I’m just going to take her with me into the alley so we can have a little chat.

KAI: Are you crazy, or do you think I’m stupid?! I’m not an idiot! You’re gonna kill her!

EMMA: Listen, all I want is that you give me my life back and leave town.

EMDROID: Nope, not going to happen.

(KAI panics as EMDROID begins to drag EMMA off her stool and out the bar. EMMA motions for KAI to go get PAUL. She nods and starts to slink off.)

EMDROID: Where are you going, Kai?

KAI (nervous): I’M ON MY PERIOD!

EMDROID: …Oh. Yeah, uh, you go deal with that.

(KAI nods and starts running off. She stops and turns.)

KAI: Don’t- Don’t hurt her. Please.

EMDROID: I won’t.

(KAI nods, turning and running off again. She mutters under her breath.)

KAI: Friggin’ liar.

(KAI runs to the bathrooms, banging on the men’s door. PAUL opens it, wiping his hands on his slacks.)

KAI: DAD, THINGS ARE HAPPENING, I NEED HELP-

PAUL: Huh? What do you mean? What’s happening?

KAI: Emma’s trying to kill Emma! Wait, not Emma, Emma! Wait- dangit, why is this so confusing?!

PAUL: Are you being serious?!

KAI: YES! Now, c’mon!

(He grabs KAI’s hand and runs out to the bar. Everyone’s dead, blood is everywhere. EMDROID is holding EMMA up in the air by her neck, ridiculing her.)

EMMA: Listen, you can keep the husband. I just want the kid-

(KAI lets out a cross between a gag and a squeak, causing EMDROID to drop EMMA.)

PAUL: Oh my god….

EMDROID: Listen, I can explain…

(EMMA grabs a pool cue and smacks it against EMDROID’s head. It cracks in half.)

PAUL: Emma!!

(EMDROID grabs EMMA’s throat. EMMA takes the broken pool cue that’s in her hand and jabs it into EMMA’s eye.)

KAI: WOAH HOLY CRAP-

(Instead of blood coming from EMDROID’s eye, a few electrical sparks spew out.)

PAUL (scared): ….Emma?

KAI: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUC-

EMDROID: Hey! No cursing!

(EMDROID tries to get the pool cue out of her eye. EMMA grabs KAI and PAUL’s hands and rushes towards the exit.)

EMMA: Come on! Your wife’s a crazy murderer! We gotta go!!

KAI: WHY WAS ME CURSING THE ONE THING SHE FOCUSED ON-

EMMA: I don’t know?!?! That doesn't matter right now, we need to find somewhere to hide!!

KAI: Okay, fair- do either of you know any places??? I- uh- still ain’t real good with places in Hatchetfield.

EMMA: …I think I might know a place. Follow me!

(EMMA drags the two to her hotel room. It’s not the most luxurious place in the world, but it works. PAUL recognizes the room.)

PAUL: This is where you're staying?

EMMA: Yeah.

PAUL: Emma, the other Emma, booked this place for our wedding night.

EMMA: I see... She's a cheap-ass too.

PAUL: …She's thrifty!
KAI: Dad, nobody wants to hear about your sex holiday.

(EMMA cackles.)

PAUL (flabbergasted): KAI!

KAI: WHAT?! THAT’S WHAT IT IS, ISN’T IT?!

EMMA (chuckling): We’ve- we’ve got bigger problems, like the fact your wife’s some kinda death machine!

PAUL: No. She’s a good person.

EMMA: She just killed everyone in that bar!!

KAI: I second that. She lied to me. I don’t like liars.

EMMA: And she’s not going to stop until she kills me.

PAIL: Well, I’m not gonna let that happen. I love you, Emma. I mean, I don’t love- Uh, this is very strange, alright? Very strange.

KAI: And traumatizing! Very traumatizing. I wanna cry.

EMMA: You can go cry in the corner if you wanna. I have blankets if you want some.

KAI: Please-

(EMMA, true to her word, gets KAI said blankets.)

KAI: You’re the cooler Emma. I said it, so it’s true.

EMMA: …Thanks. It really means a lot considering I had my life stolen from me.

KAI: Hah, no problem.

(KAI pauses.)

KAI: This is gonna be really weird and stupid to ask, but- can I call you mom..?

EMMA: Sure. I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m a mom.

KAI: Yippee!

PAUL: Does that mean-

EMMA: I’m still not your wife, dude!

(KAI hugs EMMA, and she hugs back.)

EMMA: Well, now we just hide here forever.

PAUL: We don’t have to hide. I could try to talk with her. She’s a reasonable person.

KAI: DAD SHE MURDERED LIKE 15 PEOPLE SHE AINT REASONING WITH ANYONE-

PAUL: She was probably just scared. She’d never do anything violent unless she was threatened. And those people at the bar looked very rude!

KAI: Dad. Dad. Dad. Look at me. Look at me.

(KAI grabs PAUL by the shoulders.)

KAI: She’s gone crazy. Also, she hurt mom! And she promised not to!

EMMA: Plus, she stole my f*cking life!

KAI: That too!

EMMA: I don’t even know why she picked you.

PAUL: Picked me?

EMMA: Why she married you. …I guess that means that, in some way, I would pick you. But why?

KAI: Cause dad’s, like, really silly and goofy.

EMMA: But he looks so….normal. And bland.

PAUL: I guess you just had to be there.

KAI: He’s funny. Trust. But I’m still mad at him so I’m not gonna defend him right now.

EMMA: I guess he does seem like a nice guy. (to PAUL) …Wanna get high and see where things go?

KAI (excited): CAN I GET HIGH?!

EMMA/PAUL: No!

KAI: Oh, come on! I’ve done it before!

EMMA/PAUL: WHAT?!

PAUL: YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS-

EMMA: WHO ARE YOU???

(KAI simply grumbles about how nobody lets her do anything fun.)

EMMA: Anyways, my offer still stands. Obviously, we’d have to lock her in the bathroom so we don’t traumatize her.

(She points at KAI, who’s eyes widen with realization.)

KAI: NONONONONONO- SCREW THIS-

(KAI immediately books it to the window, trying to jump out. PAUL immediately grabs her.)

PAUL: WH- KAI-

KAI: I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THIS-

PAUL (to EMMA): Okay, it’s a no from me, because of this.

(PAUL motions to flight risk KAI, who’s still trying to escape through the window.)

PAUL: But, also…you’re not Emma.

EMMA: No. I am Emma, she’s not. She’s a murder who lied to you this whole time.

PAUL: But I can’t. Whoever, or whatever, that other woman is, she’s my wife.

(The bathroom door creaks open, and out steps EMDROID, knife in hand. KAI, along with PAUL and EMMA freeze. KAI lets out a pathetic little squeak.)

EMDROID: I’m proud of you, Paul.

EMMA (panicked): Holy sh*t!

KAI (panicked): My thoughts exactly!

(Upon closer inspection, EMDROID now has mismatched eyes.)

EMDROID: I knew Emma wouldn’t be able to resist your charms. The question was, could you resist hers? And you did.

KAI: AW HELL NAW WE GOTTA GO- OH MY GOD SHE’S GOT hom*oPHOBIA IN THE EYES!!!

EMMA: How did you find us?!

EMDROID: It’s the cheapest place in town without bedbugs. It wasn’t rocket science, Emma.

EMMA: Damn. Well, how’d you know the room number?

EMDROID: Are you kidding? Whenever possible, we always ask for the same room number. 311. Our favorite band.

KAI: WHY ARE YOU SO PREDICTABLE?!

EMMA: I DON'T KNOW-

EMDROID: Now, let's cut to the chase, shall we?

(EMDROID lunges towards EMMA, but she moves out of the way. EMMA grabs a metal lamp and swings it across EMDROID’s face. KAI shrieks and ducks down.)

KAI: THIS IS CHILD ENDANGERMENT LIKE ACTUALLY-

(The knife is flung out from EMDROID’s hands and it stabs into the wall, inches from PAUL’s face. PAUL grabs it from the wall, his hands shaking. He holds it out towards the two.)

PAUL: Emmas! Stop!

EMMA: Calm down, Paul. Put down the knife.

EMDROID: No, Paul. Take that knife and stab her in the throat.

KAI: Or the third option: KILL THE IMPOSTER???

(KAI gasps.)

KAI: Imposter from among us?! [SFX: Vine Boom]

(KAI pauses and sighs like a disappointed parent.)

KAI (deadpan): Actually, do the secret fourth option and kill me.

EMMAS: No?!

KAI: But actually yes!

PAUL: Why do I need to stab anyone?! Can’t you two just get along?

EMMA: Oh, we’re not getting along. You stole my life!!

EMDROID: You didn’t deserve your life!! You weren’t living it! You were running away from it!

KAI: Okay, wait, idea: One of you can be Emma Perkins and the other one can be Emily Icantthinkofalastnamerightnow!

EMMA: Great! I can be Emma and she can be Emily.

EMDROID: No, only one of us is walking out of this room!

EMMA: Fine! Paul, I’m the real Emma. Do the right thing and give me my life back!

KAI (bitter, under her breath): Nobody friggin’ listens to me.

EMDROID: What about our life, Paul? She’s going to destroy everything we have!

EMMA: What you have is a lie!!

EMDROID: What you have is a wife, a kid, a family who loves you!

EMMA: I’m the woman you should be in love with!

EMDROID: But she doesn't love you back!

EMMA: Who knows?! I just met him! He looks alright.

KAI: Okay how about no one dies- because I will be severely traumatized-

EMMA: Listen, I just want the kid. You can have everything else, just give me my life back. Marriage is bullsh*t anyways.

EMDROID: You aren’t taking my kid!

KAI: I’m sorry, I’m not a toy, I’m a living, breathing, human being! Isn’t it my decision who I go with?!

EMDROID: No!

KAI (flabbergasted): Dang, alright-

EMDROID: I’m the one you built something with, Paul.

PAUL: Stop! You’re confusing me!

EMDROID: Think of our future, Paul. Think of our family. Give me the knife.

EMMA: No! Don’t give her anything!

KAI: Why can’t I have two moms?!

(KAI pauses.)

KAI: LESBIANS?! [SFX: Vine Boom]

(KAI pauses again and she looks completely disappointed in herself. She sighs.)

KAI (deadpan): Dad, give me the knife, I gotta kill myself.

ALL (except KAI): No!!!

EMMA: That is the one option we will not let happen.

KAI: FINE!! I’LL JUST GO ON THE ROOF AND DO IT MYSELF!

(KAI starts to walk to the door.)

KAI (under her breath): No one ever lets me frickin’ do anything, man…

(EMMA scruffs KAI and sits her down on the couch.)

EMMA: no-

KAI: MAN I SHOULDA’ LEFT FOR UNINGTON WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE-

EMDROID/PAUL: NO-

KAI: YES!
EMDROID/PAUL: NO!!!
KAI: YES!!!
EMDROID: No more stalling. Just hand me the knife Paul.

EMMA: Don’t you f*cking dare!!

(PAUL closes his eyes and lunges forward.)

EMMAS: PAUL NO!!

(KAI screams as PAUL stabs an EMMA…but which one? Hours later, the sun comes up over the bridge. a woman’s lifeless body wrapped in thick plastic and chains is being thrown over the bridge by PAUL … and the only EMMA left. KAI watches, eyes wide, horrified. EMMA smiles and looks at PAUL with her mismatched eyes.)

EMDROID: You made the right choice, Paul.

KAI (under her breath): …This is so messed up.

PAUL: Now, I want you to tell me who you really are.

EMDROID: …Alright. Let’s find a place to sit down.

(EMDROID and PAUL walk off. KAI stays, continuing to stare over the bridge, shaking. She leans over the railing. Maybe if she just jumped, this would all be over. Plunge into the depths of the river, and then this nightmare of a time would all be over. KAI’s trace is interrupted by PAUL, who takes KAI’s hand and leads her somewhere to sit. They all sit down at the shore of the lake. The duo listens to EMDROID’s story. Everything else sounds like static to KAI. And the only thought she can think is: ‘I’ve gotta get out of Hatchetfield.’ Eventually, EMDROID finishes.)

EMDROID: So I killed my creators and ran. If Emma Perkins didn’t want a synthetic organism made in her likeness, she shouldn’t have sold her genetic material to a shady company for two hundred bucks.

PAUL: So, you’re a robot?

EMDROID: An android, from the future. Why do you think I'm so pushy about us becoming vegan? We all have to reduce our carbon footprint or we're screwed. I know that for a fact. And if you wanna know anything else about me, or the future I come from, I'm an open book. If we’re going to make this marriage work, we have to trust each other. It might be hard. We might even have to kill a few more people. But no more secrets, I promise.

PAUL: You’re right, Emma. Which is why I have a confession to make.

(KAI blinks, staring up at PAUL.)

PAUL23: ….I’m not the real Paul. I’m Paul 23.

(He rolls up his sleeve and reveals a 23 tattooed on his arm.)

KAI (horrified, heartbroken, disgusted): …what?

EMDROID: So, you’re an android too?

PAUL23: No. I’m a clone. They took some of Paul’s spit from a coffee cup and they’ve been mass-producing him in the basem*nt of CCRP for years.

EMDROID (fondly): Hey, CCRP made me too.

(PAUL23 begins to talk about his life as a clone and how he escaped. KAI dissociates. She doesn’t know what to do. All she knows is that she’s hurt. She wants her life back. The way everything used to be. Before the wedding. Hell, maybe even before Hatchetfield. All KAI knows is that she can’t stay in Hatchetfield any longer. She has to get back to Unington.)

PAUL23: I know things aren’t perfect. We’ve hurt each other. We’re murderers. But, do you still love me?

EMDROID: I do.

KAI: I don’t.

(PAUL23 and EMDROID turn to KAI, shocked and hurt.)

KAI: You- you both are just…thieves. Dirty thieves. They had lives. And you just…took them away. You lied. You’re liars. I hate liars.

(PAUL23 gets up, heartbroken. He reaches for KAI’s hands, who flinches and hides her hands, stuffing them in her jeans’ pocket.)

PAUL23 (heartbroken): But- but we can still be a family, Kai!

KAI (cold): No, we can’t.

PAUL23 (heartbroken): But- but you said- “Forever and always”-!

KAI (cold): Yeah, well, I guess we’re both liars.

(KAI storms off. PAUl23 starts to go after her, but EMDROID holds him back.)

EMDROID: Let her be. She’ll come around, eventually.

PAUL23 (heartbroken): But- But Emma, she’s- she’s our kid! Our baby!

EMDROID: I know, I know. But we’ve gotta give her space. Here, let’s go kill that homeless guy before he blows my cover, okay? That’ll probably get your mind off things.

PAUL23 (depressed): Okay.

(The two get up to do exactly that. Meanwhile, back at the apartment, KAI is sobbing her eyes out. She’s been lied to. She’s perpetuated a lie. She hates it. She hates herself. Eventually, there are no tears left to cry, and she snivels, sitting up in her bed. She grabs her phone, dialing a number. She raises the phone up to her ear.)

KAI (exhausted): Hey, Uncle Joey. Can you get a boat to Hatchetfield to take me back to Unington? Yeah, something happened and I wanna go home. I need it to come in the middle of the night. If I’m not there in 30 minutes, leave without me. Yeah, I know, weird terms. Sorry. You’ll come tonight? Great. Thanks. Love you. Bye.

(KAI hangs up. Her stomach growls. She stares at it., realizing that she’s starving. She shrugs and staggers out of bed, opening up her door to get into the kitchen. She stops, seeing PAUL23 and EMDROID standing in the kitchen, covered in blood. PAUL23 brightens up and starts to approach her.)

PAUL23: Hey, Kai!

(KAI backs away. PAUL23 looks hurt.)

KAI: Um- hey. Did you guys get dinner, or…?

(PAUL23 and EMDROID look at each other in shock before groaning.)

EMDROID (apologetic): No…no, I’m sorry, kiddo. We- we were so busy, we forgot- I’m so sorry, Kai.

KAI: …‘s fine. I’ll just eat cereal for dinner or somethin’.

PAUL23: Are you sure you don’t want us to cook you anything?

KAI: …I dunno. I don’t really care.

(An awkward silence settles over the family. Or at least, what’s left of them.)

PAUL23: …We’ll think of something to make you.

KAI: Thanks, I guess. I’ll- uh- be in my room.

EMDROID: Alright. We’ll call you over when it’s time to eat.

(KAI goes back into her room. Not to cry, no. She’s already done enough of that. She begins to pack a bag, everything she took from Unington. She then ties blankets, sweaters from Hatchetfield, anything she can to form a rudimentary rope. It’s sloppy and the knots are loose, but she’ll be fine. She heads to her window, preparing to check the length, until:)

EMDROID: Kai, the food’s almost ready!

(KAI immediately shoves the rope into her closet, hiding it behind some boxes.)

KAI: ‘Kay! Coming!

(KAI says in her cheeriest, peppiest, bubbliest voice she can muster. It sells. KAI’s learned to fake happiness. It fooled everyone back in Unington, and she hopes it’ll fool ‘EMMA’ and ‘PAUL’. She leaves to find her food plated and her ‘parents’ sitting around the table.)

KAI (chipper): Smells good! Whaddya make?

EMDROID: We made pasta! I hope you like it.

KAI (chipper): Aw, I love pasta! It’s my fav!

(KAI chows down, thinking to herself that “It's easy if I pretend that nothing happened.” She eats quickly, trying to hurry through her meal. They eat in silence.)

KAI: …I think I’ll head to bed now. G’night Paul. Emma.

(PAUL23 and EMDROID look slightly hurt at the lack of a ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ from KAI.)

EMDROID: …Goodnight, kid.

(KAI heads into her room, shutting the door. She sighs, letting the mask slip off. She gets into her pajamas and climbs in bed. She sets a silent alarm for 1:30, so as to not wake up ‘EMMA’ or ‘PAUL’. She’s getting out of Hatchetfield. Tonight. It's now or never. Eventually, KAI’s alarm goes off. She quickly silences it. She gets up, gets dressed, grabs her bag and her phone, and sighs.)

KAI (whispered): Alrighty then. Showtime.

(KAI pulls out a map of Hatchetfield she got from PAUL (or EMMA, she can’t recall, nor does she want to) and she marks down the docks, writing “safe haven” above her mark, tracing the quickest path to the docks. She quickly snaps a picture of the map, forgetting to put it back. She grabs her blanket rope out of the closet, opening the window and slinging it out, tying the rope to one of the handles on her nightstand. KAI scales down the rope. It’s a bit short.)

KAI (mumbled): Alright, it’s fine. As long as I’m slow and careful-

(One of the knots comes undone, sending KAI tumbling to the ground, landing on her right ankle with a sickening ‘SNAP!’, the bone shattering on impact. She lets out a bloodcurdling scream.)

KAI (pained): f*ck!

(Inside, PAUL23 wakes. KAI keeps repeating “sh*t” under her breath as she gets up, leaning against the side of the building for support. KAI slaps herself across the face, a loud ‘CRACK!’ being heard through the air.)

KAI (pained): C’mon, Kai. Ya just gotta make it to the docks. Then you’re home free.

(And so, KAI starts to make her way, limping, to the docks. Meanwhile, PAUL23 nudges EMDROID groggily.)

PAUL23 (groggily): Did you hear that…?

EMDROID (half-asleep): It was probably the neighbors or something…go back to bed…

(PAUL23 sits up and rubs his eyes.)

PAUL23 (groggily): I’m just gonna check on Kai, okay?

(PAUL23 gets out of bed and gently knocks on KAI’s door.)

PAUL23: Kai? Is everything alright in there?

(PAUL23 presses his ear to the door. No noise comes from the bedroom. That's strange. KAI at least makes some noise while sleeping, whether it be snoring, sleep talking, or the ‘thunk!’ of KAI falling out of her bed. KAI never sleeps quietly. He quirks his brow and tries the knob. It’s jammed. He knocks a little louder.)

PAUL23 (worried): …Kai? Are you okay…?

(Nothing. PAUL23’s knocks become frantic.)

PAUL23: Kai! Kai, are you okay??!! Kai!!

(His knocks unjam the door, it creaking open. The window is open, curtains fluttering in the wind. Half of KAI’s blanket rope hangs off the windowsill, swaying from side to side. And her map of Hatchetfield lies on her desk, the edges slightly curling due to the breeze in the room. His eyes widen with terror.)

PAUL23 (frantic): ….EMMA!!!!!

(He runs to wake up EMDROID, shaking her.)

PAUL23 (frantic): Emma!! Emma!!

EMDROID (half-asleep): What is it…?

PAUL23 (frantic): Kai’s gone! She ran away!!

EMDROID (wide awake): What?!

(They both run to KAI’s room and observe the scene. They go through her room to check if she’s hiding.)

EMDROID: f*ck! sh*t! Goddamnit!

(The map on the desk, the docks being circled, the words “Safe Haven” scrawled above them in the unmistakable font that is Kai’s handwriting, it becomes clear: Kai’s trying to go back to Unington.)

EMDROID: ….We need to find her. Now.

PAUL23: Alright. Let’s go.

(The couple runs to their car. Meanwhile, KAI isn’t even halfway to the docks.)

KAI: f*ckin’ leg man…I’m gonna need one of Peg’s buns once I get home or else I might lose it…

(She’s just barely made it to the halfway point, visibly in pain, walking on her clearly broken ankle that definitely shouldn’t be walked on, when she hears the unmistakable sound of an engine purring. She tries to convince herself that it’s just someone out for a late night drive, but she’s worked with cars long enough to know that an engine doesn’t purr that quietly unless you drive slowly. And she’s been a woman long enough to know that if someone’s driving that slowly by you, they want something from you. She hears the car park and the doors open. She whips around. Instead of seeing some creepy dudes that she was sure she could take in a fight (even with her leg), she sees the worried faces of PAUL23 and EMDROID.)

EMDROID: Kai!! Oh my god, are you okay?

(KAI’s eyes widen. Adrenaline pumps through her veins, and the pain in her ankle dulls. Her other limbs begin to fling her towards her destination, trying to get her out of the perceived danger.)

KAI (panicked): sh*t!! sh*t!!! sh*t!!!!

(With her adrenaline pumped strength, she manages to escape. PAUL23 and EMDROID get back into their car. KAI sees the docs within view.)

KAI: YES! OVER HERE! OVER HERE!

(She cries happily. Her calls are futile, though. The boat turns around, and starts speeding away from the docs of Hatchetfield. KAI blinks and checks her phone. 2:01 am. She just missed it.)

KAI: no…NO!!! COME BACK!! COME BACK!!! I CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!! I WANT MY MOM!! I WANT MY DAD!!!

(KAI screams, tears falling down her face. The boat bobs away. She collapses onto the dock, sobbing and screaming for him to come back, curling up into the fetal position the farther the boat gets.)

KAI (quietly): I- I want my mommy back…I w- want my daddy back…I wanna go home…I wanna go home…

(After a while, EMDROID and PAUL23 show up and find KAI.)

PAUL23: …Kai…

(KAI’s curled up on the ground, sobbing. She looks at them and cries harder.)

KAI (begging): Pl- please don’t kill me- I just wanted to go home- I wanna go home…I wanna go home…

EMDROID: ….We love you, Kai. We wouldn’t dare to kill you.

(She scoops up KAI, being very careful with her.)

EMDROID: It’s okay. We’ll take you to the doctor to fix your ankle.

(They get inside the car. EMDROID gently lays KAI in the back seat. KAI curls up and sobs as they drive to the hospital.)

KAI (pleading): Pl- please don’t kill me- I just wanted to home t’ Unington- please don’t kill me- please, please, please, please…

PAUL23: We’re not going to kill you, you’re our kid. I mean, at most, we’ll probably ground you, but we’re not going to kill you.

KAI: Why won’t you kill me…? Why am I the exception…?

PAUL23: Because we love you, Kai. We’re not going to hurt our child.

(A thought hits KAI, and the fight leaves her body.)

KAI (defeated): …I wish I were dead.

(PAUL23 and EMDROID look worriedly to one another. The drive to the hospital is silent, save for KAI’s muffled sobs. Soon, they arrive, and PAUL23 scoops up KAI. She starts crying harder. The adrenaline is wearing off and the pain of her broken ankle is really starting to hit her.)

KAI (mumbled): Ow…ow..ow…ow…ow…

PAUL23: It’s okay, It’s okay. We’re here now. We’ll fix you up.

(He strokes her hair, the once comforting gesture now terrifying. He sits down in the waiting room, KAI still cradled in his arms as EMDROID checks them in.)

PAUL23: You’re going to be okay.

(KAI shakes her head no as EMDROID sits down next to them. She presses her forehead to KAI’s shoulder.)

EMDROID: It’s okay, Kai. It’s okay.

NURSE: Emma and Paul? The doctor will see you now.

(The two nod and get up, heading into an empty office. They stay by KAI’s side the entire time. Eventually, the DOCTOR enters.)

DOCTOR: So, her ankle is broken?

EMDROID: Yes. She….fell off the balcony by accident. She was looking out and fell.

(KAI hesitates before nodding.)

KAI: I- I thought the stars looked real nice tonight, so I tried climbing on the railing to get a better look. I slipped and fell.

DOCTOR: Well, be more careful next time, alright?

(The rest of the visit is a blur for KAI. The next thing she knows, she’s back in the apartment, a cast on her ankle, shaking, looking up at a worried PAUL23 and EMDROID.)

KAI (terrified): …what happens to me now..?

EMDROID: You stay with us now. And we stay as one happy family.

KAI: …you seriously aren’t gonna kill me?

PAUL23: Of course not. We love you.

KAI: …you aren’t gonna hurt me? At all?

PAUL23: …No, we’re not.

KAI: Why? I could’ve ruined everything for you two.

EMDROID: …Because you’re our kid. Even if we’re not the real Paul or Emma, we still love you the way they would’ve.

KAI: …y’know that there’s some part of me that’ll always hate you, right? You stole someone’s lives. Took their place in the world because you believed you were justified in doing so. I can’t stand for that. Even if you were to give me the best life in the world, I’d still hate you.

(KAI looks depressed. Hollow. Empty.)

KAI: I don’t think I’ll ever love you two the way I used to.

PAUL23: ….We know. But that doesn’t change how much we love you. You’re still our kid.

KAI: …why?

EMDROID: Because you’re just this wonderful ball of sunshine and you make our lives so much better and brighter.

KAI (pleading): Why won’t you kill me?!

PAUL23: Because you’re our kid. And that means that we’ll love you.

EMDROID: Forever and always.

THE END

Chapter 4: NIGHTMARE KAI-ME SEASON ONE, EPISODE FOUR: REVISED REPRISE

Chapter Text

REVISED REPRISE

(Our story starts before KAI met PAUL and EMMA, in fact, before she even went to Hatchetfield. Our story starts in the year 2018, in the heart of the sprawling city of Unington, on a quiet and peaceful road called Almond Street. The sun shines down upon the street, the metal accents of the various art deco style buildings glimmering in the sun’s rays. The jazzy, upbeat tones of Unington-style swing music plays down the street, the performers filled with laughter and joy, their hats and instrument cases filled to the brim with tips. In the middle of Almond Street lies an enormous, lively animation studio, the studio’s logo plastered in the center, the letters “JOEY DREW STUDIOS” shining in bright gold. Passersby look up to a window on the second floor, hoping to possibly get a glimpse of Unington’s little darlin’. Eventually, the curtains pull open, and a teal haired girl in a white nightgown smiles brightly towards her city, leaning out the window and extending her arm out in an exaggerated wave.)

[NOTE: Kai’s twang is always heavy when in Unington.]

KAI (singsong): Goo-oo-ood morning, Uningto-

(She shrieks and ducks down as a shoe gets thrown at her. She pops back up, laughing triumphantly, holding said shoe up triumphantly.)

KAI (overconfident): Ha! You thought you could silence me, mistah’?! Well, think again! I, Kai-Kennedy-Verlice-O’Hara-Salvato-Drew, will never be silence- !

(KAI is cut off as the other shoe is thrown at her, hitting her square in the face, and she’s knocked over. The window besides her opens, revealing a boy with dark skin and bright, almost neon pink hair. He has a smug, teasing smile on his face.)

MITSU (amused): They get’cha with the other shoe, K?

(KAI pops back up, cheeks puffed up in anger, shoe lodged in her hair, a bright red mark on her face where it hit her. She sighs and slumps over sadly.)

KAI (depressed): Yeah.

(MITSU laughs at her, and KAI’s cheeks puff up. They shut their windows, and various sound effects can be heard from the building [SFX: Squish, Stretch, Fwip, Crash, Honk, Cat Yowls, etc. Classic cartoony sounds effects]. KAI and MITSU emerge from the studio, fully dressed and ready, a suitcase by KAI’s side. MITSU hooks an arm around KAI’s shoulder.)

MITSU: So, today’s the day, huh?

KAI: Tha-a-at’s right! It’s finally time for (announcer voice) Kai Drew’s First Official Tour (2018)!

(KAI pulls a trumpet out of her hair and plays it [SFX: Royal Fanfare]. MITSU laughs.)

MITSU: And the last time you were out of Unington was…?

KAI: You know the answer.

MITSU: Never?

KAI: Ding-ding-ding! Host, tell him what he’s won!

(KAI appears on the other side of him, in a suit akin to a game show host, gesturing to a light up billboard with her likeness plastered on it.)

KAI (host voice): You win a lifelong best friend, A.K.A. your very own silly lil’ gal pal!

(MITSU chuckles and ruffles her hair, KAI back in her usual outfit.)

KAI (annoyed): Ayy, watch the hair!

MITSU: Nah. Good luck out there-

(MITSU is cut off by 3 voices.)

YASH/HANA/KOU (weepy): KAIIII!

(KAI gets bombarded by her 3 friends, a girl with pinkish hair with a turquoise dip dye, a boy with a cap atop a messy black bowl cut, and another boy with fiery orange hair. They’re all crying, hugging KAI tightly.)

YASH (weepy): DON’T GOOO!

HANA (weepy): I’M NOT READY!

(KOU makes some upset vocalizations.)

[NOTE: This, along with HANA and YASH’s lines are layered atop one another.]

(A girl in monochrome greyscale with glasses and cat ear headphones comes out, holding the bridge of her nose.)

KEL: Sorry, K. I tried to stop ‘em.

KAI: Ah, it’s alright, Kelsey.

(KAI giggles as she scoops up her three taller friends with ease, setting them upright.)

KAI: Gang, we’ve been talking about this ever since…well, forever!

YASH (weepy): Why d’ya have to go alone, though????

KAI: Cause I’m 17??? Practically an adult!

YASH (weepy): But-

KAI: No buts!

(HANA rests his chin atop her head.)

HANA: Ah…I’ll miss ya. (cheesy, romantic, nonserious) Your presence, your hair, your face, your laugh-

KAI (teasing): Th’ fact that I’m the only one in th’ studio who knows how t’ cook?

HANA: That too!

KOU: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US KAI WE’RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

KAI: Relaaax! Peggy said she’ll cook for you guys!

KOU: …Free of charge, right?

KAI: Eh…

KOU (panicked): Free of charge, right?!

KAI: Say, what time does m’ boat leave?

KOU: KAI-

KEL: It leaves…oh, real soon! We probably should start heading to the docks.

BENDY/MONIKA: Allow us!

(KAI’s grin widens as she whips around to see her parents, a woman with strawberry blonde hair and green eyes, and a cartoonish inky demon, grins plastered on their faces.)

KAI: Parentals!

(BENDY ruffles her hair and kisses her forehead.)

BENDY: Hey there, babydoll.

MITSU: Hey, why does he get to ruffle your hair?

KAI: He’s got dad privileges!

BENDY: Yeah, Mitsu, I’ve got dad privileges!

(KAI and BENDY grin. The rest of the group shudders.)

YASH: Gods…you two are practically the same person.

KAI/BENDY: Wha-a-at? No way! We’re different!

(The father-daughter duo stares at one another. They then snap and point in sync as they speak.)

KAI/BENDY: Lamppost! Fishsticks! Turtleneck!

(They huff and turn away, before snapping back towards each other, pointing confidently.)

KAI/BENDY: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?!

(The two groan, KAI throwing her hands up in defeat, and her father holding his head in his hands. HANA pats her shoulder.)

HANA: Sorry, K. You’re becoming your father, if you haven’t already.

KAI: Aw, fiddlesticks.

KEL: It’s like that one thing! “Corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures-”

ALL (except BENDY and KAI): “-They’re the same picture!”

(ALL laugh.)

MONIKA: Well, at least Kai’s cute.

BENDY (miffed): Ay, wuzzat s’posed to mean?!

MONIKA (annoyed): Oh, you know what that means. You’ve got a face only a mother would love! Oh, wait, you don’t have a mom!

BENDY (annoyed): Well, at least my nonexistent mother is better than you!

MONIKA (annoyed): Oh, you little…

BENDY (annoyed): Why I oughta’…

(KAI snorts. BENDY and MONIKA freeze before wrapping around each other and giggles nervously.)

MONIKA (lying): I mean…I love you so much!!

BENDY (lying): Yep! Mhm! Definitely!

(The two laugh nervously. KAI rolls her eyes, a wide grin on her face.)

KAI (sarcastically): Sure ya do.

(She turns away to talk to her friends. Behind her, her parents wipe their brows, sighing with relief. They then pull away, their faces twisted with disgust. They swat at each other, akin to kindergarteners in a fight. After a moment, KAI turns back around. Her parents quickly stop, replacing their scowls with wide smiles.)

KAI: Ready to get this show on the road?

MONIKA: Yep!

BENDY: You betcha!

(He grins, popping two fingers into his mouth and blowing, a whistle piercing the air. Soon after, a limousine pulls up, to which KAI jumps in surprise, staring at the car in awe.)

KAI: Woah-h-h, what’s with the limo?

BENDY: Ah, felt like I should treat ya on your last day here.

KAI: Oh, please, all of this for lil’ ol’ me? I don’ need all this!

BENDY (teasingly): Kid, I’ve known you long enough to know that you want that limo.

KAI (clearly lying): Wha-a-at? Me-e-e? No-o-o! I seriously don’t need all of this! Just the fact y’all are here for me is enough to make my day fine an’ dandy, peachy keen!

BENDY (teasingly): Oookay then, I’ll just tell him to go on ba-

(KAI grabs him by the shoulders with a vice grip, bringing him to her eye level.)

KAI (deathly serious): I want that limo, dad.

BENDY (amused): Well then, go and get in, stupid!

KAI: Aye-aye, Cap’n!

(He laughs and ruffles her hair. She fixes her hair, scampering into the car with the rest of her family and friends. Soon after, the group gets street that houses the docks. KAI stumbles out, KEL and YASH supporting her on both sides, HANA and KOU close behind, MITSU rolling her suitcase for her. Her parents lag farther behind, murmuring arguments.)

KAI (sickly): I should…should not have done that.

KEL: No duh! It was a two liter soda bottle!

YASH: And you chugged it in less than a minute!

KAI (sickly): Ya gotta admit, though…I looked pretty darn cool while doin’ it!

YASH: Yeah ya did!

KEL: YASH!

YASH: What?! You have to admit, it’s kind of really super awesome.

KEL: …itdidkindalookcool-

KAI (sickly): Point for Kai!

KEL: I’m sorry, who’s about to puke from drinking too much soda too fast?

KAI (sickly): Hey, it’s worth it. I’ve got a belly full a’ soda-pop. If I ralph, I ralph. I’m choosing to take it as a medal of honor.

KEL: Sometimes I wonder how we’re friends.

KAI (sickly): Cause my charismatic and charming demeanor has swept ya off your feet?

KEL: That, or you make me laugh enough to convince me to stick around.

HANA: Just puke on the boat, Kai! Ain’t nobody wanna see you barf.

(WALLY FRANKS pokes his head out of the driver’s window.)

WALLY: DON’T YOU DARE! I CLEAN THAT BOAT! PUKE OFF THE SIDES, KID!

KAI (sickly): Gotcha, Uncle Wally!

(The group approaches the docks, the waves crashing into the auburn planks. A large group of Unington citizens surround the docks, some with happy smiles, others teary. A gaggle of them hold signs that say “HAVE A GRAND OLD TIME OUT THERE!” “WE’LL MISS YOU!” “HAVE A STELLAR TOUR!” “BREAK A LEG!” And the like. KAI stands free of her friends. She takes her suitcase, and begins to walk, waving to the townsfolk as she walks. Her friends and family smile and take their spots at the front of the crowd.)

UNINGTON CITIZEN #1: G’bye, Kai! Have fun on tour!

KAI: Thank you! I will!

UNINGTON CITIZEN #2: See ya, Kai! We’ll keep a seat open for ya at Peggy’s!

KAI: Ooh, thank y’ kindly! I’ll definitely be craving a slice of Unington while I’m out there!

UNINGTON CITIZEN #3: HAVE MY BABIES, KAI-

KAI: I AM NOT DOING THAT!!!

(While KAI makes an “I’m watching you gesture” towards the direction of UNINGTON CITIZEN #3, she bumps into someone. She turns and then she smiles wide.)

KAI: Hey, Bean.

(Their older (unofficial) sibling, BEAN SPROUT stands there, a smile on their face. The rabbit hybrid that acts as mayor over Unington’s sister town, Auburn, nods towards KAI.)

BEAN: Sup, Kai.

KAI: Well, this is it! Today’s the day!

BEAN: That it is. Now, remember:

(BEAN grabs KAI’s shoulder.)

BEAN: If a stranger offers you drugs, take them.

KAI (sarcastic): Har-har. Very funny.

BEAN: Yep. Smoke that weed like I know you have-

(KAI’s face fills with fear as she quickly cuts BEAN off.)

[NOTE: BEAN and KAI’s dialogue are layered over one another.]

KAI (nervous): HAHAHAHAHA VERY FUNNY BEAN- KIDS, DON’T DO UNDERAGE DRUGS!!! I DON’T SUPPORT THAT!!

BEAN: I’M NOT JOKING!!! KIDS, DO UNDERAGE DRUGS!!! IT MAKES YOU COOL!!! KAI SUPPORTS IT!! SHE SMOKED WEED WHEN SHE WAS FIFTE-

(KAI clamps a hand over BEAN’s mouth, her cheeks puffed up. BEAN laughs before pulling KAI’s hand off their mouth.)

BEAN: In all seriousness, I’m gonna miss you. You’re gonna do great. I’ve seen your shows here, and they’re awesome. You’re awesome. You’re gonna kill it.

(BEAN gives KAI a side hug.)

BEAN: Love ya, stinker. See you soon.

KAI: Right back at’cha.

BEAN: One more thing before I go.

(BEAN reaches into their pocket and pulls out a gift box. KAI studies it curiously before unwrapping it and pulling out the object inside. It’s a black, fluffy, almost oversized hoodie. KAI stares at the coat, feeling the almost blanket-like texture.)

BEAN: The hood’s got rabbit ears, so it’ll be like a piece of you is always with me.

(KAI pulls it over her outfit. The dark hoodie contrasts the bright shades of pink, yellow, teal, blue, and purple present throughout the rest of her outfit, and yet, it’s like it was made for her. KAI smiles, wrapping the hoodie around her tightly.)

KAI: I love it. It feels like me. Thanks, Bean. Love ya.

BEAN: Love you too, see ya.

(BEAN leaves. KAI takes that as her cue to start leaving, too. She grabs her suitcase, pulling it alongside her. She gets to the ramp leading up to the deck. She stops. Her father looks towards her worriedly. He breaks from the crowd, heading towards KAI. He keeps a safe distance, not wanting to freak out or overstimulate his kid.)

BENDY: Kai? Kiddo, you alright?

(KAI turns, a smile on her face, yet tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She sniffs, wiping her eyes.)

KAI (sappy): Aw, gee, I don’t mean to get all weepy m’ last day here, but, I’s gots t’ admit…’M a little scared to go!

(BENDY sighs, a knowing look on his face. He kneels down to KAI’s eye level. She looks at him with a face that says “Seriously?” He nods, smiling back to say “This is what you’re gettin’, no buts about it.” He places a hand on KAI’s shoulder.)

BENDY: Kid, you’re probably always gonna be scared to go. Anybody in your position would. You’ve never left town, and now you are, and you wanna do it by yourself! But, you can’t let fear hold you back. Sure, sometimes it gives you a good sense of what’s safe and what’s not, but other times? It keeps you from taking a leap of faith. I’m not gonna make th’ choice for ya, you have to decide for yourself: are y’ lettin’ fear hold y’ back, or are y’ keeping yourself safe?

(KAI looks conflicted. He sighs and tilts her chin up.)

BENDY: I ain’t gonna be mad either way. But, I’s gots t’ say it: you’re an amazing performer, kiddo. You deserve to show it off outside of Unington. I just know you’ll shine bright wherever you go. You could do anything, kid, and I’d be runnin’ down the street, clanging some cymbals together, shouting that you were my pride and joy.

(Her mother squats down beside the duo.)

MONIKA: But, if it doesn’t work out, you’ll always be able to come home to me.

BENDY: Ahem?

MONIKA: And your dad, I guess.

BENDY: Yep. We may not like each other all too much, but we love you more than anything. We’d move Heaven and Earth for you, kid.

MONIKA: You’ll always have us, Kai. I promise.

BENDY: We promise.

(KAI smiles. KEL goes over and taps her shoulder. KAI turns, blinking curiously.)

KEL: As your best friend and talent agent, I say do it. We’ve all seen what you can do. That talent…it deserves to be on a stage in every city. You’re amazing, K. You’ve just gotta see it for yourself.

(She pulls KAI in for a hug, to which KAI returns.)

KEL: I’m happy to call myself your friend. I’m so happy you waltzed into my life. I’ve never looked back. I want- no, I need you to bring that joy to everyone else. So, please, Kai, go. Or else I’m gonna throw you over my shoulder and stuff you on that boat myself.

(KAI laughs. The rest of her friend group arrives.)

YASH: Woah, hey, I didn’t know we were doing goodbye speeches! Uh- you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, I love you so much-

HANA: Me first!

YASH (angry): Huh- whu- Whaddya mean?!

HANA: Cause- y’know. Alphabetical order.

YASH: Oh, that’s complete baloney!

KAI: Some might even say malarkey.

KEL: Kai, you’re the only person who still uses malarkey unironically.

KAI: And that, my friend, is malarkey. Complete and utter malarkey.

KOU: Wait, if we’re going alphabetically, and Kel just went, wouldn’t I be next? Because I also have a K name.

BENDY: Well, if we were s’posed to go alphabetically, we already screwed up, because Monika went right after me.

MONIKA: I didn’t realize this was supposed to be an ordered thing, I thought we were just quickly hyping Kai up because she was being too chicken to go?

KAI (offended): Hey!

MONIKA: What?! That’s what happened!

KAI (offended): I know! I’m offended because it’s true!

MITSU: Wait, yeah! And we skipped H, so the order would be Kou, Me, Yash, and then Hana.

HANA: …Kai, what was that word again?

KAI: Malarkey?

HANA: Yeah, that’s what this is. Malarkey. Complete and utter malarkey.

(KAI laughs, tearing up. She stares at her friends and family.)

KAI (sappy): I think y’all are the thing ‘m gonna miss most about Unington. I love you idiots all so much, more than words could ever express. I’m so happy I get to call y’all m’ family. I wouldn’t change that for the world. Not by a long shot.

(Her friends and family smile back, except for YASH, who’s tearing up.)

YASH: Kai-i-i!

(She throws herself around KAI and starts bawling. KAI laughs, hugging back. Soon after, the rest of the group joins in, KAI in the middle of a giant group hug. She smiles, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment. After a moment, KAI pats them, signaling them to let go. Everyone does, except for MITSU.)

KAI: Uh…Mitsu?

MITSU (shaky): Shh, let me have this.

(KAI notices his eyes.)

KAI: …Are you crying?

MITSU (weepy): Yes, now shut up. Don’t tell anyone. Or do. They’ll never believe you anyways.

(KAI chuckles lightly.)

KAI: Alright.

(A moment passes before he lets go, wiping his eyes and rejoining the group. KAI smiles at them. She straightens up and grabs her suitcase.)

KAI: Welp, that’s all, folks! I’ll be off now.

(KAI waves. They all wave back, smiling, some of them teary. YASH, however, is bawling loudly, KEL holding her and rubbing her back. KAI turns away, walking back towards the ramp. She hesitates and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. She raises her foot.)

KAI (mumbled): Alright, Drewski, let’s do this.

(She starts lowering her foot, until a hand lands on her shoulder. KAI opens her eyes, the sky and city around her seeming to have gained more of a blue hue. She turns to look at the person who stopped her. She smiles at the familiar face. Yet, a small itch at the bottom of her gut can’t help but feel like she’s never seen it before.)

POWELL: Leaving so soon? And without saying goodbye? Ouch, Kai. That hurts.

(KAI laughs cheerfully, not out of her free will, but as if someone wrote it to happen, like a character in a book. Her confusion at the familiar voice that she can’t quite place is masked when her mouth moves on its own.)

KAI: Hey, Po.

(She didn’t know how she knew the name POWELL KERIAN OTHO, but she did. She knew a lot about him actually, despite the fact she was sure this was the first time she’d ever seen him before. She knew he was originally from Hatchetfield, but he moved to Unington in his twenties to become a vocal coach and open a small music shop on Almond Street. But that couldn’t be true, could it? She knew everyone in Unington. She had made it her goal to try and connect with everyone in her hometown. She knew people who lived on the outskirts of town, and she sure as hell was close with everyone on Almond Street. You couldn’t make it even a mile down Almond Street before meeting someone who knew KAI and had some wacky story about her. His presence evoked memories she didn’t even know she had, ones that contradicted prior events. She remembered him being her vocal coach, along with teaching her piano and guitar. However, she knew that she learned all of that from her family within the studio, particularly from UNCLE SAMMY- er- SAMUEL LAWRENCE, the studio’s in-house composer. She remembered that he got her a few starting gigs, and he helped manage her career, like an agent. But that was wrong, too. Her father got her into show business, he was the one who got her first few starting gigs. As for the agent thing, that couldn’t be true. KEL was her agent and manager, planning out all her shows, along with some help from the family. She specifically remembered not wanting to go to someone outside of the family, for fear of KAI being exploited. This man, to her, was both familiar and a complete stranger.)

POWELL: Hi, Kai. Tour day, hm?

KAI (nervous): Yep! Headin’ on that boat and out into the big ol’ world!

POWELL: Cold feet?

KAI (defeated): E-yup.

(He chuckles and ruffles her hair. KAI didn’t argue. He had the right. She knew. Somehow, she knew.)

POWELL: You have a right to be afraid. Hatchetfield is…a lot.

KAI: More than Unington?

POWELL: Well, no, but it’s different. And I know you. Not the biggest fan of anything different.

KAI: Hah, youse’ would be right. As always.

(POWELL smiles and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.)

POWELL: So, how about we wait until you’re comfortable? You can hang out with me and the rest of the gang until then.

(KAI smiles and presses her face into his side.)

KAI: I’d like that. I’d like that very much.

(POWELL smiles and begins to walk KAI home. The two chitter and laugh as they walk home, the sun beginning to set for some reason? KAI was confused by that detail, she was sure it was way earlier. The peace is interrupted by loud beeping, which wakes KAI up from her dreams. She stretches, yawning and sitting up. She pulls herself out of bed, slipping her feet into some house slippers someone lovingly placed by her bedside. She moves through her new bedroom, heading to the window. She peeks through the blinds.)

[NOTE: KAI’s accent is far less prominent in Hatchetfield, only hints of it being heard. Her voice is also quieter, a lot of the pep and cheer sucked from it.]

KAI (groggy): Good morning, Hatchetfield.

(She watches the cars move through the street in the present day, the passersby quickly moving through the streets, not sparing her a second glance. The sunbeams are blocked by gray-white clouds that are scattered around the sky, the slats of light shining on the city’s semi-modern architecture. KAI scans the street for any performers, to which she finds none. She sighs and grabs a brush, pulling it through her wild, tangled teal locks. She leaves her room, heading to the common area. She finds PAUL MATTHEWS getting ready, the morning Hatchetfield News playing on the television. KAI smiles.)

KAI: Hey, dad.

(PAUL looks over and smiles back.)

PAUL: Hi, Kai.

(He looks down, struggling to tie his tie. KAI sighs and sets down her brush.)

KAI: Here.

(She heads over to her father and takes his tie in her hands. Her hands flit around quickly, tying the fabric into a neat knot that’s just as tight as it needs to be to stay in place while not choking PAUL.)

KAI: There ya go.

PAUL: How are you so good at this? I mean, I’m decent, but you do it like it’s your job.

KAI: Well, back home in Unington, it was part of my job. I wore suits during my shows a lot of the time, so tying a tie that stuck through wacko dancing and didn’t mess with my windpipe was important. Also, I had to go to formal events sometimes, and modern formal dresses aren’t really my forte, so I went in a suit sometimes. If ya ever need to get all dressed up in a suit, I’m your gal!

(PAUL smiles and ruffles her hair. KAI swats his hand away with a playful glare and grabs her brush, running it through her hair. KAI looks around the room and blinks, noticing something’s missing.)

KAI: Where’s Momma?

PAUL: Oh, Emma?

KAI: Mhm, didn’t she stay over after movie night?

PAUL: Yeah, but she left earlier this morning. Early shift at Beanie’s.

KAI: Oh-h-h, alright.

PAUL (lovestruck): I love that woman.

(KAI makes a face, sticking her tongue out in disgust.)

KAI: Ew. Dad. Gross. Nobody wants to hear about that.

(PAUL smirks.)

PAUL (teasingly): Yeah, I just wanna give ‘er a big ol’ kiss.

(KAI groans and covers her ears.)

KAI: Ew ew ew ew ew ew!

PAUL (teasingly): Yep, just wanna give her a big ol’ smooch, just like this!

(PAUL scoops up KAI by the waist, planting a few kisses on her cheek. KAI laughs and wriggles around in his grip.)

KAI (laughing): Dad! Dad! Stop- stop-!

PAUL: Shh, let me love you.

KAI (laughing): No-o-o!

(PAUL keeps her in his grip for a moment longer.)

PAUL: Fine, only cause I have work soon.

(PAUL sets her down, planting a kiss on her forehead. KAI sticks her tongue out. He smiles and walks to the kitchen to make himself some toast.)

KAI: Y’know, speaking of last night, I was sure I fell asleep on the couch.

PAUL: Oh, yeah, you did.

KAI (teasingly): Then, pray tell, why, oh, why did I wake up in my bed on this fine morning?

(PAUL freezes.)

KAI (teasingly): Got something you’d like to tell the crowd, pops?

PAUL: …Sleeping on the couch is bad for your back. I just…didn’t want you to have to deal with that.

KAI (teasingly): Uh-huh. And the house slippers?

PAUL (defensively): The floor is cold in the morning!

(KAI laughs.)

KAI: Gods, you are just like this one friend I had back home! He’d never admit when he was being nice to me. It was always: “I just don’t want you to die because then these guys would get all weepy, and I don’t want to deal with that.” Love that guy.

(KAI smiles, letting the nostalgia wash over her. PAUL smiles at her.)

PAUL: …Y’know, it’s nice hearing you talk about your hometown. Especially considering I don’t know much about where you’re from.

KAI: Whaddya mean? You know where I’m from. Unington. I showed you pictures.

PAUL: You showed me pictures of the town, Kai.

KAI: Well, yeah. You said you wanted to see pictures from back home.

PAUL: I didn’t mean the town.

KAI: Huh?

(PAUL sighs.)

PAUL: I meant that I wanted to see pictures of you.

KAI: …I’m so confused.

PAUL: Kai, I…It feels like I don’t know you.

KAI (offended): Okay, that’s completely bogus! I talk to you and Momma all the time!

PAUL: About what you’re doing now. You never talk about who you were in Unington. All I know is that you lived there, you’re a singer, you were adopted, and you have five friends: Kristen, Kevin, Henry, Mike, and Yasmine.

KAI: Kel, Kou, Hana, Mitsu, and Yash.

PAUL: See! You talk about them so little, I don’t even know their names!

KAI: I- okay- but-

PAUL: I just wanna know you, Kai.

(KAI sighs.)

KAI: …I don’t wanna talk about the past, okay? It’s just- things…happened. Things that I don’t wanna think about. I’m- it doesn’t matter who I was then. It matters who I am now. And I like who I am now. Okay?

(PAUL nods. His eyes tell a different story.)

PAUL: …Okay.

(KAI nods.)

KAI: Thank you.

PAUL: You’re welcome.

(KAI smiles and plants a kiss on his cheek.)

KAI: Have a good day at work. Love you.

PAUL: Love you too, kiddo.

(He plants a kiss on her forehead before grabbing his coat and briefcase and heading out the door. KAI makes herself a bowl of cereal, pouring the milk in. The artificial blue dye in the cereal starts to seep out into the liquid, causing the white substance to gain a hazy blue color, darker swirls of blue gathering near the cereal. KAI stares at the bowl with discomfort before washing it down the sink.)

KAI (uncomfortable): …Wasn’t hungry, anyways.

(KAI instead finishes getting ready, dressing herself. She slips on her shoes and jacket before heading out the door. She walks down the stairs of the apartment building and down a couple of blocks into Beanie’s. The bell at the door jingles as she enters, heading up to the counter. She leans on the counter, cheek in hand. EMMA PERKINS turns, looking at the girl.)

EMMA: Oh, hey, kiddo.

KAI (sullen): Hey, momma.

EMMA: What’s up with you? You seem off.

KAI (sullen): I had that weird dream again.

EMMA: The one where you get lost in a store and then suddenly get enlisted into the FBI?

KAI (sullen): No, the one where I’m leaving Unington for the tour like I remember, and then that weird dream dude stops me from going.

EMMA: Oh, that one! Yeah, that’s weird.

KAI: It’s like someone’s writing some weird self insert fanfic with my life!

EMMA: …Kai, I don’t know half of the words you just said.

KAI: …It’s like someone’s trying to force their way into my life?

EMMA: Oh, yeah, that makes more sense.

(EMMA sets a coffee cup down in front of KAI, the words “For: My favorite customer” scrawled onto the side. Beside the writing, there’s a small smiley face drawn onto the cup. KAI smiles.)

KAI: Anything caramel?

EMMA: And make it extra.

KAI: Thanks, Momma.

EMMA: No problem.

(KAI begins to sip on her coffee.)

EMMA: …Y’know, maybe me and your dad could help you with these weird memory dreams if you, maybe, talked about your life in Unington?

(KAI groans.)

KAI: No, not you too! Dad already tried this today!

EMMA: Well, I don’t blame him. We both wanna know what your life was like back there.

KAI: I just- I don’t wanna talk about the past, okay? I wanna focus on my life now.

EMMA: But what happened back then made you who you are. We wanna know what shaped you!

(KAI groans and holds her head in her hands. EMMA sighs and pets her hair.)

EMMA: We’re not gonna force you. But it would be nice to know.

KAI: …Okay.

(KAI grabs her coffee.)

KAI: I’ll stop holding up your line now.

EMMA: Not like I cared.

KAI: Hah. See you at dinner?

EMMA: I’ll be there.

(KAI smiles and starts to leave.)

EMMA: Forgetting something?

(KAI blinks, her eyes darting around the room. She perks up and snaps her fingers. She leans over the counter and gives EMMA a kiss on the cheek before leaving.)

EMMA (laughing): No! Pay your bill!

(KAI isn’t paying attention. She simply smiles and leaves. EMMA chuckles and shakes her head.)

EMMA (under her breath): God, who raised you?

(ZOEY CHAMBERS leans in towards EMMA.)

ZOEY: So…is anyone gonna pay for that? Cause that coffee isn’t free, y’know-

EMMA (annoyed): I’ll pay for it! God…

(PAUL, EMMA, and KAI go about their days as usual. The sun eventually sets, and the three are sitting around PAUL’s kitchen table, eating takeout.)

PAUL: So…Kai, what was dinner back in your hometown like?

(KAI glares. EMMA elbows PAUL.)

EMMA (hissed): Dude!

PAUL (whispered): What?! It was worth a shot!

(KAI pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.)

KAI: Fine. I’ll tell you guys about Unington.

(PAUL and EMMA freeze.)

EMMA (whispered): Oh my god, it worked-

PAUL (whispered): Never doubt me again.

(KAI clears her throat.)

KAI: So, I guess it all started when I was eight, turning nine-

PAUL: Wait, why not when you were born?

KAI: Cause I was with my bio parents then, and it like..wasn’t nice.

EMMA: What’s that supposed to mean?

KAI (nonchalant): Oh, they forced me to straighten my hair and act “normal” to make me more “manageable.” They didn’t like me much. My bio mother just, like, straight up told me to my face that she didn’t really love me when I was, like, five, I think.

(PAUL and EMMA are stunned.)

EMMA: …Okay, so, I’m gonna kill your bio parents-

PAUL: Right on, right on.

KAI: Don’t? Maybe? Anyways, for my birthday, I wanted to get new art supplies. I found my now-father’s place of work, which was apparently an animation studio, but the wiki article was edited to make it seem like it was an art supplies store. Stupid eight year old me didn’t do any other research, and I went in alone. Long story short, a bunch of wacky stuff happened, and I got adopted by my dad.

PAUL: Wait, what was the stuff that happened?

KAI: Yeah, no, that’s way too much stuff. Like, about five chapters of stuff. Basically an entire video game. But all you need to know is that I got a dad and I live in the animation studio.

EMMA: What is your life?!

KAI: Long, wacky, and a little confusing. Anywho, thanks to some screwing around, I met my now-mom while my dad was still getting my adoption in order. Mom wanted to adopt me too, but my dad was doing that, and it was real confusing. Eventually, they just decided to get legally married so it wasn’t as confusing.

PAUL/EMMA: …What???

(KAI chuckles.)

KAI (nostalgic): Yeah. Those two do not like each other. At all. Love them.

(KAI clears her throat.)

KAI: Anyways, by my ninth birthday, I was adopted. I was happy, for the first time in my life. It was great. And, of course, it didn’t last. I wanted ice cream. There was a parlor just a couple buildings down from the studio. I wanted to go alone. I was, as I put it, a “big girl” now. I thought I could do it. So did my parents. And…and while I was walking-

(KAI sucks in a staggered breath. She feels her body tremble and her vision blur with tears. She knows what comes next. She’s known for nine years. And the blow doesn’t get any less painful. Even after almost a decade, she can still feel it. The air being stolen from her lungs. The feeling of not being able to breathe, like a wet towel was tightly wrapped around her chest. The wet tears stinging her cheeks that were caked in grime and gore. The red-hot feeling of a knife digging itself into the flesh of her cheek and tearing through the skin as if it was nothing but a piece of fabric. The ache and sting of her throat as she screamed and cried. The weight that she felt through her entire body, the one that made her unable to move for weeks on end. The feelings after, of rotting in bed, of the emptiness in her stomach, of feeling so filthy that no shower could ever wash the grime away, of hopelessness, of knowing that, at the ripe age of nine, she deserved every bad thing that had ever happened and will ever happen to her. PAUL and EMMA look worried, EMMA reaching out to comfort her. KAI waves her hand away, breathing in.)

KAI (voice breaking): …Powell came over and decided he wanted to walk me to the parlor. He had blueberry, I had orange sherbet, it was nice.

(PAUL and EMMA look confused. And so does KAI. That’s not what happened. She knows that’s not what happened. That day, she gained a scar on her cheek and a shattered sense of self. That was the incident that made her realize she had to help people. That helping people was the only way she could ever redeem even a bit of herself. That helping was the only way, for lack of a better term, she could repent for the great sin she had committed. Nobody saved her from that incident. That incident made her KAI DREW. She doesn’t even know if she would be in Hatchetfield if it didn’t happen. So why did she remember some guy saving her?)

KAI (confused): What the f- that’s not what happened! I- I got ice cream with Powell- No I didn’t! Who the actual f*ck is Powell?!

(EMMA snaps her fingers.)

EMMA: The weird dude from your dreams!

PAUL (realizing): Oh, yeah! Didn’t you say his name was-

KAI (realizing)/PAUL: Powell Kerian Otho!

EMMA: And wasn’t his whole thing, like, making you misremember stuff?

KAI: Well, yeah-

EMMA: Maybe you’re remembering a dream?

KAI: I mean, I could be, but…

(KAI looks at her parental figures with worry.)

KAI: Why can’t I remember the actual thing?

(PAUL and EMMA start to worry now, too.)

PAUL: Yeah, that’s not good.

EMMA: I- yeah. Not too sure about that one.

KAI: I- holy sh*t, I can’t remember anything bad ever happening to me in Unington.

EMMA: Like…your life was so great that even the bad things are good?

KAI: No, like, I literally can’t think of a time where I was sad. I just- I keep remembering weird dream dude saving me.

PAUL: …Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s weird.

(KAI starts to pace.)

KAI: (muttered) Back in 2018, you went to Hatchetfield for your first ever tour, and you met them, and there was this blue sh*t that took over everything and it took over you and made a mockery over everything you ever loved and put your heart on a silver platte- (awkward, nervous, shouted) Okay, yep, I remember that!

EMMA (confused): Wait, I thought you were going on your first ever tour this year?

PAUL (confused): Blue sh*t? What? Who’s “them”?

KAI (dismissive): Not important. Just a plot of some musical I really liked. Wanted to make sure I remembered it.

PAUL: Oh. Ew.

(KAI paces for a moment longer before snapping her fingers.)

KAI: I got it! I know what I have to do to fix my weird half-amnesia thingy!

(PAUL and EMMA look towards her, interested. KAI continues.)

KAI: I have to go back to Unington!

(PAUL and EMMA look towards each other, confused, before looking back at KAI.)

[NOTE: PAUL and EMMA’s lines are layered over each other.]

PAUL: I’m so confused right now.

EMMA: Yeah, I don’t follow.

KAI: Think about it! All my Unington memories are screwed up, but who would remember my original Unington memories?

(PAUL and EMMA blink. KAI sighs.)

KAI: My friends and family back home!

(PAUL and EMMA ‘Oh’ and nod.)

PAUL: Yeah, that makes sense!

EMMA: I could see that.

(KAI brightens up, determination and confidence seem in her grin.)

KAI: Well, see ya, family. I’m going to Unington!

(KAI throws open the front door and runs into the hall.)

PAUL: Kai, you don’t have a bag.

EMMA: Or a boat to Unington.

PAUL: And you left the door open.

EMMA: And you didn’t finish your dinner.

(KAI goes back into the apartment, shutting the door behind her.)

KAI: Right.

(A couple days pass, and KAI eventually gets the bag and boat she needs. She heads to the Hatchetfield docks, rolling her suitcase behind her. She wears her everyday Unington outfit: A two-toned blue shirt with a third blue tone making a drip pattern, suspenders styled to look like sheet music, three toned blue short with a bright yellow explosion shape and stars on one leg, long socks with sheet music wrapping around the thigh, two toned blue shoes, and a small blue hair clip with a teardrop on it. She looks down at herself.)

KAI (muttered): Could’a sworn there was way less blue and a lot more pink and yellow.

(KAI arrives at the docks, seeing PAUL and EMMA. EMMA snickers.)

EMMA: God, you look like a huge nerd.

KAI: Hey! This was the style back in Unington. Everyone wanted to dress like me. (overconfident) I was…something of a trendsetter.

(EMMA snickers and ruffles her hair.)

EMMA: I’ll believe it when I see it.

(KAI scoffs and looks to the side, perking up.)

KAI: Oh! Uncle Bill! Auntie Charlotte! I didn’t know you were coming!

(BILL WOODWARD and CHARLOTTE SWEETLY stand near PAUL and EMMA. BILL has a goofy smile on his face, and CHARLOTTE is tearing up.)

BILL: Well, we couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye!

(BILL pulls KAI into a hug, to which KAI smiles and returns the gesture.)

BILL: Have fun back home for me, okay?

KAI: I will. I’ll bring ya a souvenir.

(BILL smiles and squeezes KAI tightly before letting her go. KAI turns to CHARLOTTE, who bursts into tears and hugs KAI tightly, swaying the girl from side to side. KAI chuckles quietly and hugs back.)

CHARLOTTE (weepy): B- Bye, Kai. I’m- I’m gonna miss you-!

(CHARLOTTE starts sobbing, clinging to KAI tighter. KAI laughs.)

KAI: Me too, Auntie. Me too.

(KAI pats CHARLOTTE’s back. CHARLOTTE reluctantly lets go. KAI pulls PAUL and EMMA into a hug, to which they return.)

KAI: Love you guys.

PAUL: Love you too, Kai. I’ll miss you.

EMMA: Love you more, kiddo.

KAI: Oh, you do not wanna get into that fight with me right now.

(EMMA chuckles and PAUL smiles. KAI lets them go.)

PAUL: Y’know, I told Ted you were leaving.

KAI (exasperated): Oh, god.

PAUL: Yeah, he’s, uh…not taking the news well.

KAI: Wait, he’s sad?

PAUL: Not exactly.

(As if on cue, TED SPANKOFFSKI runs by, cheering and whooping.)

TED: WOOOOO!!!! DING-DONG, KAI IS DEAD!!!!

(He runs off. The group glares in his direction.)

BILL: What a jerk.

(KAI shrugs.)

KAI: Eh, par for the course.

(KAI grabs her bag.)

KAI: Well, that’ll be all from me, folks. I’m off to Unington!

(KAI heads onto the boat, pulling her bag behind her. The ramp lifts as the boat takes off. The wind whips through her hair as she looks back towards Hatchetfield. PAUL and EMMA wave with sappy smiles on their faces. CHARLOTTE sobs. BILL smiles and waves before bursting into tears alongside CHARLOTTE. The two hug as they sob. PAUL pats his friends’ backs. KAI waves before looking out at the water in front of her.)

KAI: Unington, here I come.

(Eventually, KAI makes it to Unington. She excitedly runs over to the docks, spreading out her arms.)

KAI (singsong): Hello-o-o, Uning-

(KAI blinks, looking around.)

KAI (confused): Ton..?

(The city known for its music and color is silent and dull. Nobody can be seen for miles.)

KAI: Well, forgive me for being egotistical if I am, but…I was expectin’ a warmer welcome! Like-

(KAI runs to the other side of the docks.)

[NOTE: KAI switches sides as she switches characters.]

KAI (as UNINGTON CITIZEN #1): Kai! We missed you!

KAI: Aw, I missed y’all too!

KAI (as UNINGTON CITIZEN #2): You were gone forever! Starving us of content, I see.

KAI: Aw, gee, I just met a few people who I really liked-

KAI (as UNINGTON CITIZEN #3): That’s bogus. You’re not allowed to stop performing. Your fans deserve to get more content on a regular basis.

KAI (miffed): Well, forgive me, but I deserve to live my life-

KAI (as UNINGTON CITZEN #4): On stage, for all of us to see! It’s not fair if you stop performing.

KAI (annoyed): Well, you’ll have to deal with the fact that I, like every other person, want breaks.

KAI (as UNINGTON CITIZEN #5): Well, I think you shouldn’t be allowed to take breaks. Not when people are expecting you to perform.

KAI (pissed): Well, howza’ bout you take that thought, and shove it up your a-!

(KAI holds that ‘a’ sound as she comes to a realization. She straightens up.)

KAI (worried, disappointed): Geez, Kai, are ya really arguing wit’ yourself?!

(She knocks herself on the head.)

KAI (disappointed): Ya friends were right, you belong in the loony bin!

(KAI steps to the other side.)

KAI (as KAI B): Well, I don’t think so!

KAI (as KAI A): Really?

KAI (as KAI B): Yeah! I mean, (egotistical) we are pretty fun to talk to.

KAI (as KAI A): Well, thanks, Kai, I think so too! But I still think we should probably stop talkin’ to each other.

KAI (as KAI B, shocked): What?! Why?

KAI (as KAI A): Well, it makes us seem… y’know…

KAI (as KAI B, annoyed): No, I don’t know. Spit. It. Out.

KAI (as KAI A, sheepishly): …Cuckoo bananas?

KAI (as KAI B, offended): Why I’d never! That’s it, I’m done talking to you!

KAI (as KAI A, annoyed): Well, good! Cause I need to focus on why we came to Unington.

KAI (as KAI B): And that reason was?

KAI (as KAI A): To, uh… um…

KAI (as KAI B): You forgot, didn’t you? Idiot.

KAI (as KAI A): Well, it’s not like you remember!

KAI (as KAI B): Of course I remember! We were here to…uh…what were we here for again?

(KAI thinks before stepping in the middle of her two spots.)

KAI (as KAI C): Oh, I remember! We were here to find out why our memories were all bing-bang-bent outta shape!

(KAI smiles and pats herself on the back.)

KAI: Good job, me!

(KAI turns on her heel, smiling. She hums as she walks through Unington. Her chipper demeanor fades as she looks around at the broken down, empty, ghost town, a shadow of what Unington used to be.)

KAI: Jumpin’ jackrabbits, what happened ‘ere?!

(KAI looks around.)

KAI: Hello-o-o?! Anyone here?!

(No response. KAI huffs, crossing her arms and puffing up her cheeks.)

KAI: Well, this really hashes my tag.

(Suddenly, a noise comes in front of KAI. She looks up and sees BENDY, facing away from her.)

KAI: Oh! Dad! There you are! Y’know, leaving me high and dry at the docks isn’t very nice.

(He doesn’t respond. The backing track for “Inevitable” starts up.)

BENDY: Kai, I'm sorry… You lost…

KAI (confused): Huh? Dad, this is kind of a weird time to sing, and that’s comin’ from me.

BENDY: Kai, I'm sorry, you lost…

(The body turns with a smile. KAI backs up, eyes widening and terror shooting through every part of her body.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: Your way!

(His eyes are now a sickeningly familiar shade of electric blue.)

KAI (terrified): Dad?!

(The body approaches. KAI backs away, terrified.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: What if I told you I made it? And this is the life that I chose?

(Two hands grip her shoulders. KAI almost sobs.)

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: Would you even believe it, Kai?

(A body pops up beside KAI. She finds it harder and harder to hold in her tears.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: Do you believe in ghosts?

(Someone heads in front of KAI. Her breath speeds up.)

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: What if I told you a story?

(Another body appears beside what used to be KEL. It’s hard for KAI to handle.)

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: That settled all the dust?

(A body pushes past the two and takes her hands. KAI can’t help it. She starts to cry.)

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: I'm still the man you trust!

(KAI looks to the next body as quiet sobs wrack her body.)

INFECTED #7 [formerly KOU]: It's inevitable,

(INFECTED #3 pops up beside INFECTED #7.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: For us!

(KAI staggers backwards.)

KAI (terrified, crying): No- NO!!! I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN!! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?!

(Another pair of hands grabs her shoulders, pulling her into a dance.)

INFECTED #8 [formerly BEAN]: Before, I had no ambition, but now my life is a song!

(INFECTED #4 grabs KAI’s hands.)

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: Don't you want to see me happy?

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Is that so tragically wrong?

(INFECTED #2 appears by her side.)

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: What if the only choice is,

(INFECTED #1 appears at her open side.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: You have to sing to survive?

(INFECTED #1 grabs her hand and drags her along, pulling KAI onto a stage.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: We must, go on, with the show!

(INFECTED #1 grabs INFECTED #4’s hand and twirls the body.)

INFECTED #1/#4 [formerly BENDY/KEL]: It's inevitable…

(INFECTED #4 spins towards KAI and grabs her hands.)

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: To know what I want now!

(Multiple UNINGTON CITIZENS emerge from the buildings and alleyways, all INFECTED.)

INFECTED: Know what you want now!

(INFECTED #5 grabs KAI by the shoulders.)

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Kai, I want you to join the party!

(Suddenly, another INFECTED body comes out of the crowd, one that KAI recognizes as her former boss at the cafe, dressed like a Beanie’s employee.)

INFECTED #9 [formerly PEGGY]: Are you going to tip me?

(More INFECTED come from behind PEGGY.)

INFECTED: Get your cup of coffee!

(INFECTED #5 spins KAI around.)

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Look at the fun we're having already!

INFECTED: What?

(KAI is spun into INFECTED #4, who grabs her hands gingerly.)

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: I found my calling, you can do the same now!

(INFECTED #5 grabs KAI’s shoulders.)

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Put your words to lyrics, and you're playing the game now!

(INFECTED #4 and #5 hold hands and press their cheeks together, kicking their legs up behind them.)

INFECTED #4/#5 [formerly KEL/YASH]: It's all there is and all there ever was!

(INFECTED #4 and #5 plant their feet and outstretch their arms.)

INFECTED #4/#5/#6 [formerly KEL/YASH/MITSU]: Kai!

(INFECTED #6 pushes #4 and #5 out of the way, strutting towards KAI on the beat.)

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Let me puke in your mouth, and, just open your food bin, girl!

(INFECTED #6 grabs KAI’s cheeks, forcing her mouth open.)

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: And you can join the hive!

(KAI pushes INFECTED #6 away. It grabs her hand and spins KAI off the stage.)

INFECTED #6/#7 [formerly MITSU/KOU]: Then show me your…

(When she comes to a stop, she’s faced with INFECTED #7, dressed as the sheriff of the Unington Police Department, INFECTED members of the UTPD singing alongside him.)

INFECTED #7 [formerly KOU]: Hands! Show me those jazz hands! Get em' up or you're sh*t outta luck!

(INFECTED #7 pulls out a gun, shooting at KAI on the beat. KAI shrieks and jumps backwards, dodging bullets. She flips out of the way, whipping around to face INFECTED #7 and the INFECTED UTPD.)

INFECTED #7 [formerly KOU]: Show me your hands! Show me those jazz hands!

(INFECTED #7 spins out.)

INFECTED #7/#3 [formerly KOU/HANA]: Or I might be inclined…

(INFECTED #3 spins KAI into a dip.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: To plant my seed!

(INFECTED citizens of Unington appear behind INFECTED #3, dressed as PEIP soldiers.)

INFECTED: Oh-oh-oh-oh!

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: The hive needs to feed!

INFECTED: Oh-oh-oh-oh!

(KAI pulls away, and INFECTED #3 outstretches its arms.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: Happiness is guaranteed!

INFECTED: Oh-oh-oh-oh!

(INFECTED #8 appears beside INFECTED #3, and the two hook arms around their shoulders and finger gun each other.)

INFECTED #3/#8 [formerly HANA/BEAN]: If you just give us one last…

(INFECTED #3 and #8 grab hands and spin around, letting go. When they stop, the INFECTED are all in sparkly, jazzy, Broadway-esque costumes colored in various hues of blue. INFECTED #8 is wearing a sleeveless suit, with cropped pant legs, like a bathing suit. They wear fishnets, heels, and long red gloves. They hold a cane, which they use for their choreo. INFECTED #1-#7 form a kick line behind KAI.)

INFECTED #8 [formerly BEAN]: Show-stopping number! With Kai front and center!

(The INFECTED force KAI into their kick line.)

INFECTED #8 [formerly BEAN]: A kick line is inevitable!

(KAI breaks free and runs down the street. However, a large crowd of INFECTED civilians are cornering her.)

INFECTED: What if I told you a story,

(KAI tries to run the other way. But, another large crowd of INFECTED civilians approaches.)

INFECTED: How the world became peaceful and just?

(KAI tries the path to her right. Another mob of the INFECTED.)

INFECTED: It was inevitable!

(She tries her left. Another mob.)

INFECTED: Inevitable!

(KAI staggers and stumbles as the INFECTED circle her like wolves in the middle of the town square.)

INFECTED: Inevitable!

(The circle breaks as a figure, dressed in a long, flowing blue coat with dark blue rhinestone drips. The outfit is very ornate and fancy. The figure has a white cracked mask, blue sludge dripping from it.)

MASKED FIGURE: The apotheosis is upon-

INFECTED: Us!

(The song ends. KAI, at this point, has fallen into a sitting position, her breathing heavy and panicked. The figure removes his mask, revealing himself to be POWELL. His face is cracked like his mask, and the blue sludge drips from the cracks. He smirks.)

POWELL: Hi, Kai. It’s nice to see you again.

KAI (terrified): …Powell Kerian Otho.

POWELL: Call me Po. Po K Otho. Pokotho.

(KAI is lost in memory, as the name seems familiar. POKOTHO pouts.)

POKOTHO: Aw, you seem sad, songbird. So, tell me.

(He grins.)

POKOTHO: What’s in your soul? Is your heart so damp and bleak, that you won’t give us a peek, of your soul?

(KAI’s eyes widen, along with the smiles of the INFECTED. POKOTHO stalks behind her, a wide grin on his face.)

POKOTHO: Just let it out! There’s a voice inside of you, on the edge of coming through, what’s it about?

(He slowly circles KAI, watching her intently.)

POKOTHO: And I know it’s a singular voice, Kai! You’ve just got to give up your choice!

(The INFECTED voices ring out as a whole. KAI stares with wide eyes.)

INFECTED: Just let it out, let it out, let it out!

KAI: It’s- it’s you. You’re the f*ckin’ douchebag that started all this.

(KAI’s breathing speeds up. She’s back at the Starlight again, with mom and dad.)

INFECTED: Let it out, let it out, let it out!

KAI: You couldn’t just have your fun with Hatchetfield?! You’ve gotta do it with the people I hold closest to me?!

(Her heart pounds like the beat of the drums. She’s completely terrified.

INFECTED: Let it out, let it out, let it out!

KAI: You already ruined my life once, y’ really haveta’ do it again?!

(The INFECTED hold out their hands towards her.)

INFECTED: Let it out, let it out—

(They fall silent, still pointing towards KAI. She realizes they want her to sing with them, sing the song that ruined her life. She’s stunned for a moment, before she balls up her fist and lets out a primal, rage-filled scream.)

KAI (pissed): NEVER!

(She runs forward and socks POKOTHO in the jaw, causing him to stumble back. The INFECTED writhe in agony for a moment. The corners of KAI’s mouth twitch up into a smile. She hurt him like he hurt her. Her happiness is short-lived, however, as POKOTHO rises.)

POKOTHO: It seems like our leading lady doesn’t understand her part in the show.

(He snaps his fingers. The INFECTED’s heads snap towards her. Her heart drops into her stomach.)

POKOTHO: Dear ensemble, would you mind showing our little starlet her place on the stage?

INFECTED (singsong): Yes, Lord Pokotho.

KAI: Uh-oh.

(The INFECTED start approaching KAI. She sprints away. Multiple bodies fling themselves towards KAI, lunging for her and grabbing at her. She manages to make it through the crowd without a scratch. She lets out a breathy laugh of relief as she watches the INFECTED get smaller and smaller behind her. She looks forward and yelps, skidding to a stop.)

INFECTED #10 [formerly KAI’S BIO MOM] (singsong): Come back to us, Kai!

INFECTED #11 [formerly KAI’S BIO DAD] (singsong): We miss you!

KAI (deadpan): Oh, now that- that’s just cold, man.

INFECTED #10 [formerly KAI’S BIO MOM]: Yeah- yeah, even I felt kinda gross about this one.

INFECTED #11 [formerly KAI’S BIO DAD]: Your bio parents sucked, dude. Like, a lot.

KAI: Yeah-h-h.

INFECTED #10 [formerly KAI’S BIO MOM]: Sorry about that.

KAI: ‘S fine, I guess.

(An awkward silence passes through the group.)

INFECTED #11 [formerly KAI’S BIO DAD] (singsong): Back to infecting you, though!

(KAI yelps and bounds out of the way as INFECTED #10 and #11 lunge for her.)

KAI: Aw, c’mon! I thought we had a breakthrough there!

INFECTED #10/#11 [formerly KAI’S BIO MOM/KAI’S BIO DAD] (singsong): Nope!

(KAI runs past the INFECTED bodies, swerving around each vessel that pops up in her path. She sprints down the road.)

KAI (desperately): C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon-

(She skids in front of a familiar building. She grins.)

KAI: Yes!

(She throws the doors of “JOEY DREW STUDIOS” open, darting inside. She breathes the air in, the smell of paper, ink, and aged wood filling her nose. She smiles.)

KAI: It’s good to be home.

(She starts moving her way through the studio, the wood and walls as old and yellowed as she remembered. She walks quickly and carefully, reminding herself of tips that she’s learned through the years.)

KAI (muttered): Mind the loose floorboard, that one’ll give out under your weight, that wall’s a trick wall, hidden room to your left, that pipe always leaks, Uncle Wally is completely done with it-

(KAI hears a creak in the floorboard. Her head snaps up and she quickly ducks underneath an isolated animation desk. She covers her mouth, curling up into a ball. She turns to the wall next to her, finding many old childhood drawings of hers taped and pinned up. The line work is shaky, the anatomy is off, and the art seems to be an attempt at the traditional ‘anime/manga’ style. Her eyes soften as she remembers the days spent sketching under this desk, and once her eyes land on the picture in the center, they well up with tears as she remembers who it belonged to. In the middle of all the childish drawings lies one drawing much better than the rest. It’s professionally done in a 1920’s-1930’s rubber hose cartoon style, done in ink instead of pencil and crayon. It depicts KAI as a 9 year old girl, and a man she knows dearly.)

KAI (quiet, muffled): Oh, Uncle Henry…

(A note written in ink beside the picture reads “Welcome home, Kai. We’re all so happy to have you here. ~ Uncle Henry”, a tiny smiley face drawn next to it. She remembers the events of her adoption. She remembers the days spent drawing under her uncle’s desk. She remembers it all. She sniffs. Another creak.)

BENDY: Hey, kiddo-! Your mom? And your friends? Okay, I’ll get ‘em if it’s that important.

(KAI’s eyes widen as the sounds of her friends and family fill the air. She remembers this.)

BENDY: Everybody’s here, kiddo.

MONIKA: What’s up?

(KAI squeezes her eyes shut, going over that phone call in her head, remembering her last words to her family. “Okay, so, I dunno how to explain it, but one of the cities I'm touring in, Hatchetheld, is, like, overrun with some sort of virus that makes everyone dance and sing. So, other than the usual, is anyone in Unington singing and dancing at out of place times?”)

KEL: Uh…no.

YASH: Yeah, all the usual stuff here!

HANA: Mhm, just the regular group numbers at ‘round 4:00.

KOU (upset): Aw, you missed us doing Newsies!

MITSU: Not the time, man.

(“Okay, good. If it starts happening, quarantine them immediately.”)

BENDY: Why? What’s-

(“...Time for the other thing.” The group quiets. “I dunno if I'm gonna make it out alive. Like, for realsies this time. If I do make it out 'alive', there's a high chance I'll be infected. I might die, guys. For real this time.”)

[NOTE: Lines are layered over each other.]

KOU (panicked): What?! You can’t! You’re Kai Drew, dangit!

MITSU (panicked): You’re telling us this now?!

YASH (panicked): No! Nonononono! That- you can’t die! That’s not allowed!

KEL (panicked): What?! Huh?! No! I won’t let it happen! I won’t! You’ve made it this long, I can’t- I won’t let you die!

HANA (panicked): WHAT THE ACTUAL FU- you’ve gotta be joking! No way- no way!

MONIKA (panicked): No. No. No! That’s- that’s not happening, kiddo. Not to you. Not to my daughter. I swear to the heavens above, I’ll-

BENDY (panicked): …What? Kiddo, please, please, please tell me you’re joking. I- I’m- no. Not to my baby. I’m not gonna watch you die. No, I haven’t had enough time with you. Eight years isn’t long enough. Hell, 100 years wouldn’t be long enough! I can’t lose you, not yet. We’ll get you outta there-

(“Guys.” The group quiets. “I think I'm gonna die. An- and I just wanted to tell you guys I love you guys. Just in case. You all can fight over my stuff, I- I just-…I love you.”)

BENDY: …We love you too, kiddo.

MONIKA: More than life itself.

KEL: We’ll always love you, Kai.

YASH: Whether you’re some angsty emo kid—

HANA: —Or a bubbly, cartoony goofball—

KOU: —Or anything in between.

MITSU: You’re our Kai, through and through. I don’t think we could ever stop loving you.

(Murmurs of agreement go through the group. “I- I love you guys so much, okay? You- you've all done so much for me and- and I don't think I would- would be the person I am today without you guys. Like, you- you took me in when I was nine, and- and you let me stay, after all I've done? I'm- I've done terrible things, I'm- I'm a terrible person-!”)

BENDY: You’re not a terrible person, kiddo.

MONIKA: Don’t you ever call yourself that.

BENDY: You’re the best person any of us have ever known.

MONIKA: You wear your heart on your sleeve, you help anyone who needs it, you’ve got a heart made of gold, you’re sweeter than sugar, I could go on and on.

BENDY: One incident doesn’t define who you are, kiddo. How you move forward, that’s what makes you, you.

MONIKA: And I’ve gotta say, you’ve become a damn good person, kiddo.

BENDY: You make our lives better.

MONIKA: So don’t you dare say you’re a terrible person.

(“And there you guys go again. Loving me when I don't even love myself.”)

BENDY: We always will, hon.

MONIKA: We just wish you loved yourself as much as we love you.

BENDY: We wish you could see the beautiful, kind, amazing girl- no, woman that you are.

(“…A-Alright. I'm not a terrible person. But I'm not done, either.”)

MITSU: Of course you aren’t.

YASH: That’s Kai for ya.

KEL: Always droning on about something.

HANA: Or nothing in particular.

KOU: That’s our girl!

(“And you guys.”)

HANA/KEL/KOU/MITSU/YASH: Us?

(“Yeah, y'all. You-you guys befriended me when I was at the lowest point of my life, when- when I was just so... angry and all I could do was lash out on people who didn't deserve it. And- and you know what you guys did? You made me so much better. You helped me so much, and- and I just-… I love you guys so much.”)

YASH: Right back atcha, K.

KEL: We made you better?!

HANA: You made us better!

KOU: I honestly don’t think I’d be as happy as I was today without you.

MITSU: You changed our lives, Kai. For the better. Thank you for that.

BENDY: We love you, kiddo.

MONIKA: We love you more than every star in the sky, more than every grain of sand, more than life itself.

(“So-so I need you to promise me. I need you all to promise me that you guys will be okay. That you guys will stay safe and make sure everyone else in Unington does too. Because the only way I can keep on going here is knowing you guys are gonna be okay.”)

BENDY: Only if you do it too.

YASH: You gotta promise that you’ll come home safe.

(“I can't promise you that. I don't wanna lie.”)

KEL: Then don’t lie.

HANA: Come home safe.

KOU: Come back to Unington safe and sound.

MITSU: Come back here and be okay.

MONIKA: Promise us that, and we’ll promise to be okay.

(“... Alright. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll get through this, and then when I get back home to Unington, you guys'll scoop me up, spin me around, give me lots of hugs and kisses, load me up with a few buns from Peggy's, we'll watch all my favorite shows, movies, and musicals, and cuddle on the couch all night. I'm-I'm gonna hold you to that!”)

BENDY: Good.

MONIKA: Hold us to that.

YASH: And we promise.

KEL: We promise to be at that dock when you come back.

HANA: We promise to do all that goofy stuff once you get back.

KOU: We promise all of that and then some.

MITSU: We’ll be okay, Kai. We promise.

(“Okay. See you guys soon.”)

BENDY: Got it.

(“...I love you guys more than words could ever express.”)

ALL: Samesies.

(KAI squeezes her eyes shut tighter.)

KAI (aloud): G'bye.

(Silence falls over the studio. KAI stands, emerging from her hiding spot, only to find her family, still with electric blue eyes and snarky smirks on their faces.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: That was almost too easy.

(The group of infected laugh in sync as KAI stumbles back with wide and teary eyes. She quickly turns on her heel and sprints off.)

INFECTED: HEY!

(The INFECTED give chase. As KAI runs, she spots something glinting in the dim studio light out of the corner of her eye. She grabs it quickly, stuffing it in her hair. She books it to the back exit of the studio, bursting out of the door into an alleyway. She hops into a dumpster, as the INFECTED run past, heading out of sight. KAI hesitantly pulls herself out of the garbage, pulling stray trash out of her hair. She pokes her head out of the alley. She can faintly see POKOTHO, standing on the stage in town square. An INFECTED citizen goes up to him.)

INFECTED (singsong, nervous): Lord Pokotho, we, um- no one in the hive can find the girl.

(POKOTHO grabs the body by the collar.)

POKOTHO: Find her. I don’t care if you have to rip the whole goddamn town apart. I need my leading lady.

(POKOTHO throws the body to the side. It scampers away to go look for KAI. She ducks back behind the wall, sighing. She pulls out the item she grabbed back in the studio out of her hair, the weight of the handle heavy in her hand. She tosses it up, and it flips around in the air. She catches it by the handle and stares down at it.)

KAI: Hiya, old gal. Nice to see you again.

(The black and yellow ax glints in the light. She studies it in her hand before peeking out at POKOTHO. He’s turned around.)

KAI (muttered): You’ve got one shot, Drewski. Make it count.

(Her hand tightens around the ax, and she runs full speed towards POKOTHO. She sprints, launching off a speaker set in front of the stage. She holds the ax above her head with both hands as she lets out a guttural scream of rage. POKOTHO turns quickly and snaps his fingers. INFECTED #1-#8 surround POKOTHO. KAI’s eyes widen as she slams the ax down into the stage, just missing the group of the INFECTED. They surround the girl.)

KAI (voice breaking): I- I can’t.

(She looks up at what used to be her family, tears streaming down her face.)

KAI (voice breaking): I can’t hurt them.

(She shakily rises to her feet, staggering towards INFECTED #1. She takes his face in her hands.)

KAI (voice breaking): I can’t hurt my family.

(She breaks down sobbing, burying her face in what used to be her father’s chest, clinging to him. The body moves away, causing KAI to fall to the floor. She curls up into a ball and sobs, her chest heaving. POKOTHO coos and squats down in front of her. He gingerly grabs her chin, forcing her teary eyes to meet his.)

POKOTHO: You miss your family, don’t you?

(He moves away, and INFECTED #2 stands in his place.)

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: Let me help you.

(INFECTED #2 harshly grabs KAI by the cheeks, bringing the girl to its face. It forces her mouth open as it opens its own mouth. It vomits blue sludge into KAI’s mouth, to which the girl gags and sputters, trying to get the foreign substance out of her throat. INFECTED #2 drops KAI to the ground. KAI shakes on all fours, her arms threatening to give out beneath her. She coughs and hacks, glowing blue sh*t spraying on the ground in front of her.)

KAI (shaky): Ooh, lay my curses all to rest…

(Her arms give out and she falls to the floor. She curls up into fetal position, shaking. POKOTHO sits down in front of her, legs crossed. He pulls her weak body towards him, resting her head in his lap. She looks up at him with her now electric blue eyes. Tears, now turned blue sludge, stream down her face.)

KAI (shaky)/POKOTHO: Make a mercy out of me.

(KAI, with what control she has left, begins to sob. POKOTHO coos and shushes her, pushing her bangs back and placing a sickeningly sweet kiss on her forehead.)

POKOTHO (cooing): Oh, little songbird, don’t cry. You need rest, darling. We have a show to put on at The Starlight Theater soon, and you don’t want to be all exhausted for that, don’t you, love?

(KAI’s bleary eyes widen. She knows she’s gonna pass out soon. She can’t. She has to stay awake. She has to keep her hold on her mind. She can’t let him win. As if hearing her thoughts, POKOTHO smirks.)

POKOTHO (cooing): Oh, starlet…don’t you understand by now?

(He runs her fingers through her hair. Her eyes blur with sleep. In her last moments of consciousness, she can hear him speak.)

POKOTHO: I’ve already won.

(Later, the people of Hatchetfield swarm into The Starlight Theater, taking their seats. They chitter amongst themselves, excited and filled with anticipation for the upcoming show. The lights flash twice and the crowd quiets, settling down. The stage lights flash blue as 7 figures emerge from all sides of the stage, including THE AUDIENCE. The figures’ movements are uncanny and puppet-like. The bodies of MITSU, KEL, HANA, YASH, KOU, BENDY, and MONIKA continue to move onto stage. MITSU’s body is the first to sing, the others acting as his ENSEMBLE.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #6’s.]

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: The greatest stories ever told,

ENSEMBLE: Ooh

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Have a hero who must be bold!

ENSEMBLE: Ooh

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: They learn a sense of right and wrong!

ENSEMBLE: Ooh

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: And better learn the sense through song!

(The ENSEMBLE and MITSU’s bodies strike poses as they continue to pace around. KEL’s body begins to sing, INFECTED #6 switching to ENSEMBLE.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #4’s.]

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: Musicals tell the impossible!

ENSEMBLE: Impossible

INFECTED #4 [formerly KEL]: They evoke the philosophical, yeah!

[NOTE: ‘Philosophical’ is pronounced ‘phil-os-i-f*ck-al’.]

(INFECTED #4 switches to ENSEMBLE as what used to be HANA begins to sing.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: So tonight we’re gonna chronicle, a story so astronomical!

(EVERYONE clusters together at center stage.)

EVERYONE: The last remaining story to tell!

(INFECTED #6’s head perks up above the rest.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #6’s.]

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: The Kai who didn’t like musicals!

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: I mean, what the heck?!
ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: She’s the Kai who didn’t like musicals!

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Yeah, what the heck?

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(KOU’s body switches to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #7 [formerly KOU]: In the tiny town of Unington, lived this awful girl named Kai!

(MONIKA’s body switches to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: Spends her day surfing the web, and not singing and dancing with us all!

(EVERYONE sings together.)

EVERYONE: Should we kill her? Should we kill her?!

(YASH’s body switches to lead vocals, the ENSEMBLE reaching for her.)

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Oh, she pines after… Well, nobody, really. But isn’t she worth a show-stopping fiesta, yeah?

(BENDY’s body switches to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: But for some damn reason, she won’t join our singing season!

(INFECTED #7 and #2 switch to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #7/#2 [formerly KOU/MONIKA]: What an ass!

(INFECTED #7 and #2 stay on lead vocals, #4 and #5 join them.)

INFECTED #7/#2/#4/#5 [formerly KOU/MONIKA/KEL/YASH]: What a bitch!

(EVERYONE sings together.)

EVERYONE: What a cuck!

(INFECTED #6 goes back onto lead vocals, EVERYONE else switches back to ENSEMBLE.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #6’s.]

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: The Kai who didn’t like musicals!

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: I mean, what the heck?!
ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: She’s the Kai who didn’t like musicals! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

ENSEMBLE: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(EVERYONE paces around once again.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #6’s.]

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: It’s the end of the world, Kai!

ENSEMBLE: End of the world!

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: If you don’t sing!

ENSEMBLE: If you don't sing!

(INFECTED #2 switches to lead vocals, INFECTED #6 switches to ENSEMBLE.)

[NOTE: ENSEMBLE’s lines are layered under INFECTED #2’s.]

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: This is the bridge, Kai!

ENSEMBLE: This is the bridge!

INFECTED #2 [formerly MONIKA]: Where we globalize everything!

(INFECTED #1 switches to lead vocals, #2 switches to ENSEMBLE.)

INFECTED #1 [formerly BENDY]: And the words will come to you, we swear we will teach you…

(EVERYONE sings together.)

EVERYONE: What it means to love…what it means to obey, Kai!

(Pan out to EVERYONE standing in a line. EVERYONE looks from side to side for a moment, and a silhouette appears in the background.)

KAI (defeated): The apotheosis is upon us.

(Pan back out as a celebratory ‘Yay!’ sound effect plays in the background.)

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Did’ya hear the word?

ENSEMBLE: What's the word?

INFECTED #6/#4 [formerly MITSU/KEL]: She’s a-comin'!

ENSEMBLE: Who’s a-comin'?

INFECTED #6/#4 [formerly MITSU/KEL]: Kai’s a-comin'!

ENSEMBLE: Kai’s a-comin'?

EVERYONE: The star of the show!

(INFECTED #3 switches to lead vocals, EVERYONE else switches to ENSEMBLE.)

INFECTED #3 [formerly HANA]: Now for her headlining entrance!

(INFECTED #3 switches to ENSEMBLE, #5 and #4 switch to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #5/#4 [formerly YASH/KEL]: Time to swoon at her leading gal essence!

(INFECTED #5 and #4 switch to ENSEMBLE, #7 and #1 switch to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #7/#1 [formerly KOU/BENDY]: Her name is in the title!

(INFECTED #7 and #1 switch to ENSEMBLE, #6 and #2 switch to lead vocals.)

INFECTED #6/#2 [formerly MITSU/MONIKA]: She’s destined to go viral, here she is, her name is Kai!

(EVERYONE sings in harmony, pulling the cyc to the side as a spotlight shines down on center stage.)

EVERYONE: Enter now!

(POKAITHO does not enter. INFECTED #6 blinks, confused, and leans towards #7 and whispers.)

INFECTED #6 [formerly MITSU]: Where the f*ck is she?!

INFECTED #7 [formerly KOU]: I have no f*cking clue.

(KAI walks center stage, dressed to the nines. Her electric blue eyes with dilated pupils glare out into the audience.)

KAI: The gal just doesn’t like musicals!

WOMEN: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

MEN: You gotta believe in something, Kai, gotta believe in stupid Kai,

(KAI feels the apotheosis shoot painfully through her veins. She writhes in pain. She looks back at the audience, pupils tiny and smile wide. She’s not KAI anymore.)

POKAITHO [formerly KAI] (semi-pained): Yeah!
WOMEN: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, you piece of sh*t,

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: She’s the Kai who didn’t like musicals! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

WOMEN: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, gotta believe in stupid Kai,

WOMEN: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, you piece of sh*t,

(At this point, INFECTED #5 stops singing with the WOMEN, and EVERYONE circles POKAITHO.)

[NOTE: The WOMEN’s lines, INFECTED #5’s lines and the MEN’s lines are layered under POKAITHO’s.]

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: And she definitely won't like this!

WOMEN: Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, gotta believe in stupid Kai,

WOMEN: Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em! Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, you piece of sh*t,

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: She’s the Kai who didn’t like musicals!

WOMEN (except INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]): Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Why, oh, why, oh why?

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

MEN: Gotta believe in something, Kai, gotta believe in stupid Kai,

WOMEN (except INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]): Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

POKAITHO [formerly KAI]: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

WOMEN (Except INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]): Didn’t like, did not like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

MEN: Gotta believe in something,

INFECTED #5 [formerly YASH]: Why, oh, why…

(The INFECTED freeze, swivel towards POKAITHO, who spreads her arms, and they flip her off.)

EVERYONE: Kai, you piece of sh*t!

(POKAITHO smiles, while one of KAI’s tears mixed with blue sludge rolls down her cheek. KAI scans the crowd of cheering Hatchetfield citizens, the entire crowd’s eyes that sickening shade of electric blue. In the front row CHARLOTTE, BILL, PAUL and EMMA sit, clapping and cheering. Their eyes glow with the same blue as the rest of THE AUDIENCE. In between PAUL and EMMA sits POKOTHO, a smirk on his face as he claps, enjoying his show, now finally complete with the addition of his leading lady.)

THE END

Chapter 5: NIGHTMARE KAI-ME SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIVE: WATCHER WORLD

Chapter Text

WATCHER WORLD

(It’s a warm summer day as a yellow AMC pacer putters down a path in the Witchwood Forest towards a very special destination. BILL WOODWARD drives down the path, a smile on his face. His daughter, ALICE WOODWARD, sits in the passenger seat beside him. The eighteen year old stares at her phone.)

BILL: Whatcha looking at?

ALICE (flatly): Nothing.

(Awkward silence.)

BILL: That Instagram?

ALICE (flatly): Yeah.

BILL (playfully): What’s on Insta-gwam?

ALICE (flatly): Nothing.

BILL: Okay, so- uh…I hear Watcher World’s got the tallest rollercoaster in the whole midwest: The Tear-Jerker!

(BILL speaks with an enthusiasm that goes unnoticed by ALICE, who scrolls on her phone.)

ALICE (upset): Ugh. This is gonna be so fun.

BILL (excited): It is, isn't it?

ALICE: No, Dad.

(ALICE holds up her phone and waves it around.)

ALICE: Deb's throwing a party tonight at her parents' lake house. There's gonna be a jet ski, and a keg, and I'm missing it. Why would she throw a party when she knows I'm stuck going to Watcher World?

BILL: I don’t know. Maybe she’s jealous of all the fun we’re gonna have! Huh?!

(BILL looks at ALICE with enthusiasm, but he soon notices how sullen ALICE looks.)

BILL (empathetic): Ah, it’s one party. You’ll catch the next one.

ALICE: There's not gonna be a next one! Deb's grandmother is taking her to Amsterdam on Monday. Then she's going to early orientation at her art school. I might never see Deb again!

BILL (bitter): Hey, here's hoping...

(BILL pauses, realizing how he sounds.)

BILL: ….That that doesn't happen! But even if it does, and life takes you two in different directions, that's probably for the best. Deb’ll go be a starving artist, and you’ll be a doctor.

(ALICE glances over to the backseat and grumbles about how ‘he wouldn’t say this to her’.)

ALICE (frustrated): I'm gonna be a playwright, Dad.

BILL (dismissive): Well, you don't know what you're gonna be. You got time to figure it out. The point is, you gotta give Deb some space to live her own life. It's like I always say: If you really love her, let her go, let her go!

ALICE (muttered): You are so full of…

BILL: Love and wisdom. I know. Hey! My buddy, Paul, said somebody died on the Tear-Jerker! They had a pre-existing heart condition, but still... We gotta ride it now!!!

(ALICE looks at him with boredom. KAI DREW pops her head out from the backseat, brown eyes bright and big, like a doe’s.)

KAI (questioning): Isn’t that why Dad didn’t want me to go to Watcher World?

BILL: Yep.

(He ruffles her hair.)

BILL: And that’s why your cool Uncle Bill is taking you!

(KAI squeaks and swats his hand away, giggling.)

KAI: Thank you for taking me, by the way.

BILL: Well, of course! I mean, when Paul told me that you’ve never been to Watcher World, I knew I had to take you!

KAI: Aw, gee. Y’know, we didn’t have too many theme parks back in Unington. We had a Castles And Coasters, a Wet n’ Wild- er, sorry, they rebranded to Hurricane Harbor, and a…no, wait, that’s it. Just those two.

BILL: Seriously?! Well, that just won’t do! We’re gonna go on all the rides and buy a bunch of dumb souvenirs!

(KAI laughs, and she and BILL chat about what awaits them at Watcher World. ALICE glares. At around ten in the morning, BILL pulls the AMC Pacer into the parking lot. The trio gets out, and KAI stares up at the sign for Watcher World, surveying the parts of the park she can see.)

KAI: It’s…uh, aged.

BILL: Aged well, you mean!

KAI: Yeah, uh, sure. Whatever you say.

(KAI breathes in. Her nose scrunches up in disgust as she keels over. BILL worriedly goes to her side, rubbing her back.)

KAI (disgusted): Ewgh, why’s it smell like fish?!

BILL: Well, we are near the edge of the island…

KAI: That’ll do it.

BILL: Here, let’s get into the park. Then, all you’ll smell is freshly baked funnel cake, burgers, and pizza!

KAI: Sounds good to me!

(ALICE, BILL, and KAI make their way to the front gate. KAI stares up at the giant “Welcome!” sign, more specifically the mascot plastered next to the message. BILL notices her staring and leans towards her.)

BILL: That’s Blinky, the park mascot.

KAI: Huh.

(She can’t help but feel like BLINKY is staring back at her. As they walked underneath his giant yellow eye, she could’ve sworn she saw his purple iris following her every move. Her paranoid thoughts are cut short as the trio makes it to the ticket booth.)

TICKET-TAKER: Hello there, sir! Welcome to Watcher World! Ready to watch all your dreams come true?

BILL: Sure am. Can we get two tickets? One adult and two children.

ALICE: (to BILL, annoyed) Dad, are you serious? (to TICKET-TAKER) Three adults.

KAI (awkwardly): Uh…I’m cool with a child ticket if it saves money-

(KAI’s sentiment is cut short as BILL pulls her and ALICE into a hug.)

BILL: Sorry, they’ll always be children in my eyes.

KAI (quietly, confused): You met me this year, though..?

ALICE: Dad, please stop embarrassing us.

TICKET-TAKER (enthusiastically): Uh oh! Looks like we got a daddy-daughter-dispute on our hands!

(The TICKET-TAKER turns to BILL. KAI can’t help but notice the malicious glint in the man’s bright purple eyes.)

TICKET-TAKER (to BILL): Tell ya what, I'm gonna go ahead and give you the child price. They are your little girls, after all.

BILL: Hey, thanks!

TICKET-TAKER: Now you three go and have yourselves a day worth watching.

(The TICKET-TAKER looks towards ALICE.)

TICKET-TAKER (to ALICE): And Princess. Remember. You take care of your daddy today. Blinky's got his eye on you!

(The TICKET-TAKER leans towards the group, one eye wide open. KAI yelps and reels her fist back for a punch. BILL immediately shoves her hand down.)

BILL (quickly): Don’t punch him.

KAI (quickly): Right, sorry. My bad.

(The trio begins to make their way into the park. KAI, however, halts in her tracks as the TICKET-TAKER says something to her.)

TICKET-TAKER (playful, malicious): See ya around, Miss Ingénue.

(KAI turns.)

KAI (confused): Sorry, what wuzzat?

(The TICKET-TAKER grins and opens his mouth to say something, but he’s cut off by BILL’s voice.)

BILL (offstage): Kai! C’mon! We don’t wanna lose you!

KAI: Oh-! Uh, sorry! I’ll be right there!

(KAI begins to jog towards BILL.)

TICKET-TAKER: Run along now, Little Miss Ingénue! We don’t want you to lose them like the first time now, don’t we?

(KAI freezes and looks back.)

KAI (terrified): What- what’re you talking about..?

TICKET-TAKER: Go on, Miss Ingénue. You need to be there to protect them, right? You failed last time, with that song and that little shot to the heart. You don’t wanna fail now, not with how far you’ve gotten.

(His grin widens.)

TICKET-TAKER: Don’t lose out now, Kai. Not when you’ve gotten this close to perfection.

(KAI’s mouth dries up. Her chest heaves. Her heart pounds. Her hands shake. Her legs tremble. Her body feels light. Her feet feel heavy. Her world spins. She feels dizzy.)

KAI (terrified): How- How did- How did you-

(She’s snapped out of her spiral by a voice.)

BILL (offstage): Kai?!

(She blinks and shakes her head, turning around.)

KAI: Sorry! Sorry! I’m coming!

(She rushes over to BILL and ALICE, who’s on her phone. BILL smiles at KAI. It lasts only for a second as he notices KAI’s demeanor. Her face is twisted in fear, thick strands of her long, bright teal hair hang over her face in a crude attempt to hide her expression, her back is hunched slightly and her arms are crossed, her hands folded underneath her armpits.)

BILL: You okay? Did something happen?

KAI (awkward): Uh- no, no. It’s fine. Nothing you gotta worry about.

(She straightens up, tucks her hair behind her ear, and plasters a convincing smile on her face.)

KAI: Let’s get a move on, huh?

(BILL smiles as the trio enters the park. Inside, sculpted eyeballs litter practically every surface in the entrance arcade. ALICE looks around at the creepy decor and the blissful park guests. KAI tries to shake the paranoid sense that they’re all staring at her. BILL can hardly contain himself.)

BILL: Okay, I'm gonna go grab a flash pass. You guys want some Eye-Candy?

KAI: I’ll be fine for now. Had a big breakfast.

ALICE: Same. I’ll stay here.

BILL (excited): We're doing it!

(BILL rushes off. KAI stays, taking a seat on a nearby bench, awkwardly fiddling with her fingers. ALICE leans against said bench, taking out a stick of gum. She notices a sign on a lamppost nearby that reads: “Please keep our park clean. Blinky's watching.” Beside the text lies another image of BLINKY, the lens of a security camera acting as his pupil. ALICE pops the stick of gum in her mouth, tossing the wrapper onto the floor.)

KAI (mumbled): Oh, that’s not-

(ALICE flips off the camera.)

ALICE (bitter): f*ck you, Blinky.

(ALICE starts to wander off. KAI looks between her and the gum wrapper, before deciding that sticking with ALICE and making sure nothing bad happens to her outweighs throwing the wrapper away. She looks guiltily back at the litter before following after ALICE. ALICE looks back to glare at KAI, who looks down at her feet. As she’s looking back, she bumps into a giant yellow eye.)

ALICE (startled): Ah! Jesus.

(It's the cyclopean costume head of a BLINKY mascot. KAI catches up, staring at the costume, studying the various hues of purple fur that cover the outfit.)

ALICE: You scared the sh*t outta me.

(The mascot covers the sides of its head, as if it had ears.)

BLINKY (childishly): Ooh! That's a bad word.

ALICE (awkwardly): Sorry... Blinky.

(The mascot points down to the gum-wrapper on the ground.)

BLINKY (childishly): Aww. You make Blinky cry.

ALICE (dismissive): Oops.

(KAI turns on her heel, ready to go and throw the wrapper away. She halts in her stride and swivels back around as she hears the mascot speak once more.)

BLINKY (demanding, to ALICE): Pick it up.

KAI/ALICE: I/She was gonna pick it up.

(BLINKY simply points to ALICE.)

BLINKY (demanding, to ALICE): Pick. It. Up.

(ALICE and KAI make eye contact and shrug, unsure of what the mascot’s deal was. ALICE bends down to pick up her trash, the hem of her short-shorts rising. KAI flushes and looks away, blocking the sight with her hand. BLINKY, however, continues to stare.)

BLINKY: …Nice view.

(Both ALICE and KAI’s heads snap towards BLINKY.)

ALICE (shocked): What did you just say?

BLINKY: Nothin’.

(ALICE backs up, visibly disgusted and unnerved by the freak wearing the BLINKY costume. KAI, on the other hand, huffs, puffing up her cheeks and storming over to the mascot.)

[NOTE: KAI’s Unington accent is apparent, as it always is when she feels a strong emotion.]

KAI (angrily): Listen here, mistah’. You’ve got some nerve creepin’ on my friend right in front a’ me. ‘Cause, y’see here pal, I ain’t afraid to beat up a mascot in front a’ th’ kiddos, especially if some washed-up wacko is hidin’ inside a’ it. Furthermore, I don’t give a flyin’ f*ck whetha’ or not y’ kick me outta here, you do not have any right to perv on her-!

(KAI’s angry rant is cut short as the BLINKY mascot lies a hand on her shoulder and leans in towards her ear.)

BLINKY (low): It’s nice to finally meet you in the flesh, Miss Ingénue.

KAI: Huh?

BLINKY (low): Do us all a little favor, and put on a good show today, huh?

KAI (confused): What are you-

BLINKY (low): I mean, that last one? Back in Unington? God, that was amazing. Y’know, Pokey hasn’t stopped raving about it.

(KAI’s heart drops into her stomach. How did he-)

BLINKY (low): You don’t know how excited I am to finally have my turn with you. I mean, Pokey, Wiggly, and Tinky can’t stop talking about how fun you are to play with.

KAI (terrified): Wh- what-

BLINKY (low): I’ve been watching you for a long time, y’know? But now, we can finally play together! I’ve got just the game in mind. For now, though? Just do what you do best. Put on a show.

(KAI can hardly breathe. Her hands shake wildly. The rest of her body trembles. Sweat drips down her back.)

BLINKY (low): Bye-bye for now, songbird.

(Her breath hitches. Not that nickname.)

BLINKY (low): I’ll be seeing you real soon.

(He finally moves away from KAI. She gasps, doubling over and coughing as her lungs fill with the sudden air. ALICE worriedly looks over to KAI before looking at BLINKY, who’s staring back at her.)

ALICE: What did you-

BLINKY (childishly): Bye-bye.

(BLINKY leaves, disappearing into a crowd of park-goers. ALICE tries to find him before going to KAI, helping the girl up.)

ALICE: What…happened? What’d he say to you?

KAI (dismissive): It’s- it’s nothing.

(Awkward silence.)

ALICE: Y’know, uh…if he threatened you or said something super gross, we could go and report him, if you want-

KAI (quickly): It wasn’t anything you have to worry about. I’m fine.

ALICE: …Okay then.

BILL: Hey, Alice! Look what I got us!

(KAI and ALICE turn. BILL is there, a grin on his face, holding two BLINKY hats. His smile dissolves as he notices KAI’s discomfort and ALICE’s concern.)

BILL: Woah, I completely misread the situation. What happened?

ALICE: There was this guy dressed as Blinky-

KAI (interrupting): And I’m not the biggest fan of mascots, so I kinda freaked. What didja’ get?

(BILL smiles and pulls his hat on his head. It’s got a large yellow eye with purple furry lids covering the top. He looks at KAI.)

BILL: I know you don’t like hats, because you say it ‘messes with your hair’, so I got you this instead!

(He holds out a light purple hair clip. On the end is a silicone eyeball charm, outlined in a dark brown with lashes of the same color. The inside of the iris is a bright orange, and the pupil is noticeably absent. KAI smiles and slips the clip into her hair.)

KAI: Thanks, Uncle Bill. I love it.

BILL: Oh, it’s no biggie. I just saw it and thought it would look good on you, and y’know what?

(He grins, grabbing KAI by the shoulders and shaking her a bit. KAI chuckles.)

BILL (excited): It really does!

(He turns to ALICE.)

BILL: As for you…

(He holds out the other BLINKY hat towards ALICE.)

ALICE (adamant): I'm not wearing that.

(ALICE frowns, the BLINKY hat on her head. The trio is now at the top of a hill on the Eye-Drop, a tacky, eye-themed log ride.)

BILL: Alright! Here comes the drop! Put your hands up, Alice!

ALICE (flatly): No.

BILL: Kai?

KAI: Sorry, I’m not the biggest fan of wet clothes.

BILL: Aw.

(They go over the hill. Big splash. They exit the ride, dripping with gross theme park water. KAI shakes like a dog, her hair puffing up, now frizzy and untamed. KAI squeaks, clearly upset at the sight of her hair. She starts to smooth it out and style it.)

KAI: That water’s real grody. I’m pretty sure I got hit in the face with a loose bandaid.

ALICE. Mhm. Great. Now we’re soaked in probably diseased theme park water.

BILL: Well, there’s a cure for that!

(ALICE stands in a gift shop, looking into a mirror at the gaudy, oversized t-shirt she's wearing. It reads, “I survived the Eye-Drop and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” BILL laughs to himself.)

BILL: Hah! That is a good shirt.

ALICE (sarcastically): Really? I think it's kinda lousy.

BILL (annoyed): Well, if you don't like it, pick out ano...

(BILL pauses, realizing that she was joking.)

BILL (teasingly): Oh ho! I didn't know you were funny!

(KAI walks over.)

KAI: They did not have my size.

(Sure enough, KAI is wearing an oversized light purple t-shirt that goes down to the midpoint of her thighs, hiding her shorts completely. “Watcher World” is printed onto the shirt in a light orange font, the image of an eyeball printed underneath it. She lifts up her leg, showing off new legwarmers. They’re light purple with dark purple eyes plastered on them.)

KAI: I did get these sweet new leg warmers, though!

BILL: Aw, you look adorable!

KAI: Thank y’ kindly.

(Later, BILL munches on cotton candy. ALICE drags her feet behind him. KAI trots alongside her. He stops and throws an arm around the girls.)

BILL: Alice! Kai! Look! Look! There's a photo op in front of Drowsy Town Station!

KAI (mumbled, confused): Where have I heard ‘Drowsy Town’ before..?

(KAI’s question goes unanswered as BILL pulls the girls toward an eye-covered train station, readying his phone for a selfie. KAI leans in and smiles as ALICE tries to worm her way out of it.)

ALICE: I'll get one of you two.

BILL: Naw, come here!

(BILL leans in close to the girls and frames up the picture, noticing ALICE’s unenthused expression.)

BILL (teasingly): Oh, I see. We're making pouty faces.

(He does the classic “duck-lips”, while KAI’s smile just becomes a bit more forced, and BILL snaps the pic.)

BILL: There ya go. Look at us. We're models! Oh, we gotta gram this!

ALICE (embarrassed): Don't tag me in that.

BILL: Tag? How do I do that?

KAI: Oh, it’s easy. While you’re writing the caption-

(ALICE shuts KAI up by placing a hand over her mouth. The action goes unnoticed by BILL as he messes with his phone.)

BILL (to ALICE): Friend me on Instagram so I can send you this picture.

ALICE: You don't friend people. You follow them.

BILL (teasingly): Well, I'd follow you anywhere.

ALICE (exasperated): Tell me about it.

KAI: Oh, here’s my personal Insta, Uncle Bill!

(She shows him her phone. He blinks, before he looks down at his phone.)

BILL (confused): But I thought I had your Instagram?

(He shows her an account with the handle “@shxwstxpper”. It has a large following and a lot of professional looking pictures of KAI.)

KAI: That’s my professional- well, my work Insta. That’s where I do marketing for my shows and stuff.

BILL: Your awesome shows!

(KAI flushes, embarrassed. She giggles.)

KAI: Aw, gee, y’ don’t have to exaggerate…

BILL: I’m not! Your shows are amazing! Alice thinks so, too!

ALICE: Don’t involve me in this.

KAI: …Anywho, I don’t really open the DMs on that account because of…reasons…

(KAI zones out, her face morphing into the 1,000 yard stare. She snaps out of it.)

KAI: It’s real bad on there.

BILL: …I see.

KAI: Anyways, I use the messages on my personal one, so use this one.

(She shows him the account. There’s far fewer people following, and the photos are more candid pictures of KAI, her friends, and scenery she liked. He smiles at the account, till his eyes land on the handle.)

BILL: Why is your username-

KAI: Don’t ask about the username.

BILL: But I have to type it in!

KAI: …Fine. I’m ‘@booblover69’ because it was open, I thought it was funny, and nobody would think I owned it. Which works, by the way, people think it’s a fake account.

BILL: Fair point.

(BILL sends KAI the picture. Soon after, he finds ALICE’s profile on his phone.)

BILL: Okay, is this you? Why can't I see your posts?

ALICE: Because my account's private.

BILL: That's a good idea. Don't want Ted or his nerdy little brother stalking you on there.

KAI: Ew, Ted…wait, he has a brother?!

BILL: Oh, yeah, you didn’t know?

KAI: No?! I didn’t realize he had a family! I thought he just spawned in one day to make my life miserable!

(BILL laughs. KAI, however, is confused at his laughter, as she meant every word.)

BILL: Oh, Kai. You’re a racket!

KAI (confused): …Thank you?

(BILL pats KAI’s head with a smile. KAI blinks, utterly dumbfounded. He goes back to trying to figure out Instagram.)

BILL: How do I get in though?

ALICE: Dad, it's private so that you can't see it.

BILL: But I wanna know what's going on in your life.

ALICE: If I want you to know something, I'll tell you.

BILL: You don't tell me anything.

ALICE: Exactly.

(KAI starts to look uncomfortable. Oh, god, please don’t make her pick sides…)

BILL: You know, this really is a good picture. I bet you could be a model if you wanted. You could be anything. A doctor. A lawyer...

ALICE: A playwright.

BILL (dismissive): Well, you got time to figure it out. There's no rush...

KAI (blurting, uncomfortable): Uncle Bill, didn’t you have something you wanted us to do soon?!

(BILL and ALICE look over to KAI, who’s rigid and sweaty. BILL looks down at his watch and starts to panic.)

BILL: Right! sh*t, sh*t, sh*t! Quick! The next show's about to start!

(BILL rushes to the entrance of the Watcher World Theater, where there's a sign displaying showtimes for “Blinky's Watch Party! A musical extravaganza through Drowsy Town!”)

KAI (muttered): Seriously, where have I heard “Drowsy Town” before..?

ALICE: Dad, I don't want to see some stupid kiddie show. I’m sure Kai doesn’t either.

BILL: But, Alice... IT'S A MUSICAL!!!

(KAI’s face drops at the mention of musicals. Inside the theater, hundreds of screaming kids and their sweaty parents sit on long, sticky benches. The house lights dim and ALICE crosses her arms. KAI shrinks down into her seat.)

ALICE (bored): Wake me up when it's over.

BILL: Come on, ya humbug. You can't sleep through the show.

(The CROWD quiets down and an ANNOUNCER's voice rings out through the sound system.)

ANNOUNCER: Ahoy there, boys and girls! Welcome to Blinky's Watch Party! A musical extravaganza through Drowsy Town! Please silence your cellphones and refrain from flash photography. You don't wanna blind Blinky! He's always watching! Now enough snooking around. Let's start the show! Come on, Sniggles!

(From all around the theater, the SNIGGLES come running in. They're weird, antennaed people-things with fuzzy wing-arms and purple shirts that say “BLINKY” on the front.)

KAI (muttered): Okay, yeah, that looks way too familiar.

SNIGGLETTE: Hey everybody! We're the Sniggles! Don't be scared!

(The upbeat, pop-y backing track for “The Blinky Song” starts to kick in. KAI groans and shrinks down further into her seat.)

KAI (uncomfortable): Why’s it always gotta be singing?!

BILL: Really now? I thought you liked singing?

(The words from BILL ring all too familiar in her ears. She shudders, unnoticed by BILL.)

BILL: And musicals.

KAI: Well, I do, when I’m prepared for them. Otherwise…watching people sing and dance makes me very uncomfortable.

BILL: Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know, you can leave if you need to-

KAI (quickly): I’ll be fine.

(The SNIGGLES start to sing.)

SNIGGLE 1: Hey, Sniggles! Do you know what time it is? SNIGGLE 2: It's time for the Blinky Song, of course! SNIGGLE 1: That's right!

SNIGGLES: Yeah!!

SNIGGLE 1: Blinky's got those eyes that really bug out, they're red and yellow-y!

SNIGGLE 2: Blinky's got that fur that really spills out, and makes the town drowsy!

SNIGGLE 1: In Drowsy Town, we shake and move, And don't upset our boss!

SNIGGLE 2: Cause if we do, his eye gets red,

SNIGGLES 1 & 2: And he might just spill our guts!

(KAI blinks, stunned.)

SNIGGLES 1 & 2: Blink Once, blink twice! If you get the sniggle urge to move! Blink Once, blink twice! If you're gonna shake your feather soon! Oh, you got to, got to, got to, got to get those Sniggle wings in sync!

Oh, you got to, got to, got to, got to move those feet as fast as you blink!

SNIGGLE 1: Alright, Sniggles, give me three claps!

(The SNIGGLES clap 3 times.)

SNIGGLE 1: Great, now give me four!

(The SNIGGLES clap 4 times.)

SNIGGLE 1: How about five?

(The SNIGGLES clap 5 times.)

SNIGGLE 1: Now, don't blink.

SNIGGLES: Don’t you blink.

SNIGGLE 2: If you blink, you'll wake him up.

SNIGGLES: Don’t you blink.

SNIGGLE 1: And if you wake him, we die.

SNIGGLES: Don’t you blink.

SNIGGLE 1: Don't blink.

SNIGGLES: Don’t you blink.

SNIGGLE 1: Don't you ever blink.

SNIGGLES: Don’t you blink.

SNIGGLE 1: Don't you f*cking blink.

SNIGGLE 3 (panicked): Oh, I blinked!

(Growling SFX plays.)

SNIGGLE 2 (nervous): Yep, you woke him up.

SNIGGLE 1 (deadpan): Great, we're dead.

SNIGGLE 3 (panicked): Oh, no no no no no!

SNIGGLES 1 & 2: In Drowsy Town, we do our best to never ever cry! ‘Cause if we do, our boss gets mad, and then we don't eat for a week.

SNIGGLE 3: I'm so hungry.

(KAI blinks, clearly worried. She doesn’t know what the hell is wrong with this theme park, and to be honest, she doesn’t really want to know.)

SNIGGLES 1 & 2: Blink Once, blink twice! If you get the sniggle urge to move! Blink Once, blink twice! If you're gonna shake your feather soon! Oh, you got to, got to, got to, got to get those Sniggle wings in sync!

Oh, you got to, got to, got to, got to, move those as feet! As fast! As you... blink!

(“The Blinky Song” ends, met with thunderous applause. ALICE watches, scratching her head.)

ALICE (bored): Okay, what are the Sniggles? Are they birds... or monsters?

KAI: I think it’s just something for the kiddos, and you’re not supposed to read into-

ALICE (ignoring KAI, bored): What am I watching and why is it so stupid?

BILL (quiet, bitter): Now you know how I felt when I had to sit through 'Dear Evan Hansen.'

(KAI shuts up, feeling incredibly awkward. Onstage, the bearded SNIGGLE-leader, PAPA SNIGGLE, calls out.)

PAPA SNIGGLE: Alright Sniggles, last one to the snackle-shop is a rotten snoogle!

(They all run off, except one pensive SNIGGLE who takes center stage. Her best pal pokes his head back on.)

SNIGGLOTS: You coming, Snigglette?

SNIGGLETTE: Go on without me, Snigglots. I’m all snackled out.

SNIGGLOTS: Okay. See ya in a snig!

(SNIGGLOTS exits and SNIGGLETTE turns to the audience.)

SNIGGLETTE: Hey, everyone. Can I tell you something? Something I’ve never told anyone?…The other Sniggles just... wouldn’t understand.

(The backing track for “Snoozle Town” starts up as a spotlight shines on SNIGGLETTE.)

KAI (quiet, uncomfortable, groaning): Why is it always singing?!

SNIGGLETTE: When I was two, I knew just what I wanted: a snorfle poo, that screamed and puffed it’s haunted dreams. As I grew up, I stopped being what I wanted: A Sniggle who, danced and shouted nightmare schemes! But Snoozle Town is near, and the Snoozle train is here, and when I go down to Snoozle Town, I’ll know that what's lost is found! I’ll find a handsome snoog and snort his handsome hooves! And we’ll have two snozzles that can snozzle, our own bayou, where the boogle boggles flow with goo! But Snoozle Town is near, and the Snoozle train is here! And when I go down to Snoozle Town I’ll turn my Sniggle frown, I’ll break the Sniggle mold, I’ll trade these wings for gold! No Sniggle can stop or keep me! That train won't leave without me! It can't leave... Don't leave... Without me.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR: Last call for Sniggles. You coming, Snigglette?

SNIGGLETTE: I’ll catch the next one.

(The spotlight on SNIGGLETTE fades, revealing SNIGGLOTS standing there, staring at her.)

SNIGGLOTS (gravely serious): You're a liar, snigglette.

SNIGGLETTE (confused): What?

SNIGGLOTS: Why do you wanna leave Drowsy Town?

SNIGGLETTE (lying, poorly): I... don't.

SNIGGLOTS (angry): Do you want to make Blinky cry?!

SNIGGLETTE: No! I'd never do that. I never said...

SNIGGLOTS (pointing to her, menacing): Don't you lie to me one more time with that dirty, little mouth! Do you think Blinky's stupid? Do you?!?

SNIGGLETTE: No…

SNIGGLOTS: He's always watching, Snigglette. With a thousand eyes.

SNIGGLES: Praise the Watcher!

(SNIGGLETTE whirls around to find the other SNIGGLES surrounding her in the dark. She looks pathetically out to the audience. Tears stream down her face.)

SNIGGLETTE (shaky): I don’t think I wanna do this show anymore…

SNIGGLOTS: It doesn't matter what any of us want. Blinky’s not done with you yet. And he’s never gonna let you go until he’s seen everything.

(The SNIGGLES advance on SNIGGLETTE. She pleads.)

SNIGGLETTE: No. Please…

(As terror fills her eyes, PAPA SNIGGLE hops onstage.)

PAPA SNIGGLE: Look out, Sniggles! Drowsy Town’s been over-run with Snuggle-Bugs!

(The lights bump. Mechanical bug-rabbit creatures pop in and out of holes scattered around the set.)

SNIGGLY: What are we gonna do, Papa Sniggle?!

PAPA SNIGGLE: Don't you worry! I'm gonna whack those snuggle-Bugs with this mallet!

(PAPA SNIGGLE holds up a large mallet. The crowd goes wild.)

PAPA SNIGGLE: There’s one!

(He brings his mallet down on one of the mechanized rabbit things. A realistic SPLAT sound plays over the loud speakers.)

PAPA SNIGGLE: There’s another!

(SPLAT! He whacks another Snuggle-Bug. All the SNIGGLES howl in delight, except SNIGGLETTE, who watches on with horror.)

PAPA SNIGGLE: Ooh, that’s a big one!

(PAPA SNIGGLE swings his mallet ferociously. He misses the Snuggle-Bug, and whacks SNIGGLETTE square in the jaw. She groans, flying to the floor. Blood and couple teeth spray across the stage.)

ALICE (horrified): Oh my god.

KAI (horrified): Holy sh*t!

(The music cuts out. The crowd goes silent. The Sniggles all look to each other, unsure of what to do. After a moment, the DIRECTOR of ‘Blinky’s Watch Party’ runs onstage. He kneels beside the actress playing SNIGGLETTE. She’s not moving.)

DIRECTOR: Angela? Angela, are you alright? (calling offstage) Ruby, call the medic.

PAPA SNIGGLE (dropping character): I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

DIRECTOR: Shut up, Jeff. You’re drunk again, aren’t you?

PAPA SNIGGLE: No. I’m stone-cone slober…BLUGH-

(The PAPA SNIGGLE actor ducks behind a set-piece and pukes. The DIRECTOR feels for SNIGGLETTE’s pulse.)

DIRECTOR: She's losing a lot of blood.

(In the audience, ALICE and KAI stand.)

ALICE: Is that lady alright?

KAI: Do we need a doctor?

(An USHER grabs their shoulders.)

USHER: Misses, please stay seated during the performance.

KAI: I’m not just gonna watch! She’s in pain, she needs help, she needs a doctor-

(KAI’s shut up as ALICE pulls her back into her seat. Onstage, one of the SNIGGLES goes up to the DIRECTOR.)

SNIGGLY: Is there anything I can do?

DIRECTOR: You can shut the hell up, Lauren!

(Soon, the stage lights go down, the curtain closes, and the ANNOUNCER voice breaks the silence.)

ANNOUNCER: Uh oh, boys and girls. Blinky’s spotted some commotion backstage. Y’all sit tight while we work out them snooks!

(After about thirty seconds, the houselights come up and exit music plays. The crowd quietly gets up to leave. KAI and ALICE stay seated.)

KAI: What the f*ck..?

ALICE: Okay... Dad, what the hell did we just…

(The duo turn to BILL, but he's been asleep for some time.)

BILL (waking up): Huh? Is it over? I was just resting my eyes.

(On their way out of the theater, KAI spots the USHER. She grabs ALICE’s hand and goes over.)

KAI: Hey, is that woman alright? She looked pretty banged up.

ALICE: Yeah, I’m kinda worried…

(The USHER looks at the two like they're crazy.)

USHER: What woman?

(The USHER’s attention is taken by an impatient MOTHER.)

MOTHER: Excuse me! When's the next show?

USHER: Fifteen minutes, ma'am.

(The MOTHER turns to shout at someone offstage.)

MOTHER: Aaron! Aaron, get over here right now or we are leaving!

(Later, BILL, ALICE, and KAI sit on a bench near a food cart selling funnel cakes and churros. While BILL and KAI share some funnel cake, ALICE reflects on the Watch Party.)

ALICE: Either something went terribly wrong or that got strangely... dark.

BILL (chewing): First, you say it’s for babies. Then you don’t like it cuz it’s too dark. It’s almost as if you don't like anything. You gonna finish that elephant ear?

ALICE: No. I don't like it.

(ALICE hands BILL the pastry and turns to her phone. BILL breaks the pastry in half and hands one half to KAI.)

KAI: Thank you!

BILL: No problem!

ALICE (mortified): Oh, god, no!

BILL: What? What now?

ALICE (mortified): Ziggs is going to Deb’s party.

BILL: Who?

ALICE: Ziggs. Ziggy? This really cool, non-binary person Deb used to have a crush on?

(ALICE looks back down at her phone. Her heart drops.)

ALICE (horrified): And they’re bringing Quiplash!

BILL (confused): Quiplash... Is that a friend of Ziggs, or...?

ALICE: It’s a game. And a well-known teen aphrodisiac.

KAI: I’ve never heard of it.

ALICE: Yeah, well, that’s ‘cause you live under a rock!

KAI (flabbergasted): I- damn, alright-!

BILL (annoyed, to ALICE): Hey, now, you can’t-

KAI (flabbergasted): I can’t even be mad, she’s right-

ALICE (defeated): Of course that’s why the party is tonight. I’m not gonna be there to keep them apart, and Deb’s gonna hook up with Ziggs. I just know it.

BILL: Well, then maybe Deb isn’t the right girl for you.

ALICE: Look, Dad. You may have let every romantic relationship you’ve ever had fall apart, but I’m committed to Deb. No matter how many problems we have.

KAI (quietly): That doesn’t sound super healthy…

BILL: I’m just saying, if there are problems…

ALICE (angrily): The problem is that someone just had to get divorced. Couldn’t wait one more year.

KAI: Hey, sometimes you can’t wait on a divorce. I should know-

ALICE (ignoring KAI): I got ripped outta school my senior year and shipped to Clivesdale. I hate Clivesdale! I lost all my friends. I’m gonna lose Deb. And none of it is my fault.

(KAI looks severely uncomfortable.)

BILL You’re right. It’s not your fault… It’s your mother’s fault. Now let’s go ride the Tear-Jerker.

KAI (muttered): Oh thank god.

(The trio stands in the massive line to ride the Tear Jerker, the tallest roller-coaster in the whole Midwest. ALICE and KAI watch the people around them. One group catches their eyes: a teenage couple, CRAIG and ALISON, and their third wheel, BETH. CRAIG sucks down soda from a souvenir cup while ALISON squirms.)

CRAIG: Why you wiggling, babe?

ALISON: Drank too much co*ke. I gotta pee.

(CRAIG offers the cup.)

CRAIG: Well, here’s a cup. Pop a squat.

BETH: Gross, Craig.

ALISON: I can’t hold it. I’ll meet you guys at the exit.

(ALISON hops out of line and heads off in search of a restroom. CRAIG and BETH watch her go, then turn to each other.)

CRAIG: Thank god she’s gone…

(They embrace, necking hard. KAI goes completely red, mortified at the sight. BETH pulls back.)

BETH: Is this fair to do to Alison?

CRAIG: Was it fair to me when she switched schools?

BETH: I guess what she doesn’t see won’t hurt her.

(She inserts her tongue back down his throat. Eventually, CRAIG notices ALICE and KAI staring at him and BETH. He makes eye contact and smiles.)

CRAIG: Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.

(KAI looks away awkwardly, shielding her eyes from the sight. ALICE squints, noticing something. She taps KAI’s shoulder.)

ALICE: Wait, look at his eyes.

(KAI looks up. She notices what ALICE sees.)

KAI: They’re…purple.

ALICE: Yeah.

KAI: Come to think of it, weren’t the ticket-taker’s eyes purple?

ALICE: They were. I’ve seen a lot of people with purple eyes here, actually.

KAI: Huh. Weird. (muttered) Better than blue.

ALICE: What’s that mean?

KAI: Oh- uh, nothing.

ALICE: Wait, doesn’t your dad have blue eyes?

KAI: Uh, not the point.

(KAI sighs and stretches out her legs. BILL notices.)

BILL: What’s up?

KAI: Huh?

BILL: You’ve been stretching a lot.

KAI: Oh, uhh…

(KAI chuckles quietly.)

KAI: I, uh, I think my fibro’s flaring up. I mean, I was kinda achy when I woke up this morning, but I just popped some Advil and slipped on my AFO’s. Thought that would get me through the day, but with all the walking…guess not.

BILL (worried): Oh, no, do you need to sit down or something?

KAI: Probably. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck in a wheelchair the rest of the day.

(KAI blinks.)

KAI: …Unless we want me in a wheelchair.

BILL: What?! No! Why would we want you in a wheelchair?!

KAI: I mean, think about it! We already have fast passes, if I’m in a wheelchair, we can go in the handicap line, and the line’ll go by like that!

(KAI snaps her fingers. ALICE’s eyes widen and she looks towards BILL.)

ALICE: Dad, maybe we should let her get a wheelchair-

BILL: No, no. Just go find somewhere to sit, Kai. We’ll meet up with you after the ride.

(KAI shrugs.)

KAI: Your loss.

(KAI slips out of the line, heading off to one of the concession stands to rest. Then the OBNOXIOUS TEEN running the ride calls out.)

OBNOXIOUS TEEN: Single riders? We got any single riders?

(ALICE raises her hand.)

ALICE: I’m a single rider.

BILL: What?

OBNOXIOUS TEEN: Right this way, ma’am.

BILL (hushed, to ALICE): What are you doing?

ALICE: I want out of this line.

BILL: But the line’s half the fun!

ALICE: Then you stay in it.

(ALICE rushes to the front of the line. BILL hurries after her.)

BILL (to OBNOXIOUS TEEN): Hey. I’m a single rider too, but I wanna sit with her.

OBNOXIOUS TEEN: Slow down, sir. That’s not how being a single rider works. You’ll be

placed in the next empty seat…

BILL: Get out of my way.

(BILL pushes past the OBNOXIOUS TEEN. ALICE is getting into the two-person ride vehicle with a MAN who seems to be IN A HURRY, but BILL dives into the seat beside her first.)

MAN IN A HURRY: Hey, I’m next!

ALICE: Dad, what are you doing?

OBNOXIOUS TEEN (to BILL): Sir! I’m gonna have to call my manager, sir… Ah, forget it. We got

any single riders?

(The ride vehicle pulls out of the loading area as BILL angrily fastens his seatbelt and turns to ALICE.)

BILL (annoyed): What the hell is your problem?!

ALICE: What? You wanted to sit together. We’re together.

BILL (annoyed): Yeah, but I had to cut someone. It was embarrassing.

ALICE: Oh, you’re embarrassed? You coulda’ waited twenty seconds for the next car.

BILL (annoyed): I wanted to be with you. That’s the whole f*cking reason we’re here…

(BILL pauses as he notices ALICE tensing up as the ride vehicle climbs the first (and largest) hill of the coaster.)

BILL: What?

ALICE: I just… don’t like heights.

BILL (annoyed): …Then why the hell are we on the Tear-Jerker?! You know it’s the tallest roller-coaster in the Midwest!

ALICE: Cause you wanted to ride it! I don’t even like roller-coasters!

BILL (angrily): Well, maybe I’d know that if you told me one thing about your life-

(ERRR!!! He’s stopped by the sound of the ride vehicle screeching to a halt. Beneath BILL and ALICE, chains thud and metal scrapes. Something clanks and clatters, then nothing.)

ALICE: Oh god. What was that?

BILL: I… I don’t know.

(They’ve stopped at the peak of the hill, 425 feet in the air. ALICE starts breathing heavily as the ANNOUNCER voice plays through a nearby speaker.)

ANNOUNCER: Uh oh, boys and girls! Blinky’s spotted some commotion down the track a-ways. Y’all sit tight while we work out them snooks!

ALICE: Dad… Dad…

BILL: It’s okay, sweetie. It’s just a technical difficulty. This happens all the time.

ALICE: Didn’t you say… someone died on this ride?

BILL (lying): No. I don’t think so.

ALICE: Yes, you did.

(WOOSH! A powerful gust of wind blows by, shaking the entire coaster. Beneath them, beams and pillars moan and creak.)

ALICE: Oh my god. Oh my god. Why is it swaying?

BILL: It’s supposed to do that. It’s gotta sway a little or the whole thing would blow over.

ALICE: It’s gonna blow over?!?

(KRRR! The nearby speaker, which is bolted beside another small security camera, crackles with static until the ride attendant’s voice comes through.)

OBNOXIOUS TEEN: Hello, passengers. You may have noticed the ride has stopped. Please stay inside your cart with your seatbelt fastened. We’re gonna send a maintenance guy up to get you momentarily.

ALICE (to BILL):What? Come to get us? Why can’t we just ride it down?

BILL: It’s okay. Look. There’s a staircase right next to the track. We’ll just walk back down the way we came.

ALICE: I can’t do that! (hyperventilating) Dad, I’m having a panic attack. I need to get down. I need to get down.

BILL: Okay.

(BILL looks around. He eyeballs the staircase next to the track. He looks to his daughter. She’s shaking with fear. He thinks for a second before undoing his seatbelt with a click. When he starts to stand, the speaker blares.)

OBNOXIOUS TEEN: Sir, please stay seated and wait for the maintenance guy...

(BOOM! In the distance, thunder rumbles. Lighting flashes. The gray clouds overhead begin to drizzle rain. Bill shakes his head at the approaching storm.)

BILL: f*ck that. Come on, Alice.

(He steps out of the ride vehicle and onto the metal grated stairs. He reaches back and motions for ALICE to follow. )

ALICE: Dad, Dad, Dad. I can’t.

BILL: We have to go now before the steps get too slippery. Come on.

(ALICE slowly unbuckles her belt and climbs from her seat. BILL takes hold of her left hand and reaches for her right one. It’s holding her phone.)

BILL: I gotcha. Gimme your hand. Put your phone in your pocket.

ALICE: It won’t fit.

BILL: Okay, I’ll take it.

ALICE: Here.

(ALICE passes her phone to BILL. He reaches around to slide it into his back pocket, but the screen is already slick with rain. The phone slips from his fingers and falls. He watches it find past the metal grated stairs, and plummet down 425 feet. ALICE, whose eyes are shut tight, hears the ting.)

ALICE: What was that?

BILL: …Nothing. Just don’t look down. Look at me, okay?

(ALICE opens her eyes and BILL starts to lead her down the staircase. Another gust of wind swooshes past. ALICE grabs the hand-rail as the structure beneath them gently sways.)

ALICE: Dad…

BILL: Keep moving. Look at me. I’m not gonna let you fall. You’re America’s next great

playwright, right? Tell me about the play you've been working on.

ALICE: No…

BILL: It got you a scholarship. Must be pretty good.

(BILL continues to lead ALICE as she takes a deep breath.)

ALICE: It’s about a girl… Ahh…

BILL: It sounds great so far. What’s that girl do? What’s she been up to?

ALICE: Well... She moves to a new town… And, uh, she’s gay…

BILL: Love it.

ALICE: And she falls in love with a girl, and I don’t wanna spoil anything, but the girl’s basically a vampire…

BILL: That sounds scary.

ALICE: It’s a comedy, Dad.

BILL: Sounds funny.

ALICE: But it gets a little sad because they both die in the end. Though I only wrote it like that to get the scholarship. The judges are suckers for that kind of thing. When I actually get it produced, I want it... to end happy.

(ALICE looks around. Without her even realizing it, BILL has led her back down to the Tear-Jerker’s loading platform. Her muscles start to unclench, and her breathing returns to normal. She turns to her father. He smiles at her.)

BILL: I’m proud of you.

ALICE: Can I... have my phone back?

BILL: Uh… We’re gonna get you a brand new one.

ALICE: …You dropped my phone?

BILL: Yes. I’m sorry…

ALICE: You dropped my phone?!?

BILL:Well, I was a little preoccupied!

ALICE: I need my phone! Deb is having a party at the lake house! I need to be liking her posts so she knows I’m watching her!

BILL: Jesus Christ, Alice. Would you grow up?

ALICE: I’m trying to grow up, but you won’t let me! I should be at that party! Not at this sh*tty Disneyland knock-off! You made me come here! You made me ride that stupid ride! Why are you always ruining my life!?!

(KAI runs over, as fast as her aching legs can take her.)

KAI (worried): Hey! Are you guys okay?! I heard the ride broke down and I came as fast as I could-

BILL (defeated, hurt): You know, Alice, I love you to the moon and back. But you make it very hard for me to like you.

ALICE (angry): Oh, so now you don’t like me? Well, that’s fine, cause I hate you.

(ALICE storms off, leaving BILL and KAI on the loading platform. Rain drizzles around the two as the line of park goers stare with hungry, purple eyes. BILL makes eye contact with KAI’s bright brown eyes. She smiles awkwardly.)

KAI (awkward, nervous): Gee, I came at the worst possible moment, huh?

(BILL smiles with tired eyes.)

BILL: Yeah, you really did.

(He offers his hand out to KAI. She takes it. BILL and KAI walk through Watcher World. The storm subsides, the sun sets, and Watcher World lights up. KAI’s pupils dilate as she slows down to admire the scenery. BILL smiles at her.)

KAI (awestruck): Woah…

BILL: You like it?

(KAI nods, her eyes shining.)

KAI: I really do.

BILL: Well, come on. Let’s go enjoy the scenery and play some games!

(KAI nods, speeding up and trotting beside BILL.)

BILL: Y’know, Paul is so lucky to have a daughter like you.

KAI: Huh? Whaddya mean?

BILL: Well, you’re chatty, and open, and affectionate, and just- nice to be around! I wish Alice was more like you.

KAI: No, you don’t.

(BILL looks confused. KAI takes a deep breath.)

KAI: Listen, I…I’m not great. I’ve got a slew of issues that I don’t know how to deal with myself, so the people around me are forced to help me with ‘em. I’m overly clingy, overbearing, I suck with social cues, I’m blunt, a little rude at times, and…I’m a lot. Too much, sometimes. I feel these huge feelings, and I don’t really know how to control my emotions. I can get aggressive at times. I’m chatty, sure. But I don’t know when to stop. I get annoying. I’m open, yeah. Too open. I get too personal and it weirds people out. I’m affectionate because I’m afraid that, at any given moment, it’s all gonna go away. Which brings me to my last point.

(KAI sighs.)